The Lifesaver... Not the Edible Ones

Well, I am two "business days" away from finishing my second year of college. More specifically, I have two finals until I am able to say "Im on summer!" The past few weeks have been absolutely crazy. The past year has been insane, really. Filled with hardships, excitement, new relationships, finding out who my true friends are, good memories, times I want to forget... the list goes on and on. And I feel each thing, each trial, each excitement, has brought me to where I am today. Do I wish things had gone differently? Yes. Do I regret some decisions I made this year? Maybe. But its over. Almost. Its been a challenge both socially and academically. I have thrown everything I have into my schoolwork, with little rewards sometimes. I have grown discouraged and questioned what Im doing with my life several times this semester. Ive never been so unclear with what Im doing and where Im going. Its frightening. And especially for little control-freak me, its terrifying. But I keep reminding myself that my life is not my own. My plan is not my own. As soon as I think I know where Im going, it all changes and heads in a different direction. Think God doesnt have a sense of humor? Meet me.... Ill prove He does.
Anyways. This week has just been draining. Like I said, the past few weeks have been exhausting, in all honesty. Im emotionally, physically, and mentally spent. Currently, I feel the best place for me to be is home. Home with my family, who I loves me and accepts me for what I am. I just have to get through these two finals for four months of bliss. Given, this summer will not be all pops and giggles, or whatever that saying is.... I have a lot to do. Some of it Im dreading, but some of it Im absolutely thrilled for. Two finals.... two finals.... a whole lot of packing and a whole lot of cleaning.... then HOME.
I had mentioned last week was hard, maybe more than once, I believe. I had so much to do, presentations, reports, homework, reading, studying, essays, finals... The list just never ends sometimes. I was so grateful for Friday afternoon. So grateful to be done that day... even though I feel like my last final of the day was dreadful, I was grateful it ended. Grateful for what my night held. Sure all of this may be important, but its not what this blog is about. My Friday night brings me to what this blog is about.
I know I mention people sometimes in my blog, but I never truly embellish on them. This blog is going to be different. This blog is going to be filled with pride. Filled with honor. Filled with love.
Last night, I took a trip to Azusa. I met my brother-in-law and sister there, with my mom not far behind. The night was to celebrate my sister and her achievement of being inducted into the Honor Society of Nursing. I knew this was important, but to be completely honest, I had no idea how important it was. I laughed hysterically at the phonetically spelled namecard for my sister, "JOR-DAN-uh." I dont know why I found this so funny, but I laughed for several minutes about it. After looking at the silent auction, getting dinner, and eating dinner, the night finally began. Several different women spoke. Scholarships and awards were handed out. The whole time this went about, I sat thinking My sister deserves an award. Shes unique. Shes special. Theyre privileged to have her in their program. She deserves recognition for her hardwork and loving nature for everyone she encounters. But I kept my mouth shut and continued listening to the names being called for awards.
My sister pointed to an older woman, aged around 80, and informed us shes very important in the world of nursing and even has an award named after her. Ooooo, we were very impressed. Actually, I barely understood what she was saying but I widened my eyes and nodded in acknowledgment. A few minutes later, they announced the award, sponsored by that lady. The Phyllis Ellinger award."The first recipient has a 3.82 GPA." Dang. This is nearly impossible to achieve in high school, let alone college, let alone nursing school! "She has wanted to be a nurse since she was a little girl, but got a little derailed on her track to nursing.." haha, thats Jordanna... "derailed on the nursing track"... "...when she was involved in a car accident as a child..." My mom and I both turned around, our eyes wide, to see my sister, hands folded in her lab, listening to the speaker, with a small, humble smile on her face. "The experience made her turn away from nursing, but she is back with a strong desire to possibly even return to the hospital she stayed in, to work as a nurse." She continued talking, my mom began tearing up, I couldnt smile any bigger, John was clearly proud, and my sister remained unaffected - "cool and collected" you could have called her. Her name was called and she walked up on stage to receive her award. I took pictures, which are kinda dark, so Ill have to lighten them... I dont know how... bleach? John took pictures too, so hopefully those turned out better. What a big deal though. This really was a big deal. She won the Phyllis award!
Then, she passed along the stage, being pinned and corded. Here she is post-pinning-and-cording. (Sorry its a little far away...)
I am so proud of my sister I cannot even explain. She is incredibly intelligent. She is kind and welcoming. She is accepting of all people, regardless their looks, beliefs, or personalities. She shows a love for creation that is purely rare. She is unique. She is beautiful. She is talented. She used to be afraid of the vaccuum when she was little, but I would never ever trade her for a sister who wasnt afraid of the vaccuum. Shes gifted.... in so many ways. Shes humble, never boastful, never prideful. She says she is blessed, but truly, she is a blessing to anyone who comes in contact with her.
A girl spoke about the importance nurses have, as Christians. How they have the ability to, not only, physically help the person, but spiritually. She told a story about how a girl asked her why she was the only nurse who truly loved her mom. It was because she was a Christian and because God loves her mom. I know my sister will have tons of stories like this. She already has a few. Its these qualities, these traits, that made her unique and valuable.
My sister will save lives. She will do it through her nursing knowledge. She will do it through her love for them, because they are Gods creation. She will save so many lives. With her actions. With her words. With her love. If this all seemed "sweet, but kindof unrealistic" you havent met my sister. Plain and simple. This is my sister. My sista from the same motha. My sista from the same Father. He is the One who has given her these abilities. And every day, she gives Him the glory for it. That is why she will save lives. That is why she will make a difference.
So I had a hard week. So I had a hard few weeks. It didnt matter. It was Jordannas night. It was a night to celebrate her achievements. I wanted to be there. I wouldnt have missed it for anything. Good job sister. Im proud of you! And youre almost DONE!!! =)

A Twilight Night

Last night my roommate, Monica, and I watched the Twilight movies. Theres two out right now. You see, we arent die-hard fans. We just cant seem to understand the concept of a love story involving a vampire. You cant either? Dont worry - its not the most usual story anyway. But several days ago, I said to Monica, "Monica, I feel, as girls, we have a duty to watch Twilight." I received the strangest look. I followed with, "That way we can know what all the hype is about... obviously, well make fun of it." So it was decided. Friday night, we were going to watch whatever Twilight movies were on dvd.
Our friend Lauren joined us for the Twilight Saga. We ordered pizza, made some snacks and got all settled to embark on whatever adventure we were headed for.
The covers of these movies was enough to entertain us for a good few hours. But we pushed them aside and began with the first movie. Wow. Theres definitely enough to make fun of. From Kristin Stewart, who could barely act to the lipstick Robert Pattinson wore the entire first movie. We laughed and made jokes the entire movie. The lines were corny, the "creepiness" was definitely creepy, and obviously the plot was completely unrealistic. Besides the existence of my vampire ex-boyfriend, its just completely wrong. However with about 20-30 minutes left of the first movie, I noticed we were all enticed by the movie, staring intently at the screen, and hadnt made a joke a good while. I commented on this and immediately we all started laughing. We figured it was because the whole movie was rather slow and finally, it picked up so we were finally entertained. I had to admit that the way Edward is protective of Bella is super cute. We all admitted it. Its kinda what made the movie. We finished the first movie and began the second.
We were told at Blockbuster that the second movie was much more entertaining and quicker than the first. That proved to be right, but we were already in support of Bellas relationship with Edward, the vampire. When he left in the beginning of the second and we were left with Jacob, the warewolf, we were a little disappointed. Jacob did leave us with plenty to make fun of though. I like Edward though, so I wasnt as much of a fan as the second one - even though it was a little faster.
After the movies were over, I found myself interested in what was going to come next. As in the next movie. I admitted I was a part of Team Edward. No, Im not a die-hard fan, but Im intrigued. Besides, I figured out that its not the plot girls fall in love with. Its Edward. Its the character Robert Pattinson plays. Its how hes protective of her and willing to do whatever to keep her safe. And shes not the easiest person to keep safe - with all the shennanigans she gets herself into. Now if a girl is Team Jacob - I dont get that. Robert Pattinson truly makes the movie. As I was talking with Monica and Lauren about the movies, we discussed who we liked better. Thats right - we found ourselves picking sides. I was explaining my choice of Edward and said, "He has so much self-control. Jacob just gets angry and turns into a warewolf. Edward can control himself. I mean, he even stopped sucking Bellas blood when that was what he really wanted!" I paused. We all looked at each other and started laughing. "Yes I realize what I just said and how strange this entire thing is." We all laughed harder. I never thought I would be interested in Twilight. Monica suspected this would happen for both of us, shes curious of the next movie too. I didnt expect to form an infatuation... though Im not addicted or infatuated, just intrigued. I thought we would laugh and laugh and be done with it. And truly, they were some of the most ridiculous movies Ive ever watched. But, like I said, its Robert Pattinsons character that makes the entire story worthwhile. So now, we have all these tween girls running around thinking Edward is a real guy out there, who will save them from other vampires and wolves. Ah delightful. Anyways. That was our night. Twilight. Filled with lipstick, solemn music, rehearsed de-shirtings, corny acting, and oh thats just the beginning!! Theres more to come! We have to find out what happens next!

Decisions, Decisions

If you are just beginning to follow me on my adventure through life, I would advise you go back a few blogs to learn about my control issues before reading this update. It would give you some understanding as to why this time is so difficult for me. Well today I felt I made a decision. It wasnt a decision that was made out of irrational behavior nor discontent with my surroundings. It was a decision that has been sitting on my brain for a while now. I shoved it to the end of my thoughts, prioritizing with what was most important and needed to be dealt with immediately. School definitely takes the front seat in the priority bus... actually... it drives the bus. Thats right. Thats how controlled and driven I am by school.
Well. My decision hit me while I was sitting in my 8 am Exercise Phys class, running on less that 4 hours of sleep. (Though sleep did not play a roll in my decision, I felt it necessary to place your feet completely in my shoes.) As I sat in class, I was handed 3 labs to complete in the next 2 weeks, containing such activities as running a mile as fast as I can. I dont think the question is how fast can I run the mile - rather than can I run the mile without stopping. Not only did this shut me off to Kinesiology, but it scared the living daylights out of me. It isnt a "I think I can" deal, its a literally not possible-not gonna happen deal for me. Anyways. We also had to walk a full mile. Im sure it isnt as difficult for my spunky, 20-something professor who is so sweet, but is running on a lot of endorphins from exercise (if you dont know what I mean, Legally Blonde states it perfectly = "Exercise produces endorphins. Endorphins make you happy!"). I sat through class wanting so bad to walk up to her, give her my lab, and walk out to never return. I had made my decision that I was switching majors.
Thats right. Shocked? The fact that I actually contemplated it shocked me too. I walked back to my apartment, prepared to look in another direction. I took a shower, got ready for my day, and searched around in the University Catalog for options best fitting to the grad school idea - which would lead me to my dream job. I talked to one of my Biology professors, my favorite professor at CBU. He was encouraging, realistic, yet very helpful. I appreciated him taking 40 minutes to discuss my options and my interests and what could work or how to get there. I talked with my roommate, my best friend, about it over lunch. While I was telling her my fears and confusion - afraid to close doors that would be difficult to reopen, confused as to what I should do and what Im actually called to do in life, she tried to comfort me. She pointed out I may be looking in the wrong place, in the wrong direction. Maybe I have a huge house to fit my thousands of dogs. But thats all Ive ever thought about - all Ive ever dreamed about. If I dont have that to rely on, what do I have? My dreams for my career have been a constant for years. They have been something I can depend on. Even though I dont know who Im going to marry, when Im going to get married, where Ill go to school, how many times Ill have to apply to school, etc. etc. - I always knew I would be a vet. That was the most comforting thing. I knew something about my life. And it blew up in my face.
As I sat and listened to her, a verse popped in my head. Particularly because its hanging on my wall and it so applicable to what I should do every day in my life.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:6

I smiled to myself, and felt a little comforted. I was still absolutely freaking out, but it told me, if I give everything I have to the Lord, and pursue after Him like no other, He will show me what He wants for me. He will always care for me, but He will show me in due time... as long as I look to Him for direction.

I finally talked to my mom later in the evening. I expected her to be 100% on board, as she typically is (especially when it comes to this school stuff). Which dont get me wrong, she was incredibly supportive and encouraging. But she wanted me to be sure of what I was deciding on. She told me if switching was what I really wanted to do, I should do it... but theres no reason to do it now. She finally persuaded me that it was ok to be unsure at times. And shes right. I do have time. I dont have a lot of time, but it isnt a decision that needs to be made by tomorrow. Whew! Can you breathe a sigh of relief too? Im sure your heart is pounding just as rapidly as mine.
So, false alarm. Im still a Kines major. Theres a lot of thought and a lot of research to do. I dont know if Ill be a Kines major by the end of the summer, but for now it is what it is and I need to focus on it. I guess this blog didnt really have a point. It was an update. But also advice. To not only you, but a reminder for me as well. Choices are made daily. We make a choice to eat a cookie (Ive had several in the past few hours). We make a decision to avoid homework and watch a movie (dont worry, thats not a reality for me). Choices choices. All around us. Some are larger than others. But in the end, its going to work out. Im definitely saying this to remind myself, at this point. But even if an original plan doesnt work out, its back to the drawing board. Im sure my planner has more than one plan for me... After all: God loves me. And my mom has a wonderful plan for my life. And Im expecting she has many to choose from if one doesnt pan out as hoped. =)