Well tonight is my last night of summer. Actually, its my last night home. I move back to Riverside tomorrow and start school on Wednesday. I guess, technically, that means Tuesday night is my last night of summer. But tonight feels like my last night.
Im leaving my home. Im leaving my family (animals included). Im leaving some friends. Im leaving my own room, my large bed, my own bathroom, I could go on... Im leaving the what I have known my whole life - the familiarity that I love. Of course, it isnt as difficult as other years.
Freshmen year I moved there completely blind; Not knowing what I would be getting myself into. Not knowing what would be around me, nor where my classes would even be. Sophomore year, I had a better idea of what would happen and I knew it would be better than the first. But it was still begrudgingly - I had 3 or 4 years ahead of me at Cal Baptist.
This year, Im a Junior. It has its positive aspect and its negative. And though I have noticed when I refer to a glass with water in it, I do say "that glass is half full," I really am not the most optimistic person you will ever meet. So even those positives, which I know are definitely good things, Im still reluctant to get excited about them. I know most of my roommates, and even though we arent the best of friends, I think we will be compatible and suit each other. I only have 2 years left - Im halfway through. Im dreading the crazy schedule Ive mapped out for myself. Im praying for the strength to not only pass my classes, but succeed, and retain all of the information that will be thrown at me. Im slightly concerned that Im losing so many of my closest friends this year, either after this first semester or at the end of the year. Im not going to lie or put on a happy face because I would much, much rather quit school and live happily ever after with my parents. Who says "happily ever after" has to involve your own castle? I come home rather often, I say its to maintain my sanity, but Im still moving. I live in Riverside and I visit my home. How weird is that.
But in the end, after I complete schooling and do what I need to do, I think I will be happy. I think Ill be thankful that I kept going. Even though enduring the tough stuff isnt easy (haha!) it makes me stronger and better equips me for the HARD stuff later. Im climbing an uphill battle. Not only is it uphill, but it has huge boulders and trees to go around. It even seems like someone is standing at the top throwing more obstacles down at me, too. But I do have help. I have supporters. I have encouragers. It helps. Knowing all this, Im still not excited. But I know its going to happen - happy face or sad.
And even saying all this, it still hasnt sunk in completely that Im leaving tomorrow. I still feel like I have another week or lifetime before I have to continue with my schooling. Ive worked almost every day this week. It made the week speed by. What a bummer. But the extra money will be beneficial. Anyways, I feel like this night is no different. Like Im crawling into bed, but Ill be doing the same thing tomorrow night. I force myself to do a little reflecting though, not so much I make myself upset, but enough. I realize most of my reflecting is "I dont want to go back." Hey, I mentioned Im not the most optimistic person.
But back to reflecting. I do reflect on the summer. Though I didnt go on any vacations, the summer spent hanging around the place I love the most - my home, was exactly what I needed. And as everyone around me knows, this summer was my most relaxing one. I dont think Ill have anymore, even mildly, similar to this ever again. My favorite aspect of the summer was having my dogs trample in my room every morning. Usually being woken up by their panting or shuffling feet, I never minded too much and would quickly fall back asleep. They spent hours hanging out with me. My worst feeling leaving is the guilt from saying goodbye to them. Them not understanding where Im going nor what is really going on. I guess thats call for a visit! =)
Well. This blog was a whole lotta nothing. Hope you enjoyed it! Its my last before leaving the wonderful comforts of my home. Then youll start reading about the intense homework I should be working on instead of blogging. Yay!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Doctors Orders
So lately, Ive been having trouble falling asleep. Actually, its been a problem for a long time now. Ive never been one to "hit the pillow and be out." Which is not always fun. Sometimes, people like that quiet time to reflect on the day and the events around them. I am not one of those people. I would much rather fall asleep. But my brain continues running, even though my legs are staying put. And it stresses me out. I try to think of nice things, but somehow I will hit a dead-end.
I tried the sheep-over-the-fence thing. As I was counting, I began wondering where these sheep kept coming from. And how could one by-pass my count, but still get on the other side of the fence. I tried making up names for every letter of the alphabet. But I would think of a name of a friend and start wondering how they were doing. Honestly, Im a hopeless case sometimes.
Thursday I visited my doctor about this problem. This summer it has gotten much worse. There has only been a handful of times where it takes me less than an hour and a half or two hours to fall asleep. Basically, she said I have insomnia. Which I actually thought only applied to people who couldnt sleep, period.... So I learned something new for the day. She gave me several recommendations: dont lie in bed and watch tv before falling asleep - sit in a chair (which is much more difficult than I had anticipated), dont drink any caffinated beverages, ie. soda, after noon (today is the first day that has been successful), try to do relaxing things before going to bed (no intense movies and such, which is normally fine for me to follow), exercise more often - but not right before bed (dang it! That was the only time I would exercise!), keep my room as dark as possible (if you know me, you know my room is as close to the room in The Holiday as youre gonna get, so Im set there), etc. etc.. You get the idea. She also said if Im lying in bed for 25 or 30 minutes and still havent fallen asleep, I should get up and do something - read a book, have some decaffinated tea, yada yada. Apparently studies have shown if you lie in bed for 30 minutes awake, it will take you longer to fall asleep. I informed her my body is well into sleep before my mind gets there so getting up will not be the easiest thing. She completely understood but encouraged me to do so anyways.
I have been trying to follow these orders. Some successful, some I still need to work on. Hey, Rome wasnt built in a day... Neither was Paris, America, or any other place. Not even a house can be built in a single day. But here I am. Its passed 10 oclock. Im tired. I have to get up early. I had a hard night at work, wanting to quit and never look back. I have to go to work early tomorrow morning. I want to go to bed. But here I am. Awake. Sitting up. Blogging. Following orders. Because I have been lying in bed for 30 minutes now and I forced myself to get up. Actually, I literally rolled off my bed. And right now, Im wishing I was still lying in bed trying to fall asleep. Who the heck did those studies?! If I get in bed and fall asleep within 10 minutes, Ill write a retraction, thanking those studiers, or as most folk call them - researchers. But right now, I think they made up their "findings." But who knows. All I know is Im looking at a computer screen and my eyes arent even beginning to shut or squint from the brightness. Goodness gracious.
Well. I guess I should try to fall asleep again. I need to sleep. I want to sleep. You probably wouldnt believe me if I told you sleeping is one of my very favorite things to do. You probably wouldnt believe me because you just read a whole thing about how difficult falling asleep is for me. But it is one of my favorite things. It makes me happy. Rested. Ive been dreaming a lot lately. I dont know what that means, but theyve all been pretty good, for the most part. Which also means, I would like to go to sleep to dream.
Here we go. I shall return to my humble abode. What the heck does that even mean? I just looked it up. I still dont know. But I think my beds calling. My body wants to answer.... We shall see if my head will be stubborn and turn away or also answer.
Pleasant dreams, dear readers. Hopefully, youre sleeping soundly at this point in time and not awake like me.
[Afternote: I did not fall asleep 10 minutes after hoping into bed. I lied awake for another 30 or so minutes, but refused to try the whole getting up thing again. Needless to say, writing a retraction to the post titled, "Doctors Orders," will not be on my to-do list.]
I tried the sheep-over-the-fence thing. As I was counting, I began wondering where these sheep kept coming from. And how could one by-pass my count, but still get on the other side of the fence. I tried making up names for every letter of the alphabet. But I would think of a name of a friend and start wondering how they were doing. Honestly, Im a hopeless case sometimes.
Thursday I visited my doctor about this problem. This summer it has gotten much worse. There has only been a handful of times where it takes me less than an hour and a half or two hours to fall asleep. Basically, she said I have insomnia. Which I actually thought only applied to people who couldnt sleep, period.... So I learned something new for the day. She gave me several recommendations: dont lie in bed and watch tv before falling asleep - sit in a chair (which is much more difficult than I had anticipated), dont drink any caffinated beverages, ie. soda, after noon (today is the first day that has been successful), try to do relaxing things before going to bed (no intense movies and such, which is normally fine for me to follow), exercise more often - but not right before bed (dang it! That was the only time I would exercise!), keep my room as dark as possible (if you know me, you know my room is as close to the room in The Holiday as youre gonna get, so Im set there), etc. etc.. You get the idea. She also said if Im lying in bed for 25 or 30 minutes and still havent fallen asleep, I should get up and do something - read a book, have some decaffinated tea, yada yada. Apparently studies have shown if you lie in bed for 30 minutes awake, it will take you longer to fall asleep. I informed her my body is well into sleep before my mind gets there so getting up will not be the easiest thing. She completely understood but encouraged me to do so anyways.
I have been trying to follow these orders. Some successful, some I still need to work on. Hey, Rome wasnt built in a day... Neither was Paris, America, or any other place. Not even a house can be built in a single day. But here I am. Its passed 10 oclock. Im tired. I have to get up early. I had a hard night at work, wanting to quit and never look back. I have to go to work early tomorrow morning. I want to go to bed. But here I am. Awake. Sitting up. Blogging. Following orders. Because I have been lying in bed for 30 minutes now and I forced myself to get up. Actually, I literally rolled off my bed. And right now, Im wishing I was still lying in bed trying to fall asleep. Who the heck did those studies?! If I get in bed and fall asleep within 10 minutes, Ill write a retraction, thanking those studiers, or as most folk call them - researchers. But right now, I think they made up their "findings." But who knows. All I know is Im looking at a computer screen and my eyes arent even beginning to shut or squint from the brightness. Goodness gracious.
Well. I guess I should try to fall asleep again. I need to sleep. I want to sleep. You probably wouldnt believe me if I told you sleeping is one of my very favorite things to do. You probably wouldnt believe me because you just read a whole thing about how difficult falling asleep is for me. But it is one of my favorite things. It makes me happy. Rested. Ive been dreaming a lot lately. I dont know what that means, but theyve all been pretty good, for the most part. Which also means, I would like to go to sleep to dream.
Here we go. I shall return to my humble abode. What the heck does that even mean? I just looked it up. I still dont know. But I think my beds calling. My body wants to answer.... We shall see if my head will be stubborn and turn away or also answer.
Pleasant dreams, dear readers. Hopefully, youre sleeping soundly at this point in time and not awake like me.
[Afternote: I did not fall asleep 10 minutes after hoping into bed. I lied awake for another 30 or so minutes, but refused to try the whole getting up thing again. Needless to say, writing a retraction to the post titled, "Doctors Orders," will not be on my to-do list.]
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Respect the Badge!
First off, I must apologize to my small following. Im really not a good blogger. I feel like I dont always have a lot to talk about. Im not always the most exciting person to tell stories (or lack thereof, lately), nor am I interesting. I dont really provide a unique outlook on life, like my sister does. Im not a snake charmer, like my grandma. I dont meet interesting people while I clean their teeth, like my mom. But I have a feeling I might have more to report when I start back up with school. Though, those reports might be "Day One: I need to study 4 chapters, write a paper, prep for a test...WHY AM I BLOGGING?!" But lets hope not. Anyhow.
Lately, Ive been super into the TLC series "Police Women (of Memphis)." Stop me if youve heard of it. (Or just skip to the next paragraph.) They have different cities they follow, currently the city is Memphis. Its not my favorite city theyve done, but it is the most intense. The other cities show mainly drug busts, small misdemeanor crimes, etc.. On the series premier of Memphis, a man was found shot! Opening scene. I knew this would be good.
Dont worry. This isnt a report saying Im dropping out of school, and jumping into the academy. Through soul searching throughout the summer, I think Im good to go. I know what I want to do. Itll be a hard road, but go big or go home right? To end that short note, I will be returning to school in just a few short weeks... something Im not ready for, in my mind.
Anyhow, I just think it would be super cool to be a police woman. And to be quite honest, I think I would be kinda good at it. Ive been told Im tough... I know what youre thinking, Carly tough?? Shocker... But its true. Ive been told Im intimidating. I can handle the tough stuff. I like to be in charge, but I would like to have the authority to be the go-to person.
In several episodes, this cop is talking to people, who are disrespectful and just rude to her. She finally says, "Okay, I am the police! You respect me!" I think it would be kinda cool to be able to do that! I mean, in reality... who wouldnt?! Shoot.
I see a highway patrolman on the freeway and I instinctively slow down. Doesnt matter if Im already going the speed limit. I dont want to be pulled over! I pull up in front of, behind, or next to a police officer, I am sure not to look at my phone - even to check the time or whatever. The car gets respect without even demanding it. I would love to know what thats like, to drive down the street and turn to look at the car next to me and see someone driving, staring straight ahead, hands ten and two, going the speed limit... Id be like "Ya thats right! I got the badge! Im driving the car!" I mean, Id be saying it to myself - it might be bad if I took advantage of that position.
Then I think I could not go through all that training. I would definitely not be able to make it. Id end up being a mall cop (which is perfectly fine). Paul Blart - who takes his position like a police officer. But its what makes him the hero in the movie. Although, he had to be the hero. How tragic would it be if you have a movie called "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" and he ends up making matters worse and someone else saves the day? Then it would be called "The Other Guy." Haha! Thats a movie out right now... but with guys, plural.
..... And other random thoughts of Carly Danae. Well. Its 11:11. Make a wish! I worked today, yesterday, and am scheduled for tomorrow. I must turn in my license to blog for the night... Though after this randomness I should turn in my license to blog permanently. Who knows... Maybe some of you are enjoying this. Laughing your head off.
On another note, before I sign off. Honesty is the best policy. Even if youre honest about receiving too much money from the bank teller, so you have to give some back, it is the best. And I say that knowing in my heart, it was right. But being honest, in my head, we couldve had quite the shopping experience. All well. I suppose we can rest/sleep peacefully tonight, knowing we did the right thing.
Lately, Ive been super into the TLC series "Police Women (of Memphis)." Stop me if youve heard of it. (Or just skip to the next paragraph.) They have different cities they follow, currently the city is Memphis. Its not my favorite city theyve done, but it is the most intense. The other cities show mainly drug busts, small misdemeanor crimes, etc.. On the series premier of Memphis, a man was found shot! Opening scene. I knew this would be good.
Dont worry. This isnt a report saying Im dropping out of school, and jumping into the academy. Through soul searching throughout the summer, I think Im good to go. I know what I want to do. Itll be a hard road, but go big or go home right? To end that short note, I will be returning to school in just a few short weeks... something Im not ready for, in my mind.
Anyhow, I just think it would be super cool to be a police woman. And to be quite honest, I think I would be kinda good at it. Ive been told Im tough... I know what youre thinking, Carly tough?? Shocker... But its true. Ive been told Im intimidating. I can handle the tough stuff. I like to be in charge, but I would like to have the authority to be the go-to person.
In several episodes, this cop is talking to people, who are disrespectful and just rude to her. She finally says, "Okay, I am the police! You respect me!" I think it would be kinda cool to be able to do that! I mean, in reality... who wouldnt?! Shoot.
I see a highway patrolman on the freeway and I instinctively slow down. Doesnt matter if Im already going the speed limit. I dont want to be pulled over! I pull up in front of, behind, or next to a police officer, I am sure not to look at my phone - even to check the time or whatever. The car gets respect without even demanding it. I would love to know what thats like, to drive down the street and turn to look at the car next to me and see someone driving, staring straight ahead, hands ten and two, going the speed limit... Id be like "Ya thats right! I got the badge! Im driving the car!" I mean, Id be saying it to myself - it might be bad if I took advantage of that position.
Then I think I could not go through all that training. I would definitely not be able to make it. Id end up being a mall cop (which is perfectly fine). Paul Blart - who takes his position like a police officer. But its what makes him the hero in the movie. Although, he had to be the hero. How tragic would it be if you have a movie called "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" and he ends up making matters worse and someone else saves the day? Then it would be called "The Other Guy." Haha! Thats a movie out right now... but with guys, plural.
..... And other random thoughts of Carly Danae. Well. Its 11:11. Make a wish! I worked today, yesterday, and am scheduled for tomorrow. I must turn in my license to blog for the night... Though after this randomness I should turn in my license to blog permanently. Who knows... Maybe some of you are enjoying this. Laughing your head off.
On another note, before I sign off. Honesty is the best policy. Even if youre honest about receiving too much money from the bank teller, so you have to give some back, it is the best. And I say that knowing in my heart, it was right. But being honest, in my head, we couldve had quite the shopping experience. All well. I suppose we can rest/sleep peacefully tonight, knowing we did the right thing.
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