My Point?.... None.

Just to share - theres not much purpose to this blog, other than to provide a read for my small following... cuz I know that you might come here to check if there are any new developments in Carlys life and continuously find yourself disappointed when the last posting is still from 3 or more weeks ago. But maybe itll be a little entertaining for you to read until something worthwhile to report comes to mind.

Well Ive now been on summer for a few weeks. It has consisted of working, hanging with my injured mother (who cant work), relaxing, hanging with friends... the typical summer stuff, so far. It has been lovely. Simply lovely. I know itll get crazier soon, but for now, Im grateful for this time.

Because of my recent decision to commit to my life backup plan, I decided I need to get back in shape. Understand, I have not been in top shape since my water polo days in high school... three years ago. Yup. Ive become lazy. Accustomed to college life of getting to do whatever I wanted. No pressure to work out to be in shape for a sport - no need. And since school seems to take over my life like ivy on a house, exercising kinda falls to the end of my to-do list. But I found free workouts on ondemand and decided it would be worth a shot to try out. Yesterday, I decided today would be the day to begin that horrible adventure in exerciseland.

I was so excited when I woke up this morning because I remembered there was an all-day Criminal Minds marathon on A&E today! I guess it was their way of celebrating Memorial Day? I would suggest a marathon of The Unit, but thats just my opinion. I didnt complain - I love Criminal Minds. I walked out to the bonus room to find my parents had already turned the tv to that channel. It was gonna be a good day, at least while I was home before work. But after a few episodes, I remembered my promise to myself to do an exercise video. Ive done a few before - they provide quite a workout! So I tore myself away from Criminal Minds for a bit and searched through my options of 100 or so and settled on a Jillian Michaels 58 minute workout.

I was barely 5 minutes into it and I was regretting this selection, let me tell you! She is one tough instructor. But I was feelin it! Needless to say, I stopped 17 or 18 minutes into it because I was so shaky and tired and sweaty. Pathetic right? I know. Its bad. After that, I did do a 10 minute ab workout... cuz I know theyre in there somewhere, begging to be worked. Im a tragedy. I know it. I have a long road ahead of me. But to get to where Im headed, I have no other choice. I think in the end Ill be grateful. But right now, Im walking a little funny cuz Im a little sore and Im definitely feeling the effects of the short amount I did. I will do the full 58 minute workout with Jillian without stopping! But that day is not today... and probably wont come this week either. But at some point it will. I know it will! After all, if Im gonna be running 3 miles a day at some point, this cant be as difficult as it is now.

I kinda found myself laughing throughout the day at myself. My entire major is concentrated on convincing people that exercise is important throughout a lifetime. It helps a person be healthier - improves their cardiorespiratory strength, overall endurance, muscle mass, on and on and on. Im tested on these things - I have to know all of this. And yet I make a decision to NOT work out each day. And as I sit with sore legs, Im reminded why I make that decision. Then I work out and I think Im stupid for making that decision. Its just a tangled web I keep weaving myself!

Well. Thats pretty much all I got. Just an unfortunate "workout session." If I can even call it that. And now, I shall return to my Criminal Minds. I think Im picking up on things... this is good for my future! I dont want to live in Quantico, but never know what agencies are hidden here in San Diego. ;)

Casey May

Ive been avoiding and waiting to write this blog for a while now, but at the same time Ive been wanting to write it. Avoiding because I know its going to be difficult; waiting because I need to become a little stronger before sharing about it; wanting because it is important to me and deserves a memory... or rather, she.

On April 23, we made a very difficult decision, as a family. We said goodbye to my sweet Casey May.
Casey was my yellow lab. Was was 13 years old, though according to a chart at the vet, she was about 102. She was my baby. I chose her out of a litter of many. She was my little buddy, my play mate, my partner in crime. She chased me around the house, took naps on my bed, hung out with me... She was the sweetest dog and the happiest. Everyone who met Casey instantly fell in love with her.

She underwent several surgeries, including two torn cruciates (in human terms - ACL... although I dont know if it was her anterior or posterior or what but now you understand the pain that is involved in that type of injury). Shes had arthritis since she was two years old, and it only spread and became more painful as she got older. Shes had numerous strange injuries that werent always the easiest to figure out (yes, she most certainly was mine). But despite all the pain she suffered through in her life, she never lost her smile. She never complained. She always made sure she was with you - even if it was difficult to get up and move to be with you.

She was so intelligent. Like smarter than us sometimes. She knew not to go swimming if she wanted to come in the house. She knew how to bring a bowl in the kitchen when she was done with it. She knew how to look pitiful, to get what she wanted. She knew how to find any - any - pill we tried to give her... and she knew how to work up a pill that was at the back of her throat. Yes, she was a brat. But her stubborness made her one of the girls in this family...

She was, in some aspects, the core of the family. If you found Casey, you found everyone else cuz she would be in the middle. Shes more than half my age so Ive known her for more than half my life. Shes brought us so many laughs, so much love, so much protection. She was also Sammys best friend. He always followed Caseys lead. She barked - he barked. She ate - he ate. She went outside - he went outside. This has been hard on him, but hes hanging in there. One of the sweetest, yet saddest things is that he has taken on some of her characteristics. I love him for it.

Apparently, Im not as strong as I thought I would be writing this. She was my baby... an amazing dog. I miss her so much. I miss her bark, and how excited she would get when we praised her for it. I miss how her whole body would shake when she would wag her tail. I miss her greeting me everytime I walked in the door. I even miss how she would get up and move away from me when I would love on her - because she liked to be with people, but needed her space at the same time. She was my best buddy. She got me through a lot - I could always count on her to provide a smile. Losing an animal is one of the hardest things to experience, but I wouldnt give up the time I spent with Casey for anything.

"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."

It Would Happen to Me...

I have 5 days of classes and finals left to go. And in the midst of that, I get to go home for Easter break. I really cant describe how excited I am for this Easter break, and especially summer. I love home. Plain and simple. But Easter is special to my family. Well, Easter and Christmas. Two of the most important "holydays" for Christians. Speaking for my family, we didnt always get to spend those days together, so each one we have together now means so much more. I think Easter might be a little different this year... But this year seems to have a lot of things going on around it. As long as were all together, I am ultimately ok with that. Then summer. Well. Its summer. And I get to go home. Nuf said.

But until those days of bliss occur, I am stuck in smoggy Riverside, studying my little tush off. Not actually... I wish. On Friday night I decided to hang out with a good friend before embarking on my weekend long homework/studying extravaganza. We went to the plaza (a place with a few shops and food places) to grab food, then we were going to watch a movie. Well. It was Friday night. At the Plaza. Therefore, the crazies were out. And this is where the story begins.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you are basically wearing pajamas, or sweats, no makeup, probably needing a shower, hair in every direction, and decide to run to the store - hoping to not run into anyone you know? But not only do you run into a ton of people you know, but upon a speedy get-away down an aisle with your cart, you run into a stand holding kleenex or trip over the wheel of the cart. Well. Maybe this example isnt quite a comparison to my story, but now youre on my page.

So, Kaihla and I head to the plaza, pull in, and begin searching for a parking spot. Let me assure you, it was crazy. And every person we came across very clearly did not know which way was left. It was one of those "WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR LICENSE?!" moments. It was also a moment of desiring for a cop, who could direct people a little better. The story is a little long, but in short, someone almost hit me, someone else stole my spot I had been waiting for, and we almost witnessed an accident by a car backing into another car. It couldve been a movie. I was wishing I had my moms car so I could be a bully to all these little cars who were bullying me.

At one point, I wanted to turn down an aisle, but couldnt see around a huge massive truck who didnt pull in its spot completely. And the cars were not about to wait for me to turn down it. So after 7 or more cars went by me, I decided to go - knowing someone would have to wait for me. One of those "someones just gonna get mad at me and theyre gonna have to deal with it - Im mad too" moments. So I turn...

And theres, of course, the biggest truck waiting to go by me. So Im saying to myself and Kaihla "hes gonna have to wait..." as Im squeezing by. But I couldnt totally fit. And as I look at the guy whos driving the big truck, I recognized him. Great. He waved me forward, kinda laughing and finally - finally - I got out of there. (Well then we went around and found a spot finally.) But as we pass him, both Kaihla and I are like "he goes to CBU!" Then I realized he not only goes to Cal Baptist, but hes in one of my classes. Faaantastic. And seriously this WOULD happen to ME. So were laughing, cuz what else could we do at that point?

But I felt bad and Im thinking I have to see that guy on Tuesday. And this isnt one of my huge classes, where the professor lectures and everyone sits and listens and doesnt interact. No, this is a small, interactive class, with one of my favorite professors. I talk all the time in this class. And if I dont speak up, my professor will call me by name and ask what I think. Ya. Its like if he ignored class one day, chances are high he didnt the next...

So I decided to find him through facebook, which was easy, and I emailed him. Like I said, I have class with him. Luckily were almost done, but I still would rather him not refer to me as the stupid driver or whatever. So I email him beginning with "this is super duper incredibly random, I know, but Im in your blah blah blah class and slightly cut you off/pulled in front of you on Friday...." And it went on from there. I assured him I really wasnt a bad driver but that I was frustrated and HAD to go at some point. And like I mentioned, I had class with him... so I wanted to apologize before class on Tuesday.

He responded. Obviously hes really nice. But he says "dont worry, you definitely are not the worst drive Ive ever seen.... I work on an ambulance and I see a lot." Oh great. I guess I should feel better? I promised him I always pull over for ambulances with their lights on. I think he appreciated it.

But theres my story. I know some of my blog readers like my stories like this.... where I do something insane. You just never know when youre going to run into someone you know... but not only that, you just never know when youre gonna do something ridiculous to a person youre fairly familiar with, if not see on a regular basis. Im not saying I was wrong in my actions - Im firm to stand that I didnt have much of another choice. But anyways, I think everyones been in those situations.... and they arent fun. But of course, it would happen to me....

Cancelled Class and a Sweatshirt

Two blogs in a week! How lucky are you?!

Well its only Wednesday, and yet I feel as if it should be Friday. The last weeks of school always seem to be the longest. I feel as if this semester has flown by, which is never a bad thing. But now time has to make up for itself, so everything has to slow down. The past 3 days have been bru-tal-ly long. Ridiculous is really what it is. And on top of that - school is coming to an end, so my brain is on summer mode. My mind is thinking about the things I need to do over summer and things I need to do to prepare for the summer. What needs to be completed now is just painful to do. I am having the most difficult time making it a priority. And in the midst of that is just dealing with daily life... which is never a dance in a prairie field for me. Ill spare you all those details, though.

Like I said, its only Wednesday - luckily Wednesday is almost over. Monday is my longest day and it proved to hold up its promise. Tuesday was just as long, filled with errands and homework in the middle of classes. Tuesday I woke up in a funk. I had to finish a paper that was due that day and had been really struggling with where I was going with it. Ya, Im a Kines major, I dont write papers. I finished it, but it was pretty tough. Took a shower and began to get ready for my day. It was one of those days where you just dont feel like getting ready and everything. You just want to crawl back in bed and not face the world. One of those you dont feel like anything looks right and nothing is making you feel better, so you would just rather not. And, of course, the sun was shining brightly and the air was warm, ruining my longing for a sweatshirt. I finally decided on clothes, ignored the possibility of makeup and making my hair controlled, and was ready to head out the door with my roommate around 10:45.

The whole walk to class, I complained about having to go and how I would have missed class today if it werent for my roommate. She didnt make me go, but I enjoy having the class with her, so I would rather go and have fun. I just was not feelin class. I wasnt feelin my outfit. I wasnt feelin the day, at all. We arrived at the room and found our seats. Strangely enough, our professor was nowhere to be found - which is abnormal. I ran out to talk to another professor, whos office is in the building. My conversation with him was to be about various opportunities for veterinary hours. I was trying to schedule a visit to a ranch of a woman who works at the school and has a lot of other veterinary connections she wants to share with us. Halfway through talking to him, I felt the need to check on my class. I opened the door to an empty classroom and my roommate waiting for me, notifying me class had been cancelled. Apparently, all of us smart collegiates had missed the sign on the door saying class was cancelled. Praise. The. Lord. I finished my conversation with my professor, then headed back to the apartment.

As I walked, I started laughing. I had been complaining, wanting class to be cancelled.... and long behold, God answered my prayers. I got back to my apartment. Since we had time, Cayla and I went out on the front lawn to soak in some Vitamin D. Then we ate. Then I went to class. Then I met with another friend to talk to the woman about a ranch visit. This conversation went AWESOME. Literally better than I could have ever wanted. We now have a plan to go to her ranch next Friday for a BBQ... and theres a possibility well go horseback riding!!!!!! Which is something Ive wanted to do for yeaaarrrsss. So stoked. And again, I found myself walking away, thanking the Lord for this amazing opportunity He has provided.

I texted a professor to let him know he should be excited to hear about the conversation we had! The rest of the day kinda went. Nothing to report. Just lab and such. Then this morning, I again, had a difficult time of waking up. When I finally convinced myself I needed to, I took off my mask to reveal a very dark room. I smiled in my head - physically smiling would have taken too much effort that early in the morning. I went to the bathroom and came out to see the weather. The sky was blanketed in a light grey color. My heart skipped a beat. I would be able to throw on a sweatshirt... my desire from yesterday.... the desire that had carried to today. I walked back to my room, threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and was ready for the day. Again, I found myself thanking the Lord for providing me with a day to wear a sweatshirt.

I embarked on my walk to class, sat through a boring lecture, then went to talk to the professor I had texted about the veterinary opportunities. He nearly jumped out of his chair, he was so excited to hear what we had to tell him. We ended up having an hour conversation with him. I gave him a hard time about not texting me back.... which he didnt realize he had even received a text... (that seemed insignificant.... but wait for it....) We went to our next class and, again, sat through a boring lecture. Halfway through the class I received a text.... from my professor, telling me I "owned this biochem lecture." Understand why hes my favorite professor?

Then I went to lunch with a good friend... Chipotle, nonetheless. Then had a random conversation with a guy in our class. The days have been a little random, but there have been interesting things in the midst of it all.

I found myself laughing the past few days, especially with my class being cancelled and todays weather. Im not saying I am the reason for those things to happen... but Id like to think so. Just kidding. But really, I was cracking up because I was complaining and just so over it all and here God comes with his great sense of humor. Kinda telling me stop your complaining, Ive got it. Telling me hes in control and that he will take care of me. Giving me reasons to praise Him, not that I should have to have specific reasons. But reminding me Hes GOT this. And I should just be trusting in Him with it all. This seems to be the consistent thing Hes been teaching me lately....

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun." - Psalm 37:4-6

Or if your dawn is a cloudy day.... like mine. =D

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”" - Psalm 91:1-2

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:4-6

This is the Stuff

Ive had a desire to blog for the past few days, but havent had any reason to (ie. I havent had any inspiration, no funny stories, no preponderances, (preponderances??? who am I???), etc..). So, I come to my blog to write something, my fingers hovering over the keys, waiting for some initiation from my brain... nothing. I wait. My fingers remain ready to type, ready to catch anything my mind thinks of.... nothing. Significant fail. So I decided I would post anyways, and force my fingers to type... even if my brain isnt on board with the documenting.

Luckily, you dont have to hear random babblings because finally, something came to me. Earlier this week, my good friends dog was attacked by another dog while out for a walk. Apparently, the attacking dog came tearing out of a house, through a door carelessly left open, and began attacking my friends dear dog. Little Cotton is so sweet that she didnt even defend herself, but she took it. Before you get sad, she is doing good. She had stitches and tubes to drain any fluid buildup on the top of her head, but she is doing really well. I met her for the first time last night and she is just one of the sweetest dogs Ive ever met - and I have met a LOT of dogs... Much like my dogs, she is a people dog, desiring to be pet and loved on.

It kinda hit me recently how inspiring this little girl is. My sweet girl inspires me, too, but thankfully my dogs have never been in a situation where they have been attacked like this. I thought of how often we get attacked, out of nowhere, by the unexpected. Throughout life, we encounter storms - some storms pass, some are harder than others, and some people live in a storm... basically, permanently. Sometimes, you can see the storms coming from a mile away and you have time to prepare for them. Sometimes, you barely have seconds before they attack you from all angles, with no way of escaping. Whats important is how you deal with it and how you recover from it. As Christians, we are blessed to know we have a mighty Savior to surrender to. Surrender our problems, our struggles, our storms. Speaking for myself, being a control-freak, this is probably the most difficult aspect of being a Christian. I want to fix everything myself and typically have an extremely difficult time surrendering everything. Though I will say that rarely do I roll over and take it, which in some cases may be the best thing to do. Anyways. Back to my point.

This blog wasnt necessarily aimed to be about me. It was aimed to be a generalization about how life not only knocks you down, but it attacks you, and how were expected to get back up, dust ourselves off, and keep trekking on. Little Cotton experienced one of the worst forms of attack - a physical attack. But she acts perfectly fine. If it werent for her little tubes and stitches, you wouldnt know she had been so maliciously attacked. Shes inspiring - her happy smile and innocent attitude, refusing to stay down.

(Though this blog wasnt supposed to be about me - heres the 'me' part...) I came home for the weekend, after a long week. Nothing particularly bad happened, it was just long and filled with tests and studying and dumb schoolwork. I needed a bit of a break, so naturally, I headed home. However, upon entering my room, I noticed I had mail on my bed. Not abnormal, but its contents werent of the typical ads and such. This contained a ticket, which I had received a few weeks ago... I know - tragic. Well, this ticket turned out to be way more than I had expected. I became discouraged. Thinking about having to pay the ticket, needing to work to pay off the ticket, as well as, needing money throughout the summer and next year. I need to take classes this summer. I need to get in more observation hours for grad school. Instantly, my mind was taken over with discouraging, frustrating, and stressful thoughts.

Then I thought of little Cotton and her smile, despite tubes, stitches, swelling, pain meds... I couldnt help but shake my head at myself. Trust in the Lord, I told myself. Earlier this week, my friend introduced me to a new song. It is so applicable to my life. And especially with the fact that I just got a ticket.... The song is by Francesca Battistelli, called "This is the Stuff."

"I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use"

How awesome is that? It proved to be a friendly reminder as I listened to it, just last night. Ultimately, kinda random post... I know. But Ive finally blogged! And - to me - it was worthwhile to mention it all. Hopefully you got a little something out of it, even if it was knowing that you arent alone in your storms.

Quarters for Smiles

I was the child every parent refers to, the one they look at and say "I hope my child doesnt do that." Let me change that - I am still that child. What in the world is she talking about, youre thinking. Well, do you remember those claw machines? With tons of stuffed animals in them? Some contain other cool things, like electronics or movies, to attract adults. I am the dreaded person who begs for quarters to play those games. And I am not satisfied until I win something. Actually, I refuse to walk away unless I have something in my hands to display my victory to those watching, because you KNOW people gather around to watch... it becomes a spectacle.

If you have never played one of these incredible games, which typically are scams, preying on the innocence of young children - and me - who desire to have a cuddley creature to take home... let me paint you a picture so you can understand the process:

50 cents. "Mommy! Theres a claw game! Can I please please have 2 quarters so I can play to win a really cute monkey?" (Typically the prizes are random.) "Ok." The 2 quarters are dropped in your little hands as you clasp them, a giant smile spreading across your face.
Then you run over to the claw game, proudly displaying your 2 quarters for any other children around to see, because you got the quarters and they didnt. Then you gingerly put one in the slot, wait to hear the clink of it landing inside, then slide in the other one. The game lights up, the claw jerks to life, waiting for you to grab the throttle. Your little hands squeeze the throttle - its not about how tight you hold it, but something about making little fists makes you have more faith. You focus your eyes on that smiling monkey - waiting for you to save him from his cage, then to your hands around the throttle, then to the claw as you begin to move it.
You move the claw left, then forward, then a little more to the left, then backwards, then right, then forward, then left, making sure it is right over the monkey, who now seems to be mocking you with his smile. You quickly look down to see how much time you have left. There never seems to be enough time. With 3 seconds left, you push down on the button to release the claw. Because you dont think the claw knows what it is doing, you hold that button down until it reaches your monkey. The claw encapsulates around your monkey... You let your thumb off the button and watch helplessly, eager to see if the claw succeeded.
The claw closes, trapping your monkey within its metal bars. You smile, because you know you are taking that monkey to a good home. The claw begins to recoil, going upward. It drops your monkey because the grasp wasnt firm enough. You throw your head back and watch the claw return to its starting position, hoping that monkey might hop up to it to ride to the prize bin. But your monkey remains seated in the midst of all the other animals.
You hang your head and head back to your mom, monkeyless. Though she can tell what happen, she asks how it went. You respond, "Can I please have another 2 quarters Mommy?? I HAD it! I did! Ill get it this time! Please!" Seeing your disappointment and your refusal to give up, she digs in her change purse again and pulls out 2 more quarters. Before putting them in your little hands, she says, "This is the last time ok? This is it. I dont have any more to give you." You ferociously nod your head yes, but you dont hear what shes saying - you see those quarters and you are already planning your strategy to win that monkey. Besides, youre going to win this time. There wont be a next time.
As soon as those coins are dropped into your hands, you return to the claw.
If you dont know how the rest of the story goes, scroll up to the beginning of the simulation and read again. Do until exhausted... because that is when the child will finally give up.

I am 20 years old and I still go through this process whenever I go to Dennys. I cant imagine what would happen if I ever walked into a casino. This week, my family and I went to Fuddruckers. If you know what Fuddruckers is, you probably already know where this story is going. We ordered our food, found a table, and sat down. Instantly, I spotted a different variation of the claw game. Typically, I dont even go toward the games they have because I have gotten in trouble with them before. I know it is best to stay away. It takes a lot of self control, but I know it is in everyones best interest for me to stay away. This time, though, I thought I had it.

I walked over to check it out, figured it was something I could handle, and returned to the table for $2. Ya! $2! Steep, right?! Well this was one of those games that applied to the adults, containing iPads and iPod Touches. I have an iPod Touch. I dont really want an iPad, but I had to try. I mean... I had to. It taunted me. So my sister walked over to the machine with me, for emotional support. The first time I didnt know what I was doing and completely botched it. The second time, I was millimeters off... No kidding. Being THAT close, I had to try again. I scrounged up $2 at the table, special thanks to my family for supporting my obsession, and returned to the game. This time.... I HAD it! And I had witnesses. But the stupid directions werent clear enough. I even debated with the manager about it. I was standing my ground.

Long story just as long - I walked away empty-handed, defeated by the claw (or in this case, scissors). Every time I walk away from those things, whether I have a prize to show off or I have lighter pockets, I get frustrated. Its an absolute scam. No doubt about it. The companies who make these machines rig them to drop the toys or to run out of time. Everyone knows that, including me. Parents even tell their children that the odds are against them. Do you think that affects their desire to win?? Nope! Does it affect my desire to play those things and win something?... at 20 years old?? Nope! Recently, a friend told me he once won THREE stuffed animals from one of those things in one sitting. THREE! Are you kidding?? Thats impossible. Literally - it doesnt happen. I was so jealous. Heck, I am super jealous. Thats just not fair!

Anyways. Those games do 3 things. They feed on the desires of innocent young children - and me. They prey on children - and me - by dangling the things children - and me - cant resist in front of them. And finally, they scam children and their parents. Parents have to allow their children to try at least once. It is up to them if they are going to keep providing a way to play. But if 50 parents allow their child to play and give him 50 cents, thats $25! Shoot my mom still has a hard time saying no. Im pathetic. And I know it.

Its infuriating that people get pleasure - and money - from preying on innocent children. And yet, I am one of the ones supplying them with the chairs they are sitting in while they decide which cheap stuffed animals to fill the claw machine with. Dont get me wrong, I have conquered the claw machine a few times. Some of the happiest moments I have are when I walked away from the claw with a victorious symbol. Though those times are few, they surpass the memories of losing. Conquering the claw machine is one of the greatest accomplishments. I mean, you beat the system. You put in 2 quarters and walked away with a prize and the attitude of a winner, worth much more than 2 quarters.

Nameless

I now have 5 followers! I don't know if they all read my blog, but at least they've been documented!

- And now for the real post -

Today was an interesting day. It proved to be one of "expect the unexpected" ... or rather "not expecting the unexpected." I had a plan for the day. Class. Class. Bank. Starbucks. Homework. Not very exciting, I know, but such is life. Class - check. Class - check. Bank - well, heres where the story begins.

On my way to the bank, traveling down Magnolia, I noticed a fairly young looking German Shepherd weaving in and out of the street, in front of cars. I think everyones response to this is "Oh puppy! Get off the street!" Then a thought process of should I stop? What would I do with her? Well, as these thoughts went through my head - all remaining unanswered, I pulled up to a light to turn left in attempts of catching her, just as she skipped by my car. She was scared and obviously confused - I couldnt leave her. I threw my car into park and got out of my car to call her, just as she stopped in front of a long line of cars. Luckily, she came to me and decided a ride with me wouldnt be too terrible. No collar, no visible identification... faaaantastic.

I called my mom, declaring I had a crisis on my hands. I dont think there was any surprise in her voice when she found out my crisis involved picking up a stray dog and needing a place to take her. So I drove to an animal shelter I remember passing one time. It was a nice, newer facility. I, literally, ran in, asking for a leash, then ran back to her... My last desire was to be that person who leaves their dog in their car. When I came back, she was sitting in my front seat... something I know I will see often in my life - a dog riding with me in my front seat.

Luckily, again, she let me put a leash on her. I took her in and held her while we waited to be called. Poor girl, she was so scared, but she was very sweet. At one point, an animal control-er noted she was animal aggressive when she barked at two Pitbulls outside. She hadnt made a peep when we first walked in to see a chocolate Lab... But now she was labeled "dog aggressive." I felt for her. Im sure she wasnt. But she couldnt tell him if she had canine friends back at home or if she frequents the dog park. And I was just a girl who found a dog, so my opinion wasnt valid. I told her Ive been called things Im not, too. I think we connected.

Once I was called, I only gave the woman my id, told her where I found her, and then I was done. She told the animal control-er he could take her and I instantly felt my eyes blink back tears. What the heck??? Ive been with this dog for an hour. Right?? I asked what happens with her... Yes, my curious mind never lets me walk away without being answered. She told me her owners had 7 days to pick her up, but then she would be theirs, and since she was labeled animal aggressive, they wouldnt be able to adopt her out. My heart sank. I looked at her, sitting next to me, still scared. Did I just deliver her to her doom?

She gave me a number to call to ask about her, but at that moment I wished I had never brought her. Fighting back tears, a helped the control-er put another leash on her, took off the one I had borrowed, and told her goodbye.

As soon as Id left, my strength was gone. I started crying, thinking about how scared she was, how she might not get a chance to be reunited with her family - or find a home - all because that stupid man had pinpointed her as animal aggressive. I got in my car and began to drive away, struggling with whether I had done the right thing. When the "right thing" may lead to a loss of life, how can that it be right thing?

My mom assured me owners usually call the local shelter if driving around is a bust. I tried to reassure myself that she looked as if she had been well taken care of, not malnourished at all. Hopefully owners who care that much about their dog will want to find them. But I was still upset. I mean, I just spent an hour with this dog, allowing her to trust me, allowing her to become dependent on me... then I leave her.

And, of course, the question of why in the world am I becoming a vet pops into my brain. If I cant be objective in a situation like that, am I in any condition to perform surgery, put a dog down? I began to reevaluate my life goal. Obviously, Im still evaluating. And Im trying to figure out why I was put in that situation. I believe those are delivered to us for a reason. But Im having a hard time finding the reason. Is this telling me I am striving towards the wrong dream? Is this just a preparatory situation? Why cant God hand out scripts for these things - explaining how were supposed to respond, why its happening, etc..??

I titled this blog Nameless. Honestly, I was at a loss for how to label this situation. This dog had a name, Im sure, but I didnt know it. Secretly, I named her. Of course, I didnt call her it - I know youre never supposed to give a name... But, of course... I did. Because even though I didnt know her name, she was never Nameless.