Every day for the past couple years, I have thought - at some point during the day - I should really work out... I really need to get active and get in shape and lose some weight. And when I say every day, I really do mean every day. So, yesterday was no different. I awoke in the morning, grateful I didn't have to go straight to work and was able to veg in the morning. I relaxed, watched tv, took my time waking my mind up. All the while thinking I'm going to do my Jillian Michaels dvd this morning! With my excited-can do attitude, I pounced off the couch!
This is what happened.
I grabbed the phone and dialed my sister.
"Whatcha doing?"
"Oh I'm trying to encourage myself to workout. What are you doing?"
And we talked for an hour or more.
We hung up, only because she was at her destination and meeting a friend. Otherwise I could've talked to her about each strand of my hair to avoid getting off phone.
I walked into the kitchen to fill a glass with water (in preparation for my workout).
I spied a container of chocolate chips cookies I had baked the day earlier (I really am the source of my own downfall).
Of course, I had to eat one! Which means two.
Then I found the perfect cookie. I set it right on top for me to eat at the end of my workout... I need a little incentive, right?!
I walked to my room to get the weights and put on more comfortable clothes.
Coming back into the family room, I realized I had forgotten the weights.
Go get the weights.
Grab my Bible while I'm at it.
It's ok, I can eat the cookie now. I'll have another one at the end.
Oh, lets do some quiet time! I mean, it is most important.
Read my Bible.
Lord, I'm spending time with you. I love you. Please make me skinny. This should be worth more than crunches!
That didn't work.
Another cookie.
At some point, I did end up doing a brief workout. But usually, I end up showering and once I'm clean, I can't get sweaty! Needless to say. I hate working out. It never gets easier. It never becomes likable. But it is needed, relatively. I was the only person in college like this, cuz I was surrounded with Kinesiology-workout people. But hopefully now, those around me understand more. At least my mom does. We've devoured those cookies.....
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Faithful Promises
Today is October 23. Which means its day October 23 of Jesus Calling. Now. I'm not going to pretend I read every day of Jesus Calling. But every now and then I'm curious to see what the Lord is telling me. Truly, every time I open that little book I discover - yet another - reason why I love it. I don't open it enough. And I don't know why I don't go to that over other, for lack of a better term, non-inspiring resources. But that is not my focus today.
If you read Jesus Calling religiously, you know what today was about. If you don't, I will tell you. Or rather, I will type up what the day says.
Then it gives two verses to further dive into the meaning of the words and help you create an even more impacting and joyous image. John 17:20-23 and Psalm 16:11.
I wish so bad I was this person who, after reading this, just smiles and sits back, closes her eyes, and feels the joy of being in the Presence of the Lord. Sits in silence and peace, with a heart that just pours over with joy. But, I'm not. I never have been. Despite how hard I try. I think that is what my sister and my grandma do. And I am so jealous of them for that. They provide so much incite about what they are reading in the Word and they want to dive even more into it and share about it. Awesome right? My mom is insightful about what she reads, too, but I think she understands where I'm coming from (which is still not evident yet - I'm sure).
So as I sat back, I imagined the Lord sitting next to me, staring at me. Like a child who made his mom a mothers day card and was eagerly awaiting her response to viewing it. And I managed a smile, because it is a wonderful feeling and scene to picture - being one with my Creator. But I still didn't feel that overwhelming joy almost everyone on earth experiences... Or at least, those are the people who talk about their quiet times with the Lord. Always describing it as "rejuvenating, enlightening, fulfilling, joyous, captivating,..." you get the picture.
This is a big reason of why I don't openly discuss my quiet time. Who wants to hear that they read the Bible and it just wasn't quite what they needed or they are still not content? So I began to ponder a different way to approach my readings. And though my thought process started to drift from October 23 of Jesus Calling, it still relates. I also read Psalm 91 - which is still slightly in line with Jesus Calling. Promises to those who dwell in the shelter of the Lord.
And I began to realize something. The Bible is filled with promises. Nearly every time I open it and read, I find a promise. Not just any promise - God's Promises. My family taking promising very seriously. You can't go back on a promise. And you can never - NEVER - lie if you promise. But with all these promises in the Bible comes something that isn't guaranteed or offered anywhere else in the world. With God's promises comes fulfillment. He follows through on what He promises. Even when we can't feel it, even when we don't see it, He follows through.
So as I read through Psalm 91 as the Lord is promising that if we dwell with Him and use Him as our place of Refuge and safety, He will protect us. He will be with us in trouble times. He will send His angels to guard us. These are promises that we can trust and have faith in. Jesus Calling doesn't say "As you are immediately filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me." It says "As you are increasingly filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me." Just because I didn't feel joy instantly doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It means I need to seek Him more - increasingly being filled by Him. Then I will experience joy.
I choose to feel reassurance and peace. Many feel such joy when talking with the Lord, I'm tired of not feeling it. And I do feel reassured and comforted knowing one thing is always constant. People constantly let us down. They break promises, they fail. We are human. We are not perfect. But only One makes promise after promise and will hold true to all of them. Maybe we don't see it or feel it today or tomorrow, but we know we can trust in Him.
I don't know where I'm headed in life. I don't know if I will ever feel pure joy in my life. But I can feel comforted knowing that I have someone who promises me things and will always hold up His end of the bargain.
It's my turn to hold up mine.
If you read Jesus Calling religiously, you know what today was about. If you don't, I will tell you. Or rather, I will type up what the day says.
"As you turn your attention to Me, feel the Light of My Presence shining upon you, Open your mind and heart to receive My heavenly smile of approval. Let My gold-tinged Love wash over you and soak into the depths of your being. As you are increasingly filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me: I in you, and you in Me. Your Joy-in-Me and My Joy-in-you become intertwined and inseparable. I suffuse your soul with Joy in My Presence; at My right hand there are pleasures forevermore."
Then it gives two verses to further dive into the meaning of the words and help you create an even more impacting and joyous image. John 17:20-23 and Psalm 16:11.
I wish so bad I was this person who, after reading this, just smiles and sits back, closes her eyes, and feels the joy of being in the Presence of the Lord. Sits in silence and peace, with a heart that just pours over with joy. But, I'm not. I never have been. Despite how hard I try. I think that is what my sister and my grandma do. And I am so jealous of them for that. They provide so much incite about what they are reading in the Word and they want to dive even more into it and share about it. Awesome right? My mom is insightful about what she reads, too, but I think she understands where I'm coming from (which is still not evident yet - I'm sure).
So as I sat back, I imagined the Lord sitting next to me, staring at me. Like a child who made his mom a mothers day card and was eagerly awaiting her response to viewing it. And I managed a smile, because it is a wonderful feeling and scene to picture - being one with my Creator. But I still didn't feel that overwhelming joy almost everyone on earth experiences... Or at least, those are the people who talk about their quiet times with the Lord. Always describing it as "rejuvenating, enlightening, fulfilling, joyous, captivating,..." you get the picture.
This is a big reason of why I don't openly discuss my quiet time. Who wants to hear that they read the Bible and it just wasn't quite what they needed or they are still not content? So I began to ponder a different way to approach my readings. And though my thought process started to drift from October 23 of Jesus Calling, it still relates. I also read Psalm 91 - which is still slightly in line with Jesus Calling. Promises to those who dwell in the shelter of the Lord.
And I began to realize something. The Bible is filled with promises. Nearly every time I open it and read, I find a promise. Not just any promise - God's Promises. My family taking promising very seriously. You can't go back on a promise. And you can never - NEVER - lie if you promise. But with all these promises in the Bible comes something that isn't guaranteed or offered anywhere else in the world. With God's promises comes fulfillment. He follows through on what He promises. Even when we can't feel it, even when we don't see it, He follows through.
So as I read through Psalm 91 as the Lord is promising that if we dwell with Him and use Him as our place of Refuge and safety, He will protect us. He will be with us in trouble times. He will send His angels to guard us. These are promises that we can trust and have faith in. Jesus Calling doesn't say "As you are immediately filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me." It says "As you are increasingly filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me." Just because I didn't feel joy instantly doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It means I need to seek Him more - increasingly being filled by Him. Then I will experience joy.
I choose to feel reassurance and peace. Many feel such joy when talking with the Lord, I'm tired of not feeling it. And I do feel reassured and comforted knowing one thing is always constant. People constantly let us down. They break promises, they fail. We are human. We are not perfect. But only One makes promise after promise and will hold true to all of them. Maybe we don't see it or feel it today or tomorrow, but we know we can trust in Him.
I don't know where I'm headed in life. I don't know if I will ever feel pure joy in my life. But I can feel comforted knowing that I have someone who promises me things and will always hold up His end of the bargain.
It's my turn to hold up mine.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Pioneer Woman... In Training...
I have a bit of an obsession. Its been growing - it isnt NEW, but it has sprung within the last year. And its going to sound slightly stalkerish, but its truly not. It is a fascination with a person. Not a "typical" celebrity, but I guarantee you if I ever meet her, Im fairly positive I will be star struck. Some people have heard of her - if not on their own, then definitely by me.
She is honest - whether it be on her show, confessing she licks the brownie bowl during commercial breaks, or on her blog when she tells stories about how she cannot dance.
Her name is Ree Drummond. She is better known as the Pioneer Woman.
I found her on Food Network. Another obsession I have. [Obviously] she has a cooking show and makes all kinds of amazing things! Ever since the whole Paula Deen scandal (which - lets not even GO there) and Food Network cancelling all her shows (ya, she was once on half the day), its obvious theyre trying to find a new 'Paula Deen.' I feel they have been elevating the Barefoot Contessa. Wrongly so. I believe, Pioneer Woman should be the new face of Food Network, as Paula Deen once was.
Anyway. PW lives on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, Oklahoma. A HUGE ranch. With her husband and kids. She cooks for her family while they manage the ranch. She takes them food, sets up picnics, has steaming hot meals ready at the end of the day... Plus all other mom/wife duties a mom/wife does. She calls herself an accidental country girl and is not ashamed to say she still hasnt gotten the hang of ranch-life. Yet she seems like a pro.
And truly. I just want her life. I want to be her. She is just the perfect woman. I love the country, I am a country girl at heart. I love that life style. But since I cant actually be her, I just really really want to know her and be her friend. Let me tell you why.
She is genuine - just so real.
She cooks incredible food! And isnt afraid to go a little heavy with the cream or butter. I love it.
She is kind.
She is welcoming - constantly having company over and hosting all types of functions.
She is humble. She has the coolest life, but she never acts like she has it all. (Partly because she cant go down the street to grab a Starbucks.)
She is funny! Shes a little corny, but thats part of why shes so captivating!
Shes adorable! She wears the cutest shirts and the cutest boots, always has her hair and makeup done. Always looking flawless. On a ranch. Im sure - its not an easy task.
Did I mention she is an amazing cook??
She loves her dogs and always has them be part of her show, blog, or cookbooks. [She also loves all the other animals on her ranch, but her Bassett Hound, Charlie, is always with her.]
Did I mention she is an amazing cook??
She loves her dogs and always has them be part of her show, blog, or cookbooks. [She also loves all the other animals on her ranch, but her Bassett Hound, Charlie, is always with her.]
You have to watch her show, or at least read her blog (a posting or two). Youll quickly learn why she is so great and youll fall in love with her too. You can find her website here:http://thepioneerwoman.com/
Itll entertain you for hours and make you super hungry. Youre welcome. =)
I can only pray I have little characteristics of Pioneer Woman... since I dont see a cowboy taking me to a life like hers anytime in my future...
I can only pray I have little characteristics of Pioneer Woman... since I dont see a cowboy taking me to a life like hers anytime in my future...
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Catch-up
Just to catch you up on dog adventures... and see how BIG Brinkley is, I figured Id give you a little something to hold you over until something totally exciting and worth reading happens in my life. =)
A couple weeks ago, Mom and I took Brinkley and Ava to the beach. It was only Brinkleys second time and Avas forth time (I think). Brinkley LOVES to socialize, but he hasnt figured out that hes allowed to play with other dogs besides Ava. Finally he got it and played with a little-medium-sized dog. All the while, Ava just wants to play fetch. The. Entire. Time.
A couple weeks ago, Mom and I took Brinkley and Ava to the beach. It was only Brinkleys second time and Avas forth time (I think). Brinkley LOVES to socialize, but he hasnt figured out that hes allowed to play with other dogs besides Ava. Finally he got it and played with a little-medium-sized dog. All the while, Ava just wants to play fetch. The. Entire. Time.
And of course, they were soooo sleepy. Got baths right after we left the beach, so they felt good and clean. And were so ready for a nap.
And, of course, theyre just the cutest little buddies ever.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
A Gamblers' Advice
Today I decided to check out a website I had seen a commercial for. Its a website where people get huge HUGE deals on EVERYTHING. From gift cards to Starbucks and Home Depot to iPads and Laptops. The thing that really caught my attention was a lady saying she purchased a KitchenAid standing mixer for $40! Now, I love to cook and have been dying for one of these awesome mixers for months, if not years. So I decided I need to figure out how I could be apart of something so amazing.
Before going too deep into what happened next, let me tell you something. If something seems too good to be true... It is. The only exceptions are Jesus and how unreal it is how much He loves us (yet He does) and Santa Claus. Those are pretty much the only exceptions to this common phrase. I, of course, always need to try things on my own. And I always want to believe things, so I give it at least one try. But let me tell you, if you hear of something being such a huge deal - theres something wrong. It really is too good to be true. Dont even do investigating. Because people know how to deceive and make you think its still good. Just avoid it. Dont do it. Its bad.
So back to my story. Which Im sure you have a general idea of how things went. But Ill tell you anyways. This needs to get out. Im contemplating making my own commercial about this site and exposing the TRUTH about it.
So I checked out the site. I wont even say the site at this point because I know youll be tempted to check it out. Ill post it at the end... after my warnings and you can make an education decision of what you want to do. I go to the site and theres all these amazing testimonials of what people have won and how much they spent on it. And it said "winners" rather than 'testimonials.' This shouldve been my first clue. But I ignored it and continued figuring out what it was. I immediately went to the place where all the things are available. Again, ignoring a bad indication when you have to click on "auctions" to see all the cool stuff they have available. And on each item available you click "BID NOW".
Let me tell you, there is some cool stuff available! Like I said, gift cards, iPads, iPhones, TVs, etc. Heres my other problem - Im slightly impulsive. I see something I like and I go for it. Theres no additional shopping around. I dont check other places for deals. I decide I want it and thats that. So right as Im about to sign on the dotted line and create an account for this sinful site, I found a tab that said "whats the catch?" Trying to be fiscally responsible, (I really still dont understand it all) I clicked on it and watched a short video that explained the game to me.
Heres how it works:
In order to win something, you have to bid on it and [obviously] be the highest bidder.
In order to bid on something, you have to have bids - this means you have to purchase bids which are normally $.60 a piece.
When you bid on something, you use your bids and youre technically spending $.60 every time you bid on something - win or not.
To create an account, you have to purchase bids at normal price and you have to buy a pack of 60. (Thats $36 for 60 bids.) But then youre in the game!
Bidding starts at $0.00 and everytime someone places a bid, it goes up by $.01. Amazing right??
So you have to wait for the timer to run down to 10 seconds, then its open for bidding. You can see how many people are participating in the auction by clicking on the item.
Heres the bigger catch, everytime someone bids on the item, the clock goes back to 10 seconds and starts counting down again. So the clock can say 10 seconds for 20 minutes - depending on how many people are bidding and how far theyre willing to go.
If you lose a bidding war, you can click "buy it now" and pay the full purchase price AND get all your bids back.
You can always choose to "buy it now" and pay the full purchase price - but that kinda defeats the purpose.
There are other little rules to play by, but these are the main instructions. This is how the game is played. Its what you need to know to start bidding. Are you thinking it seems amazing and you need to sign up?! Then youre like me. If youre thinking its a total scam and you need to run... youre way smarter than me.
So within half an hour of creating and account and buying my "starter kit" with 60 bids - Im down to 6 bids. And Ive obtained 7 free bids in the process. Therefore, I went from 67 to 6. In half. an. hour. Another tid bit about Carly - I can easily and quickly become addicted to something. Ive posted in the past about playing the stuffed animal claw game... well this is why I dont gamble and go to casinos. Ever. Because I know how easy it is to get the fever and spend a lot of money knowing that a win is just around the corner. And theres another $50.
I didnt end up winning anything. I was trying to win more bids and a Starbucks card. And I failed. And now Im down to 4 bids. =/ Yikes. Needless to say, I have checked the site several times to see how things are going and whats up for auction. I ended up bidding again... its how I got down to 4 bids.
I started this posting last night and am now finishing up. There is a new development though! I have received an email with tips on how to win auctions! One of which shows the times when there is less traffic on the site to increase your chances of winning! So Ill have to check that out! But I really need to get some more bids. Im debating against buying more bids though... since Ive basically thrown money away already.
And that is my story. So if you see a commercial for dealdash.com and youre tempted to go there... just remember that sin is tempting. And run. RUN. RUN FAR AWAY. Block it from your browser!!
Hopefully you dont have find yourself in the predicament Im in. WANTING MORE.
May the force be with you if you check it out...
Before going too deep into what happened next, let me tell you something. If something seems too good to be true... It is. The only exceptions are Jesus and how unreal it is how much He loves us (yet He does) and Santa Claus. Those are pretty much the only exceptions to this common phrase. I, of course, always need to try things on my own. And I always want to believe things, so I give it at least one try. But let me tell you, if you hear of something being such a huge deal - theres something wrong. It really is too good to be true. Dont even do investigating. Because people know how to deceive and make you think its still good. Just avoid it. Dont do it. Its bad.
So back to my story. Which Im sure you have a general idea of how things went. But Ill tell you anyways. This needs to get out. Im contemplating making my own commercial about this site and exposing the TRUTH about it.
So I checked out the site. I wont even say the site at this point because I know youll be tempted to check it out. Ill post it at the end... after my warnings and you can make an education decision of what you want to do. I go to the site and theres all these amazing testimonials of what people have won and how much they spent on it. And it said "winners" rather than 'testimonials.' This shouldve been my first clue. But I ignored it and continued figuring out what it was. I immediately went to the place where all the things are available. Again, ignoring a bad indication when you have to click on "auctions" to see all the cool stuff they have available. And on each item available you click "BID NOW".
Let me tell you, there is some cool stuff available! Like I said, gift cards, iPads, iPhones, TVs, etc. Heres my other problem - Im slightly impulsive. I see something I like and I go for it. Theres no additional shopping around. I dont check other places for deals. I decide I want it and thats that. So right as Im about to sign on the dotted line and create an account for this sinful site, I found a tab that said "whats the catch?" Trying to be fiscally responsible, (I really still dont understand it all) I clicked on it and watched a short video that explained the game to me.
Heres how it works:
In order to win something, you have to bid on it and [obviously] be the highest bidder.
In order to bid on something, you have to have bids - this means you have to purchase bids which are normally $.60 a piece.
When you bid on something, you use your bids and youre technically spending $.60 every time you bid on something - win or not.
To create an account, you have to purchase bids at normal price and you have to buy a pack of 60. (Thats $36 for 60 bids.) But then youre in the game!
Bidding starts at $0.00 and everytime someone places a bid, it goes up by $.01. Amazing right??
So you have to wait for the timer to run down to 10 seconds, then its open for bidding. You can see how many people are participating in the auction by clicking on the item.
Heres the bigger catch, everytime someone bids on the item, the clock goes back to 10 seconds and starts counting down again. So the clock can say 10 seconds for 20 minutes - depending on how many people are bidding and how far theyre willing to go.
If you lose a bidding war, you can click "buy it now" and pay the full purchase price AND get all your bids back.
You can always choose to "buy it now" and pay the full purchase price - but that kinda defeats the purpose.
There are other little rules to play by, but these are the main instructions. This is how the game is played. Its what you need to know to start bidding. Are you thinking it seems amazing and you need to sign up?! Then youre like me. If youre thinking its a total scam and you need to run... youre way smarter than me.
So within half an hour of creating and account and buying my "starter kit" with 60 bids - Im down to 6 bids. And Ive obtained 7 free bids in the process. Therefore, I went from 67 to 6. In half. an. hour. Another tid bit about Carly - I can easily and quickly become addicted to something. Ive posted in the past about playing the stuffed animal claw game... well this is why I dont gamble and go to casinos. Ever. Because I know how easy it is to get the fever and spend a lot of money knowing that a win is just around the corner. And theres another $50.
I didnt end up winning anything. I was trying to win more bids and a Starbucks card. And I failed. And now Im down to 4 bids. =/ Yikes. Needless to say, I have checked the site several times to see how things are going and whats up for auction. I ended up bidding again... its how I got down to 4 bids.
I started this posting last night and am now finishing up. There is a new development though! I have received an email with tips on how to win auctions! One of which shows the times when there is less traffic on the site to increase your chances of winning! So Ill have to check that out! But I really need to get some more bids. Im debating against buying more bids though... since Ive basically thrown money away already.
And that is my story. So if you see a commercial for dealdash.com and youre tempted to go there... just remember that sin is tempting. And run. RUN. RUN FAR AWAY. Block it from your browser!!
Hopefully you dont have find yourself in the predicament Im in. WANTING MORE.
May the force be with you if you check it out...
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The Trouble with Fear
As you may - or may not - know, I graduated from college a little over a year ago now. Gee. A year. Where in the world did the time go?? What have I been doing since then? Well, let me tell you. Not much.
I've continued to work at the same place since graduating, the same place I worked at during college when I would come home on summer break and often times during Christmas. I enrolled in and completed Physics this Spring, so I am one step closer to graduate school. Pretty much any graduate school. I've spent every free moment at home, with my Ava and our new Brinkley. Literally. Every free moment. Partly because I don't really have any friends around here. Mostly because I love home and I love my dog(s) even more.
But you get to a point where you think, what am I doing?? I mean, I need to choose/find a career. I need to become a full-fledged adult. I have a dog to support. And hopefully I'll have more to support one day. I've decided to not go in the direction I've been striving towards for the past 4+ years. I think I've written about that. And I'm ok with that decision. The problem now is where do I go? What do I do?
So I embarked on a new career venture toward Physical Therapy. I've been told I would make an excellent Physical Therapist... apparently I have the right personality. [This isn't necessarily a compliment...] I visited a private campus, an extension from a graduate school in Florida. It is based in San Diego (which is much more viable for me). It only has 2 programs. Yes you read correctly - 2. Occupational therapy and physical therapy. It is kinda perfect for me. It's a shorter program, though more intense. It's small so I don't have to walk all over the place to get to class. The only thing I'm concerned about is the internships you do. Where you're sent wherever they want to send you. Finding housing for 2 or more months is completely your responsibility. And you don't know where you will be sent. But even as my head told me that just isn't happening, my heart was consoled when I found out students take their dogs with them. And even more consoled when the proposal of my grandma coming along with me - and her totally liking the idea. So I proceeded to process.
What's standing in my way? Observation hours. Once I track down 80 observation hours, I'm good to go. I can apply no problem.
And even with knowing how close I am, I continue to look into my options. The first time I don't just go for something at the drop of a hat. Usually, when I shop, I grab the first thing I see. No need to further exploration. That's a fairly good description of me. And usually, I'm content with my choice. Except for these situations. Regarding my life. I'm more meticulous and indecisive. So I have come up with becoming a real estate agent. I can watch hgtv all day. I love home shows. I came up with a handful of reasons why I would make a great real estate agent. My favorite reasons - its so quick to get licensed and you create your own schedule, so you can be extremely flexible. However, I'm terrible at marketing myself. Literally I loathe talking about myself and putting myself out there the way you have to in real estate. I've also come up with becoming a chef. (Something that has always been in the option list.) Because I can watch food network all day long. And I love being creative with food.
I mean, the list goes on and on. And why am I still sitting, job searching and processing? Because I'm afraid. Do you know what the biggest trouble with fear is? It's paralyzing. It'll stop you in your tracks, steal your voice and confidence, and ruin a plan.
So in this place of feeling stuck and needing to move forward, the most influential feeling is fear. And it is stopping me from doing anything. Pathetic isn't it? The Bible says not to fear enough times to be said every day for a year. I know the Lord is in control. I just want a door to be opened. I know I'm probably reading it wrong and really, multiple doors are open, I just need to decide which one to walk through. And no matter which door I choose, the Lord is with me.
I just need to get over this and move forward. I know you're probably shocked to hear I'm afraid. I am the one who fears nothing! (Besides creepy crawlies.) But big decisions scare me. Paralyze me. Stops me in my tracks. Steals my voice and confidence. And ruins my plan. And what am I even afraid of?? Oh plenty. Failure. Not remembering what I've learned. Not liking it. Being put on the spot. Name it, I'm probably afraid of it.
I've continued to work at the same place since graduating, the same place I worked at during college when I would come home on summer break and often times during Christmas. I enrolled in and completed Physics this Spring, so I am one step closer to graduate school. Pretty much any graduate school. I've spent every free moment at home, with my Ava and our new Brinkley. Literally. Every free moment. Partly because I don't really have any friends around here. Mostly because I love home and I love my dog(s) even more.
But you get to a point where you think, what am I doing?? I mean, I need to choose/find a career. I need to become a full-fledged adult. I have a dog to support. And hopefully I'll have more to support one day. I've decided to not go in the direction I've been striving towards for the past 4+ years. I think I've written about that. And I'm ok with that decision. The problem now is where do I go? What do I do?
So I embarked on a new career venture toward Physical Therapy. I've been told I would make an excellent Physical Therapist... apparently I have the right personality. [This isn't necessarily a compliment...] I visited a private campus, an extension from a graduate school in Florida. It is based in San Diego (which is much more viable for me). It only has 2 programs. Yes you read correctly - 2. Occupational therapy and physical therapy. It is kinda perfect for me. It's a shorter program, though more intense. It's small so I don't have to walk all over the place to get to class. The only thing I'm concerned about is the internships you do. Where you're sent wherever they want to send you. Finding housing for 2 or more months is completely your responsibility. And you don't know where you will be sent. But even as my head told me that just isn't happening, my heart was consoled when I found out students take their dogs with them. And even more consoled when the proposal of my grandma coming along with me - and her totally liking the idea. So I proceeded to process.
What's standing in my way? Observation hours. Once I track down 80 observation hours, I'm good to go. I can apply no problem.
And even with knowing how close I am, I continue to look into my options. The first time I don't just go for something at the drop of a hat. Usually, when I shop, I grab the first thing I see. No need to further exploration. That's a fairly good description of me. And usually, I'm content with my choice. Except for these situations. Regarding my life. I'm more meticulous and indecisive. So I have come up with becoming a real estate agent. I can watch hgtv all day. I love home shows. I came up with a handful of reasons why I would make a great real estate agent. My favorite reasons - its so quick to get licensed and you create your own schedule, so you can be extremely flexible. However, I'm terrible at marketing myself. Literally I loathe talking about myself and putting myself out there the way you have to in real estate. I've also come up with becoming a chef. (Something that has always been in the option list.) Because I can watch food network all day long. And I love being creative with food.
I mean, the list goes on and on. And why am I still sitting, job searching and processing? Because I'm afraid. Do you know what the biggest trouble with fear is? It's paralyzing. It'll stop you in your tracks, steal your voice and confidence, and ruin a plan.
So in this place of feeling stuck and needing to move forward, the most influential feeling is fear. And it is stopping me from doing anything. Pathetic isn't it? The Bible says not to fear enough times to be said every day for a year. I know the Lord is in control. I just want a door to be opened. I know I'm probably reading it wrong and really, multiple doors are open, I just need to decide which one to walk through. And no matter which door I choose, the Lord is with me.
I just need to get over this and move forward. I know you're probably shocked to hear I'm afraid. I am the one who fears nothing! (Besides creepy crawlies.) But big decisions scare me. Paralyze me. Stops me in my tracks. Steals my voice and confidence. And ruins my plan. And what am I even afraid of?? Oh plenty. Failure. Not remembering what I've learned. Not liking it. Being put on the spot. Name it, I'm probably afraid of it.
But somehow, I'll get past this.
And move forward into life.
My grandma is depending on me for an adventure!
Ava is depending on me for a sweet life!
I need to grow up!
.......
Yikes.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
A Lassie of My Own
Thursday night something amazing happened at my house.
And when I say amazing I mean hilarious, yet truly remarkable and uncommon.
When I say uncommon I mean this does not happen often and especially not [yet] in my house.
Not [yet] in my house...
Until Thursday.
When the something amazing happened.
You may or may not know, I have a dog.
Her name is Ava. She is a little 46/47lb Lab mix.
I love my little girl more than I can express or anyone understands.
She is the best gift I have ever received and has such a huge place in my heart.
She is absolutely adorable and so sweet.
She is squirrelly, stubborn, and independent.
She is so caring, especially about her peers in crisis mode (ie. howling or whining dogs). Cue story.
Last night, Ava was outside going about her business, sniffing, running, checking things out.
After a bit, we began to hear her bark.
This is not uncommon, as Ava will bark at a leaf in the pool. And more recently, our neighbor who likes to do yardwork in the later evening. [I would bark too.]
After several minutes of us doing our own thing inside and not checking on her, she obviously needed our attention.
Suddenly, she jumped on the door, making herself as tall as possible and began barking her aggressive not-so-little bark.
As soon as we looked at her, she got down on her four legs and ran away.
It was apparent she wanted our attention.
We then went to the door, me calling out
"What is it Lassie?!" (Clearly, I was joking......)
Once we stepped outside, we looked toward the pool to see her along the side staring intently in - glancing up at us, then back into the pool, then up at us, then back into the pool.
Again, not an uncommon sight. Ava will stand at the side of the pool and stare in at her ball for hours on end, praying someone gets it out for her.
But there was no ball this time.
We continued to walk to the other side of the pool to stand next to her.
Finally we saw the problem.
A rather large grasshopper had hopped into the pool.
He was alive and still. [Probably frozen by fear from the dog barking 2 inches from him.]
My mom walked around the pool to retrieve the pool net, all the while, Ava showed her where it was.
Then she lead the way back to the grasshopper and watched as mom fished it out of the pool.
She maintained her stare as it was dumped into the bushes.
Since Ava is notorious for eating bugs and being relentless in trying to get something, I told her to leave it alone.
But there was no more urgency in her.
She was fine to walk away at that point.
She walked into the house to return to her ball play or Brinkley play.
At that point, we knew she didnt want us to get it out for a midday snack.
No, she purely wanted that little guy to be saved.
It was surprising, but to her it was all in a days work.
My mom wondered if she would do the same thing if a child fell in the pool.
I think she would.
Add to her character traits:
Nanny
Hero
Hero
Lifeguard
911 Dispatcher
Lassie
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Sisters Go Home
I realized I mentioned something in my last blog that - if youre a religious follower but dont actually know me (is there such a thing??) youre probably surprised at. And thinking "well Id like to hear more about that!" Yes, My sister and I went to Italy in March! And since shes slightly slacking with putting up the thousands of pictures we took and I finally figured out how to transfer pictures from my phone onto my computer, I will reveal to you the shining moments of our week-long, whirlwind of a trip to our homeland! Again, I dont have nearly as many pictures of our trip, so my telling will be much more brief than hers. Besides, shes good at telling stories.
We left on a red eye to Atlanta Friday night (March 22) and arrived eeeeearly Saturday morning. We were forced to leave the gate area of the airport during out 10hr layover, but were restricted to the airport as it was raining and we each had three bags of luggage.
We then arrived in Rome Sunday morning, hopped on a bus to the train station, hopped on a train to Venice, hopped on the vaporetto toward our B&B, and walked the rest of the way.
We spent the afternoon and next morning trying to sightsee and shop, despite the 7 degree weather... in Celsius.
We LOVED our B&B. Seriously, the cutest room with the cutest juliet balcony over a little canal. And we got to lounge in bed with our first Italian style breakfast! And the best cafe lattes we had all trip! This was also where we were introduced to Nutella. (That will be mentioned again... count on it!) We couldnt feel our fingers or toes but we fell in love with Venice.
Monday afternoon, we walked to the vaporetto, hopped on the vaporetto, hopped on a train to Florence, and took a taxi to our next B&B. Our room was delightful! We shared a private garden area with 2 other rooms, but we were the only ones who used it [to get wifi]. Our room was the best, we have no doubt! We hunted for a restaurant, while trying to sight see.
Tuesday morning we discovered the best cafe! We sipped our cafe lattes and enjoyed our breakfast pastries - mine a Nutella croissant and Jordanna something equally delicious. Then we went on a food tour, learning about their coffee customs (which is not as luxurious as we have here in the US), wine and food pairings, gelato, and other delicacies like white truffle. Then we did more sight seeing with some shopping. We also saw the infamous David, by Michaelangelo. Dont worry - we censored ourselves.
THAT NIGHT. We walked to a restaurant Jordanna had been dying to try (credit to her friends who had visited). It was a good 20-25minute walk, but it was well worth it. I had decided not to order anything and Jordanna ordered her pear and cheese pasta she HAD to try. I took one bite and ordered my own. We split the one she had and she ordered another one as well. BEST DINNER. Literally, one of the best meals of my life. I didnt pause to take a picture... Jordanna did though! =)
The next day, we embarked on our huge climb to the famous Pizzalle Michaelangelo. The famous lookout point over Venice. We had quite the workout! But the view was worth it! We didnt have to buy any postcards because we got the exact picture!
We then had to hurry to make to to our cooking class. We tasted the best pesto and the most incredible tomato herb spread. Then headed to the cooking school to make homemade pasta, tiramisu, and the sauces that accompany the pasta. That is a story in itself... For a whole other blog. Long story short, we were originally not liked by the chef because of our tardiness. By the end, we were the favorites.
For the rest of the day, we shopped (with Jordanna purchasing a new luggage addition to contain some our new purchases), did a little more sightseeing, grabbed some dinner, and prepared ourselves to say goodbye to Florence.
Early Thursday morning, we hopped in a taxi, hopped on a train/switched trains to Cinque Terre, hopped in a taxi to our hotel (when we nearly lost our lives), and got lost in the two streets trying to find our hotel. Cinque Terre is a small beach town. We had it all set up to go snorkeling with gear provided by our hotel! I was so excited. But we prepared ourselves for a snorkel fail with the cold weather we experienced all trip. It was gloomy, grey, and raining. All. Afternoon.
We walked around to the shops, trying to find a little cafe to eat in (we had been spoiled in Florence), but it was as though the town was shut down for the rain. They also had a landslide the day before so part of the town was inaccessible. We walked around in the wind, rain slapping us in the face, attempting to capture the once-in-a-lifetime moments with our cameras. After shopping in a little shop, we headed back to the hotel and had a plateful of pasta, complementary with our room. We decided to lay low in our hotel the rest of the night, reconfiguring our over-packed suitcases and listening to the rain hit the cobblestone streets.
Early the next morning, we caught our early taxi and headed back to the train station (with a much smoother driver). We hopped on a train/switched trains to Rome and hopped in a taxi to our hotel. One the way, we drove by the Colosseum (per our request) and jumped out for a quick picture. We were able to drop off our things at the hotel, were given a map of the city, and headed out to sightsee for the last afternoon of our time in Italy.
We took the metro to the Vatican. (Oh, and this was on Good Friday. Oh and the new pope had only been selected 1-2 weeks earlier.) The church in the Vatican was closed. Huge parts were under renovation. But it was amazing, what we were able to see! We were pulled into a store on the way back to the metro, where I got a cute dress and Jordanna purchased the leather jacket she had been searching for.
Once back to our hotel area, we journeyed to the Pantheon and several other well known places for photo ops. Our feet were killin, but we covered a lot of ground! Finally we got some gelato and headed back to the hotel for a break before going to dinner. After a short break, we returned to the streets of Rome to see the Trevi Fountain and find a great spot for dinner. We spent our dinnertime reflecting on the trip - things we loved, things we wished we could do/eat again, things we were surprised by, things we were happy we did. We walked our final Italy walk back to the hotel and spent most of the night repacking our suitcases to fit everything.
We had a 4am date with a taxi driver to head to the airport, which ended up being a Mercedes with a suited driver. We finally got through checkin and security and boarded our plane to Paris. Upon arriving to Paris, we flew through customs and the gate area to find our ginormous plane to LAX. Though we had a 11-12hour flight to get through, we loved our flight experience. We were delayed getting back to San Diego, but finally took off on our puddle jumper and landed in San Diego Easter Eve.
We had the best time. We learned so so much. About each other, about Italy, about traveling [in a foreign country]. I love time spent with my sister. I love getting to experience things with her. It had been a while since we had spent that much time together, but [I think] we both enjoyed every bit of it. (Minus hiking up to the lookout point, maybe.) It was definitely a whirlwind of a trip, but we had a week to go to Italy. It was now or never. We fit in as much as we could. If we didnt do it the way we did, we wouldve been kicking ourselves. Heres to Italia 2013!
We left on a red eye to Atlanta Friday night (March 22) and arrived eeeeearly Saturday morning. We were forced to leave the gate area of the airport during out 10hr layover, but were restricted to the airport as it was raining and we each had three bags of luggage.
We then arrived in Rome Sunday morning, hopped on a bus to the train station, hopped on a train to Venice, hopped on the vaporetto toward our B&B, and walked the rest of the way.
We spent the afternoon and next morning trying to sightsee and shop, despite the 7 degree weather... in Celsius.
We LOVED our B&B. Seriously, the cutest room with the cutest juliet balcony over a little canal. And we got to lounge in bed with our first Italian style breakfast! And the best cafe lattes we had all trip! This was also where we were introduced to Nutella. (That will be mentioned again... count on it!) We couldnt feel our fingers or toes but we fell in love with Venice.
Monday afternoon, we walked to the vaporetto, hopped on the vaporetto, hopped on a train to Florence, and took a taxi to our next B&B. Our room was delightful! We shared a private garden area with 2 other rooms, but we were the only ones who used it [to get wifi]. Our room was the best, we have no doubt! We hunted for a restaurant, while trying to sight see.
The next day, we embarked on our huge climb to the famous Pizzalle Michaelangelo. The famous lookout point over Venice. We had quite the workout! But the view was worth it! We didnt have to buy any postcards because we got the exact picture!
We then had to hurry to make to to our cooking class. We tasted the best pesto and the most incredible tomato herb spread. Then headed to the cooking school to make homemade pasta, tiramisu, and the sauces that accompany the pasta. That is a story in itself... For a whole other blog. Long story short, we were originally not liked by the chef because of our tardiness. By the end, we were the favorites.
For the rest of the day, we shopped (with Jordanna purchasing a new luggage addition to contain some our new purchases), did a little more sightseeing, grabbed some dinner, and prepared ourselves to say goodbye to Florence.
Early Thursday morning, we hopped in a taxi, hopped on a train/switched trains to Cinque Terre, hopped in a taxi to our hotel (when we nearly lost our lives), and got lost in the two streets trying to find our hotel. Cinque Terre is a small beach town. We had it all set up to go snorkeling with gear provided by our hotel! I was so excited. But we prepared ourselves for a snorkel fail with the cold weather we experienced all trip. It was gloomy, grey, and raining. All. Afternoon.
 |
| Outside the train station in Cinque Terre |
We walked around to the shops, trying to find a little cafe to eat in (we had been spoiled in Florence), but it was as though the town was shut down for the rain. They also had a landslide the day before so part of the town was inaccessible. We walked around in the wind, rain slapping us in the face, attempting to capture the once-in-a-lifetime moments with our cameras. After shopping in a little shop, we headed back to the hotel and had a plateful of pasta, complementary with our room. We decided to lay low in our hotel the rest of the night, reconfiguring our over-packed suitcases and listening to the rain hit the cobblestone streets.
Early the next morning, we caught our early taxi and headed back to the train station (with a much smoother driver). We hopped on a train/switched trains to Rome and hopped in a taxi to our hotel. One the way, we drove by the Colosseum (per our request) and jumped out for a quick picture. We were able to drop off our things at the hotel, were given a map of the city, and headed out to sightsee for the last afternoon of our time in Italy.
We took the metro to the Vatican. (Oh, and this was on Good Friday. Oh and the new pope had only been selected 1-2 weeks earlier.) The church in the Vatican was closed. Huge parts were under renovation. But it was amazing, what we were able to see! We were pulled into a store on the way back to the metro, where I got a cute dress and Jordanna purchased the leather jacket she had been searching for.
Once back to our hotel area, we journeyed to the Pantheon and several other well known places for photo ops. Our feet were killin, but we covered a lot of ground! Finally we got some gelato and headed back to the hotel for a break before going to dinner. After a short break, we returned to the streets of Rome to see the Trevi Fountain and find a great spot for dinner. We spent our dinnertime reflecting on the trip - things we loved, things we wished we could do/eat again, things we were surprised by, things we were happy we did. We walked our final Italy walk back to the hotel and spent most of the night repacking our suitcases to fit everything.
We had a 4am date with a taxi driver to head to the airport, which ended up being a Mercedes with a suited driver. We finally got through checkin and security and boarded our plane to Paris. Upon arriving to Paris, we flew through customs and the gate area to find our ginormous plane to LAX. Though we had a 11-12hour flight to get through, we loved our flight experience. We were delayed getting back to San Diego, but finally took off on our puddle jumper and landed in San Diego Easter Eve.
We had the best time. We learned so so much. About each other, about Italy, about traveling [in a foreign country]. I love time spent with my sister. I love getting to experience things with her. It had been a while since we had spent that much time together, but [I think] we both enjoyed every bit of it. (Minus hiking up to the lookout point, maybe.) It was definitely a whirlwind of a trip, but we had a week to go to Italy. It was now or never. We fit in as much as we could. If we didnt do it the way we did, we wouldve been kicking ourselves. Heres to Italia 2013!
 |
Venice!
From the top of the bell tower...
we braved the immense cold for a fantastic photo op!
 |
Florence
crossing the river
after our AMAZING dinner
|
 |
| Chefs in the making |
Thank you sister! Youre the best sister/travel buddy/trip coordinator/"interpretor"!
To Burger or Not to Burger...
Well its way past due for that time again. The time to entertain my audience with a funny story, Carly insights, an all-about-Ava post, or really at this point - MONTHS after my last post - ANYTHING for my readers to read. I guess you could say Ive been trying to build the suspense. But really, I dont have great stories to tell. My life revolves around my canine child and I know people get tired of hearing all about her. So I took myself away from the blog world to regroup and re-examine.
Again, I really just havent had any brilliant things to share. But its me. I mean, I do always have something to say. Whether it be on the weather, on driving around, errands, etc.. My reputation of having an opinion succeeds me. [Is that the proper terminology?]
Anywhoo. I figured Id share about a consistent struggle in my life. Something Ive always had looming over my head and always had to face, but really tried to ignore. And recently, I had a slight epiphany. Well, maybe epiphany is a little too bold of a word. I had a realization. And I thought some people would understand and join in my realization with me. The past several weeks, to months, to really years, I have had the desire to lose weight. Ive never been small. And when a lot of people say that, they really were years ago, but they forgot those days. No. I mean, Ive never been a small person. I was a crazy child who always had energy. I played sports, though I was never the fastest runner or the fastest swimming. I feel I have extra floatation devices holding me back. But I was tough in my sports. I played positions that I didnt need to be fast because I could use my strength. Even in that though, I would be exercising for hours a day and depressingly, never lost a pound. Apparently I was building muscle. I swear - you cant do one without the other. I would give up. Sure I was getting stronger, but I wasnt seeing the results I wanted to see. And that is not encouraging.
So the past several years, while I was in college, I was a Kinesiology major. I was nearly the only person in my department who didnt like to run. And pretty much really didnt like working out. I need incentive. I need something fun, where it feels like Im not working out. And most importantly, I need to see the pounds falling on the floor. If it doesnt have those things, count me out or count me done after a try. The nice thing was in college, I would actually lose weight because I wasnt eating good home cooked food. I was also doing more and had a higher level of stress, which took a toll on my eating. But all in the meanwhile, we would talk about exercising and eating right in my classes and all I could do was look around at all the triathalon looking bodies and think "you people dont understand." In one class, I was even used as an example because I was the only person who admitted to hate running. Luckily, I wasnt scrutinized - it was used as "what other activities could we suggest that would make her enjoy working out?" And that was my Kinesiology class life.
Upon graduating and returning home, I have indulged in my moms cooking, along with the ability to have thin mints or extra snacks that I wouldnt usually find in my apartment at school. Yes, those pounds I may have lost at school have crept up on me with a vengence for not doing it properly. Dont get me wrong. Ive dieted. Ive have "lifestyle changes." And they worked temporarily. And slowly. Have you ever watched a snail move? Well, I wish I was losing weight that fast. But then I get to a point where its not happening fast enough. Its too much work. Its exhausting. Its hard. Excuses? Im the queen when it comes to this stuff. My sister and I started going back to the gym, eager to get bikini bodies by the time we went to Italy. We would look at all the skinny people at the gym and think "go home, youre done here!" Well. We went a total of maybe five times from January to our trip in March. Obviously, we didnt have bikini ready bodies, as much as we were excited talking about it and determined to see our vision through. I will add that Italy was cold and rainy. We had rain coats on the whole time! So fortunately, our not-so-bikini bodies did not need to be modeled.
So here I am, almost two months after our Italy trip, still wanting to lose weight. Still wanting to be a runner because I know Ava would absolutely love that. Where was I going with all this?? A realization... Oh right!
I have a lot of friends who post pictures of their breakfast/lunch/dinner choices on facebook or instagram (yes! I have an instagram now!) and have elated captions with the food. Mind you, its a shake. Not a cookies n cream shake, but a honey, sea grass, flaxseed, cranberry shake. And the captions usually say something to this effect: "The perfect way to start a day! Yum!" or "I dont know what Id do without my dirt smoothie!" It takes every fiber in my being to not comment and say "Well my pancakes and sausage would beg to differ!" Because really, if I started my day out like that (and I have recently), its not a good way to start my day. And I see those posts and have these thoughts every time. And suddenly it hit me.
These people arent crazy! Theyre using reverse psychology! On themselves! Let me explain. If you are going to eat that healthy poop, then you HAVE to convince yourself its delicious too. Its completely mental. I felt a little better. Knowing oh, they want to dump that and grab an egg mcmuffin too! Theyre just pretending its good! I think its mean that the best food is actually the worse food for you.
And with that realization came more thought. I want to lose weight. Seriously. And I probably need to. But I know I will never be tiny. I am big boned - its totally a thing. But I could look healthier. I could be toned and more defined. Im muscular, so I will never be incredibly lean. But I cant eat food that I dont like. If Im going to take it in, it needs to be good. Good tasting. Otherwise Id rather not eat. Thats where the portion thing comes in. Paula Deen lost all her weight through portion control, not by taking real butter out of her dishes. And she doesnt indulge in nearly as many sweets and rich things as she used to. Well. Props to her. I have a self disciplined problem. Hence why I havent gone to the gym this week and dont opt away from the thin mints. My grandma doesnt eat chocolate. Her reasons were not weight, but she hasnt touched chocolate in years! Props!
So in my quest to lose weight, I have to focus on fun exercise. Ive realized. I refuse to give up the things I love for the rest of my life. I love food. I love cooking. I love tasting. Food makes me happy. Maybe only for a bit, but I actually rarely have times where I think "I wish I didnt eat that." If Im stuffed, I think "Was it delicious? Yes. Then it was worth it." I dont have the self disciple to give up burgers for the rest of my life. Or meat. Or chocolate because there are times where I want a smore. If you are ok with giving up that food, then props to you. I hope you enjoy your days and find other things that fulfill that happiness.
And so, I have decided, for now, and for always, I will have food. Because in reality, everyone wishes they could have the delicious real stuff that they may push aside.
Again, I really just havent had any brilliant things to share. But its me. I mean, I do always have something to say. Whether it be on the weather, on driving around, errands, etc.. My reputation of having an opinion succeeds me. [Is that the proper terminology?]
Anywhoo. I figured Id share about a consistent struggle in my life. Something Ive always had looming over my head and always had to face, but really tried to ignore. And recently, I had a slight epiphany. Well, maybe epiphany is a little too bold of a word. I had a realization. And I thought some people would understand and join in my realization with me. The past several weeks, to months, to really years, I have had the desire to lose weight. Ive never been small. And when a lot of people say that, they really were years ago, but they forgot those days. No. I mean, Ive never been a small person. I was a crazy child who always had energy. I played sports, though I was never the fastest runner or the fastest swimming. I feel I have extra floatation devices holding me back. But I was tough in my sports. I played positions that I didnt need to be fast because I could use my strength. Even in that though, I would be exercising for hours a day and depressingly, never lost a pound. Apparently I was building muscle. I swear - you cant do one without the other. I would give up. Sure I was getting stronger, but I wasnt seeing the results I wanted to see. And that is not encouraging.
So the past several years, while I was in college, I was a Kinesiology major. I was nearly the only person in my department who didnt like to run. And pretty much really didnt like working out. I need incentive. I need something fun, where it feels like Im not working out. And most importantly, I need to see the pounds falling on the floor. If it doesnt have those things, count me out or count me done after a try. The nice thing was in college, I would actually lose weight because I wasnt eating good home cooked food. I was also doing more and had a higher level of stress, which took a toll on my eating. But all in the meanwhile, we would talk about exercising and eating right in my classes and all I could do was look around at all the triathalon looking bodies and think "you people dont understand." In one class, I was even used as an example because I was the only person who admitted to hate running. Luckily, I wasnt scrutinized - it was used as "what other activities could we suggest that would make her enjoy working out?" And that was my Kinesiology class life.
Upon graduating and returning home, I have indulged in my moms cooking, along with the ability to have thin mints or extra snacks that I wouldnt usually find in my apartment at school. Yes, those pounds I may have lost at school have crept up on me with a vengence for not doing it properly. Dont get me wrong. Ive dieted. Ive have "lifestyle changes." And they worked temporarily. And slowly. Have you ever watched a snail move? Well, I wish I was losing weight that fast. But then I get to a point where its not happening fast enough. Its too much work. Its exhausting. Its hard. Excuses? Im the queen when it comes to this stuff. My sister and I started going back to the gym, eager to get bikini bodies by the time we went to Italy. We would look at all the skinny people at the gym and think "go home, youre done here!" Well. We went a total of maybe five times from January to our trip in March. Obviously, we didnt have bikini ready bodies, as much as we were excited talking about it and determined to see our vision through. I will add that Italy was cold and rainy. We had rain coats on the whole time! So fortunately, our not-so-bikini bodies did not need to be modeled.
So here I am, almost two months after our Italy trip, still wanting to lose weight. Still wanting to be a runner because I know Ava would absolutely love that. Where was I going with all this?? A realization... Oh right!
I have a lot of friends who post pictures of their breakfast/lunch/dinner choices on facebook or instagram (yes! I have an instagram now!) and have elated captions with the food. Mind you, its a shake. Not a cookies n cream shake, but a honey, sea grass, flaxseed, cranberry shake. And the captions usually say something to this effect: "The perfect way to start a day! Yum!" or "I dont know what Id do without my dirt smoothie!" It takes every fiber in my being to not comment and say "Well my pancakes and sausage would beg to differ!" Because really, if I started my day out like that (and I have recently), its not a good way to start my day. And I see those posts and have these thoughts every time. And suddenly it hit me.
These people arent crazy! Theyre using reverse psychology! On themselves! Let me explain. If you are going to eat that healthy poop, then you HAVE to convince yourself its delicious too. Its completely mental. I felt a little better. Knowing oh, they want to dump that and grab an egg mcmuffin too! Theyre just pretending its good! I think its mean that the best food is actually the worse food for you.
And with that realization came more thought. I want to lose weight. Seriously. And I probably need to. But I know I will never be tiny. I am big boned - its totally a thing. But I could look healthier. I could be toned and more defined. Im muscular, so I will never be incredibly lean. But I cant eat food that I dont like. If Im going to take it in, it needs to be good. Good tasting. Otherwise Id rather not eat. Thats where the portion thing comes in. Paula Deen lost all her weight through portion control, not by taking real butter out of her dishes. And she doesnt indulge in nearly as many sweets and rich things as she used to. Well. Props to her. I have a self disciplined problem. Hence why I havent gone to the gym this week and dont opt away from the thin mints. My grandma doesnt eat chocolate. Her reasons were not weight, but she hasnt touched chocolate in years! Props!
So in my quest to lose weight, I have to focus on fun exercise. Ive realized. I refuse to give up the things I love for the rest of my life. I love food. I love cooking. I love tasting. Food makes me happy. Maybe only for a bit, but I actually rarely have times where I think "I wish I didnt eat that." If Im stuffed, I think "Was it delicious? Yes. Then it was worth it." I dont have the self disciple to give up burgers for the rest of my life. Or meat. Or chocolate because there are times where I want a smore. If you are ok with giving up that food, then props to you. I hope you enjoy your days and find other things that fulfill that happiness.
And so, I have decided, for now, and for always, I will have food. Because in reality, everyone wishes they could have the delicious real stuff that they may push aside.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)