Quitters are not always Losers

I worked Friday morning. I almost quit. I almost quit on Monday, too, but that was for a different reason... probably a more valid reason, too. But I wont get into that because, for one thing, I dont think I should divulge those certain things. Anyways, Friday I came close to quitting. The reason? I almost went home with a dog. I know, this is not the first time this has happened. At least once a week I encounter an animal that either does not have a home or is not well cared for or I just love, and want to take home with me. But I cant. I cant take every homeless dog in. I cant kidnap every dog that I love or dont agree with the way they are cared for. So I consider quitting quite often. Consider whether it is the best option to remain working with all these animals.
I was bathing a dog before she went in for surgery. She was from the pound in El Cajon. She was adorable and so sweet. She was a dark tan with a black face (which is actually what I really really want right now after seeing some puppies like that and having a dream about having a dog that looked like that). She was a pit bull mix... I know, but I fell in love with her. And it was not just because she was sedated in preparation for her surgery. She was so sweet as she put her head on my arm while I dried her and looked up at me with her pleading, sad eyes while I bathed her. Mind you, I did not intend on this happening. I was told she was extremely extremely animal aggressive. But because she was so sedated, she didnt put forth any effort to attack. I felt this was potential to kick the aggression habit. I bathed her, dried her, and took an extra amount of time loving her. I didnt know if she was going to a family, or was just getting spayed and going back to ECAC. So I talked to her while I got her all clean. A girl I work with were walking back and forth by the tub. I said, "I really love this dog. I really want her." She just kinda laughed. I know shes had that desire before though.
I continued talking to my dog and told her about how this isnt uncommon, that I fall in love with a dog, but its usually because I know its a special one. Then I explained how much of an issue Im going to have being a vet... My issue isnt how am I going to treat ill animals. That will be difficult, especially when I lose them. But my problem will be how do I look at an animal begging me to take them home with me and say no?? I dont know how often Ill be able to. And this dog was animal aggressive. I have animals. There was no question she couldnt go home with me. My animals always take first priority. Always.
I finished up and decided I better take her back to the techs so they can finish prepping her for surgery. As I walked into the tech area with my stumbling girl, I looked at one of the techs and said, "I love this dog.... I really want her." She gave me a small grin and said, "Nooo.... Shes animal aggressive." I said, "I know! And I still want her!!" After I put her back in her cage, she told me she was going to a home after the surgery. Whew. I was so thankful someone was taking her.
The rest of the day, while I worked, I thought about various animals I wanted to adopt in my time of working. I figured out something about myself: I become attached to every animal I encounter. No dog is just another dog to me, its Gracie, or Harley, or Skya. Each dog is an individual. Each dog is special. Each animal develops a special place in my heart. I think thats also why my job is so hard and exhausting. I invest so much of myself in those animals. Each one has to get a greeting. Each one has to be given attention and feel special. They dont have their moms or dads to make them feel loved or comforted. Anyways. Im realizing all this about myself and my job. I think its good for me, but I dont know what this means. I dont know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I already know how it has destruct me... continuously bringing more animals home, to tear apart my house or whatever.
Word of the wise... if you love animals, dont go into a profession with animals. You have to love animals to be a vet, but you cant love animals. You have to be objective. You have to be able to think clearly without having your judgment clouded by playing favorites or feeling guilty an animal doesnt have a home.
And so I continue to contemplate quitting in various situations I face. And if I do decide to quit, obviously it means Im not cut out to be a vet... But that means theres another plan. It doesnt mean Im a loser, it means I have something else thats for me. Anyways. There is not really a point to this blog. Just thoughts. Confessions. Realizations. Curiosity. We shall see what unfolds from this new discovery....

However for now, my animals remain the sole holders of my heart. My animals will always have my heart.

Its Beginning to Look a Lot Like SUH-MER!

Ahhhhhh! (That was a deep sigh of relief, for those of you who arent sitting next to me - which is everyone whos reading this....) Summer has finally, finally arrived. I feel like life has been breathed into me, and not by someone through CPR. Ive been given summer, which has restored my sanity, my positivity (which is kinda rare, Im not generally the most positive person, to be completely and totally honest), and my gratitude for friends, family, and life. Just coming home, walking through the door, and receiving a huge lick as a welcome from my dog put a lasting smile on my heart that has yet to fade (it gets renewed every time I walk in the door). Though I have only been home for 2 weeks, I feel like Ive already been productive! I know, summer means you take a break from things and enjoy the time where you still have breaks before you embark on the working world until you die. But for me, I choose to get things done between the times of relaxing. And I still havent decided if its a wise choice to do so. Let me map it out for you.
- I found my dress for my best friends wedding... after a lot of searching. And Im super excited about it.
- I attended my sisters pinning ceremony (much like a graduation, except shes not done... sorry sister). In addition to this note, she was awarded the faculty award!! Of all the students... her professors like her the best. It means she not only gets good grades and works hard, not only is excellent during her clinical hours, but she also is responsible, dependable, encouraging, a true leader, diligent, caring, etc. etc.. Wow. Can you say that about your sister?? I didnt think so. (Well, Jordanna, you can.) =) Im so proud!!
- I went to my cousins wedding and got to see a side of the family I dont see often. It reminded me how blessed I am with my family and how much they love and support me. O and it was fun to watch my cousin walk down the aisle... actually... he waited at the end of the aisle... but still!
- We celebrated 10 years of bringing Steve into our family. No, I didnt take cupcakes to celebrate, but someone sent an Edible Arrangement and we made chocolate covered strawberries! (Drizzling chocolate is not easy... take my word... but the cause was completely worth it.) Arent they so cute??? This was taken at Disneyland for Steves birthday. I love this picture of them! (They also got all fancy and went to dinner... super cute!! Ill try to add a picture at the end.)
- I found a FAN-TAS-TIC sandwich shop. Ho-ly cow. It is fabulous.
- I became CPR certified!! I can now save a life if someone is in respiratory or cardiac arrest. At least, I can try to keep them alive until the real life savers like the paramedics get there.... Then the nurses take care of them... I think you know what nurse Ill trust my life with.
- We celebrated my favorite mom for mothers day. Not only is she my favorite, but shes the best. Its proven. Dont argue with me. Although, if you know my mom, you know shes pretty amazing. And I got to listen to an interesting sermon at church. Needless to say, I will never take a bug from my child when she show me. Sorry future kids... I still have issues with that bravery. (Sidenote: The picture on the right, of me and mom wearing teal and black at Jordannas pinning ceremony.... ya totally not planned. I walked out wearing that and Mom was wearing her outfit.... We are mother and daughter for sure.)
- I started back at work. Whew. And boy am I wiped out. Ive already been called in on a day off! But its good for me and Im glad Im there to help. And I feel truly wanted and needed, so I think its a good place for me to be.... especially after this year. And hello. I get to wear scrubs. Does life get any better than that? I didnt think so.
I think thats it.... but thats a lot! I felt like I havent blogged in a while. I didnt have a lot to say, so I decided to list current events. Sorry this isnt newscast style, but hopefully it was interesting while being educational of Carlys events. As a total sidenote that may be completely irrelevant and random, I have become slightly addicted to a show I found. Several days ago, this show had an all-day marathon. The most random and slightly disgusting show Ive ever stumbled upon, I quickly became fascinated and watched six 30 minute episodes until I had to leave. A new episode is airing tonight in a short bit. I know, youre biting you nails to the nubs... what is this show?? What could it be?? It is called Billy the Exterminator. I told you, random and weird. But call it what youd like, I am learning a lot. Cockroaches are the worst insect to invade your home - they carry LOTS of diseases and can live very easily... I wont give detail on how exactly...
And now I will try to leave you with the picture I promised of Steve and Mom all dressed up for their anniversary! Arent they cute?!? Arent you proud of me trying to use pictures!? Maybe its a little cluttered... but I bet its a little more interesting! ;) And now my show is starting. I must not be distracted... Ive been looking forward to this for several days now. Maybe Im strange, I dont know, but I dont care either. Until the next blog.... TTFN! Ta Ta For Now!