Reflections

Well tonight is my last night of summer. Actually, its my last night home. I move back to Riverside tomorrow and start school on Wednesday. I guess, technically, that means Tuesday night is my last night of summer. But tonight feels like my last night.
Im leaving my home. Im leaving my family (animals included). Im leaving some friends. Im leaving my own room, my large bed, my own bathroom, I could go on... Im leaving the what I have known my whole life - the familiarity that I love. Of course, it isnt as difficult as other years.
Freshmen year I moved there completely blind; Not knowing what I would be getting myself into. Not knowing what would be around me, nor where my classes would even be. Sophomore year, I had a better idea of what would happen and I knew it would be better than the first. But it was still begrudgingly - I had 3 or 4 years ahead of me at Cal Baptist.
This year, Im a Junior. It has its positive aspect and its negative. And though I have noticed when I refer to a glass with water in it, I do say "that glass is half full," I really am not the most optimistic person you will ever meet. So even those positives, which I know are definitely good things, Im still reluctant to get excited about them. I know most of my roommates, and even though we arent the best of friends, I think we will be compatible and suit each other. I only have 2 years left - Im halfway through. Im dreading the crazy schedule Ive mapped out for myself. Im praying for the strength to not only pass my classes, but succeed, and retain all of the information that will be thrown at me. Im slightly concerned that Im losing so many of my closest friends this year, either after this first semester or at the end of the year. Im not going to lie or put on a happy face because I would much, much rather quit school and live happily ever after with my parents. Who says "happily ever after" has to involve your own castle? I come home rather often, I say its to maintain my sanity, but Im still moving. I live in Riverside and I visit my home. How weird is that.
But in the end, after I complete schooling and do what I need to do, I think I will be happy. I think Ill be thankful that I kept going. Even though enduring the tough stuff isnt easy (haha!) it makes me stronger and better equips me for the HARD stuff later. Im climbing an uphill battle. Not only is it uphill, but it has huge boulders and trees to go around. It even seems like someone is standing at the top throwing more obstacles down at me, too. But I do have help. I have supporters. I have encouragers. It helps. Knowing all this, Im still not excited. But I know its going to happen - happy face or sad.
And even saying all this, it still hasnt sunk in completely that Im leaving tomorrow. I still feel like I have another week or lifetime before I have to continue with my schooling. Ive worked almost every day this week. It made the week speed by. What a bummer. But the extra money will be beneficial. Anyways, I feel like this night is no different. Like Im crawling into bed, but Ill be doing the same thing tomorrow night. I force myself to do a little reflecting though, not so much I make myself upset, but enough. I realize most of my reflecting is "I dont want to go back." Hey, I mentioned Im not the most optimistic person.
But back to reflecting. I do reflect on the summer. Though I didnt go on any vacations, the summer spent hanging around the place I love the most - my home, was exactly what I needed. And as everyone around me knows, this summer was my most relaxing one. I dont think Ill have anymore, even mildly, similar to this ever again. My favorite aspect of the summer was having my dogs trample in my room every morning. Usually being woken up by their panting or shuffling feet, I never minded too much and would quickly fall back asleep. They spent hours hanging out with me. My worst feeling leaving is the guilt from saying goodbye to them. Them not understanding where Im going nor what is really going on. I guess thats call for a visit! =)
Well. This blog was a whole lotta nothing. Hope you enjoyed it! Its my last before leaving the wonderful comforts of my home. Then youll start reading about the intense homework I should be working on instead of blogging. Yay!