Decisions, Decisions

If you are just beginning to follow me on my adventure through life, I would advise you go back a few blogs to learn about my control issues before reading this update. It would give you some understanding as to why this time is so difficult for me. Well today I felt I made a decision. It wasnt a decision that was made out of irrational behavior nor discontent with my surroundings. It was a decision that has been sitting on my brain for a while now. I shoved it to the end of my thoughts, prioritizing with what was most important and needed to be dealt with immediately. School definitely takes the front seat in the priority bus... actually... it drives the bus. Thats right. Thats how controlled and driven I am by school.
Well. My decision hit me while I was sitting in my 8 am Exercise Phys class, running on less that 4 hours of sleep. (Though sleep did not play a roll in my decision, I felt it necessary to place your feet completely in my shoes.) As I sat in class, I was handed 3 labs to complete in the next 2 weeks, containing such activities as running a mile as fast as I can. I dont think the question is how fast can I run the mile - rather than can I run the mile without stopping. Not only did this shut me off to Kinesiology, but it scared the living daylights out of me. It isnt a "I think I can" deal, its a literally not possible-not gonna happen deal for me. Anyways. We also had to walk a full mile. Im sure it isnt as difficult for my spunky, 20-something professor who is so sweet, but is running on a lot of endorphins from exercise (if you dont know what I mean, Legally Blonde states it perfectly = "Exercise produces endorphins. Endorphins make you happy!"). I sat through class wanting so bad to walk up to her, give her my lab, and walk out to never return. I had made my decision that I was switching majors.
Thats right. Shocked? The fact that I actually contemplated it shocked me too. I walked back to my apartment, prepared to look in another direction. I took a shower, got ready for my day, and searched around in the University Catalog for options best fitting to the grad school idea - which would lead me to my dream job. I talked to one of my Biology professors, my favorite professor at CBU. He was encouraging, realistic, yet very helpful. I appreciated him taking 40 minutes to discuss my options and my interests and what could work or how to get there. I talked with my roommate, my best friend, about it over lunch. While I was telling her my fears and confusion - afraid to close doors that would be difficult to reopen, confused as to what I should do and what Im actually called to do in life, she tried to comfort me. She pointed out I may be looking in the wrong place, in the wrong direction. Maybe I have a huge house to fit my thousands of dogs. But thats all Ive ever thought about - all Ive ever dreamed about. If I dont have that to rely on, what do I have? My dreams for my career have been a constant for years. They have been something I can depend on. Even though I dont know who Im going to marry, when Im going to get married, where Ill go to school, how many times Ill have to apply to school, etc. etc. - I always knew I would be a vet. That was the most comforting thing. I knew something about my life. And it blew up in my face.
As I sat and listened to her, a verse popped in my head. Particularly because its hanging on my wall and it so applicable to what I should do every day in my life.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:6

I smiled to myself, and felt a little comforted. I was still absolutely freaking out, but it told me, if I give everything I have to the Lord, and pursue after Him like no other, He will show me what He wants for me. He will always care for me, but He will show me in due time... as long as I look to Him for direction.

I finally talked to my mom later in the evening. I expected her to be 100% on board, as she typically is (especially when it comes to this school stuff). Which dont get me wrong, she was incredibly supportive and encouraging. But she wanted me to be sure of what I was deciding on. She told me if switching was what I really wanted to do, I should do it... but theres no reason to do it now. She finally persuaded me that it was ok to be unsure at times. And shes right. I do have time. I dont have a lot of time, but it isnt a decision that needs to be made by tomorrow. Whew! Can you breathe a sigh of relief too? Im sure your heart is pounding just as rapidly as mine.
So, false alarm. Im still a Kines major. Theres a lot of thought and a lot of research to do. I dont know if Ill be a Kines major by the end of the summer, but for now it is what it is and I need to focus on it. I guess this blog didnt really have a point. It was an update. But also advice. To not only you, but a reminder for me as well. Choices are made daily. We make a choice to eat a cookie (Ive had several in the past few hours). We make a decision to avoid homework and watch a movie (dont worry, thats not a reality for me). Choices choices. All around us. Some are larger than others. But in the end, its going to work out. Im definitely saying this to remind myself, at this point. But even if an original plan doesnt work out, its back to the drawing board. Im sure my planner has more than one plan for me... After all: God loves me. And my mom has a wonderful plan for my life. And Im expecting she has many to choose from if one doesnt pan out as hoped. =)

Midday Treat

Last week, during my fabulous spring break, I decided to make cupcakes. Funfetti cupcakes with strawberry frosting. It doesnt get much better than that, if I do say so myself. However, I had a hidden agenda for the delicious cupcakes.
You see, Steve has been getting picked on at work. Even though hes fairly high up in the ranking, hes a nice guy... I think you understand. So I was making cupcakes to take to work, hoping he would become the cool kid. (He hasnt really been getting picked on... it all started several months ago with a story from Padres about a new guy who brought in cupcakes and milk to a bunch of men in the office - totally childish. And everyone in Steves office laughed it off. It is funny. But dont knock it til you try it.)
So I made the cupcakes, frosted them, ran to the store for some milk, and embarked to Annex Brands Inc. to deliver the treat. I walked in, identified myself, and was led to Steves office, which I had never seen. A woman was standing in the doorway, but she was no wall, so I entered the office (which by the way had TWO computer screens sitting side by side on his desk - I thought that only happened in the movies) and said "You forgot your lunch this morning!" He looked at me with a puzzled look. Yes, this was the moment. The unveiling.
I took off the lid that was hiding the cupcakes. He started laughing. We gathered quite the crowd as I explained to him that maybe NOW people would look at him at the "cool kid." I brought the milk out of the bag and opened up some paper cups. He laughed harder. Well, we may have been laughing because it was hilarious to us, but those three, four, women to had gathered at the door didnt care why they were there - they wanted a cupcake. We then proceeded to round the office, dispersing the remaining cupcakes.
These are adults people. Yes. They may have been laughing a while ago, but that day, when they had cupcakes in their hands, nobody was laughing. And needless to say, I think Steve is now the cool kid of the office. He wont get picked on anymore - hopefully not at least. He is the Vice President, after all.
I left the office and laughed almost the whole way home. I kinda figured people would want a cupcake, but I didnt expect everyone to get so excited! So tip to you all, you want to be liked in your workplace? Make some cupcakes. No matter how old people are, or what diet theyre on, they wont dare turn down a cupcake.
I was thinking of going to my moms work to take a few.... then I thought, I should make something that isnt so sweet. It might be bad if they were passing cupcakes around a dental office - even though we all know dentists eat chocolate too! So. I gotta rethink my midday treat for her.... and I have to decide which office to take it to... But no matter where I am - I know people will get excited! And maybe then Mom will be the cool kid in her office too!

Impulse Buying

Today was my first official full day of break at home. Yesterday was filled with packing and driving.... it was a little stressful of a trip - the longest ever. Acknowledgments to drivers on the road who randomly like to break, box you in so you cant get over, and cut you off. Ahhhh. The joys of driving.....
I need to start off by saying how much of life is filled with temptations. And things you want but shouldnt get. Its hard to say no. Its wouldnt be a temptation if it was easy. I faced one of the greatest temptations today. Its not the first time I have had to exhibit self-control in this type of situation. And each time I overcome, I get frustrated with myself that I didnt cave. Its like a child who knows theres cookies in the cookie jar. They know they arent supposed to take one, but they want one. And truly, I dont think its not a bad thing. Its just disobedience. But its not like one cookie will kill the child. Besides. If that kid figured out how to climb up on the counter, open the jar, and grab out a cookie - then he deserves to eat it. Anyways. My point is today, I should be proud of myself. I said no when I wanted to say yes. And in the end, I know that a yes answer would be impossible, but nevertheless, Im still disappointed. Sometimes, my self-control astonishes me. And the times it chooses to take over, frustrates me.
The story.
Today was filled with church, Petco, and sushi. A mundane day you say? I disagree. When my parents and I received a call after church from my sister and brother-in-law, my whole day changed. I literally ran to my car and embarked on an adventure that would either quickly end or would be the beginning of a lot of other adventures. I pulled into the Petco parking lot, found a spot, jumped out of my car, and started running towards the puppies in front of the store. Then, I heard my name and saw my brother-in-law. As I rounded the corner, I saw what I was headed for. My sister, sitting on the ground, had a short-legged brindle dog in her lab, smiling. Actually, both the dog and my sister were smiling.
Ah. I love seeing people fall in love with animals. Not every human understands the joy an animal brings to your life. But when you have an animal, they are your best friend. They dont leave you. They dont judge you. They accept you. They love you. And even though my dog gets up and walks away from me when I try to give her kisses sometimes, I know that she loves when Im home. And even though she would never admit it, I know she loves when I kiss her. Dogs truly complete my life. Living in an apartment on campus that doesnt allow dogs has been incredibly difficult for me. I have never lived without a dog. Never. Its depressing to not have someone greet you when you walk in the door. I love coming home - having my dogs get so excited to see me, coming in my room in the morning to wake me up cuz they want to be with me, sitting with me and watching a movie. I love love love my dogs.
Expanding on this thought. I was reminded the other day of how important my buddy, who happens to be a stuffed animal, is to me. He has always been with me and has gotten me through a lot in my life. Hes a constant. Yes hes stuffed, but that doesnt matter. If you know me, you can understand my love for him. I feel this way about my stuffed animal, you cant imagine how I am with my dogs. Now - I have desperately been wanting a puppy. I dont know why - except who doesnt want a puppy (besides the lady who told me puppies are a pain today - I nearly took her head off with my comments.... and my hands). Maybe you could say my biological clock is ticking. I dont want children. I want a puppy. Or plural. Im not picky. I found the puppy I want. Actually, there was a family - 3 little ones. And because everyone knows you cant separate a family, I was entirely open to adopting all of them. Ill leave a picture of them, so you can understand my difficulty in leaving them.
Well. In the end, I have a nephog. A nephew dog. Hes very cute. Very sweet. Jordannas blog shares much much more on this excitement, and Ill leave it to her to fire those details off - since it is her family. But as the aunt, I cant wait to have my two little ones together. I cant wait to be the aunt I try to be to Emma, to this little guy. These experiences always make me think...
I really really want a puppy. I cannot emphasize enough how much I want a puppy. I love my sweet Casey to pieces. And I love Sammy boy too. But I cant take them away from their home. They are getting older. I would never ever try to replace them. I just need a dog in my life. Its that simple. But I was so sad while I stood there, dreaming about the life I could give these puppies... if I could have them. If it were my choice, I wouldve adopted all of the dogs that were there - with the exception of Jordanna and John's new addition. I dont know why I want to be a vet. Im going to be overthrown in my human abilities. Dogs will take me over. Every week, I will go home with another dog. I just know it. I know myself. Im setting myself up for doom. But a happy life!
I got so excited for the future. When I have to live on my own, Im getting a puppy. Maybe 2. They need a buddy for when I cant be there. I know Ill get dogs because I need a dog. Its not a want. I realized that long ago. And when my self-control took over my impulse today, I told it 'you will not control me forever!' Basically, I was arguing with myself the entire way home.
I feel like everyone needs to have times when they allow their impulse to take over - as long as its not an impulse to kill someone or hurt someone.... I think you understand my idea. Want a piece of cake? Eat one. Want a new outfit? Buy one. Splurge. Want a puppy? NEED a puppy? Well. My time will come.....

Relief and Stress - Together???

Sitting out on my balcony this lovely Thursday afternoon, I can breathe a sigh of relief. Im just about halfway done with my semester. I expected this week to be a bit of a calm in the storm that has been my academic semester so far. No such luck. Im beginning to lose hope that I will have a relaxing week, where I maybe spend 1 or 2 hours on homework each afternoon, rather than 7 or 10. So, I embark on more homework and pray that summer comes fairly soon. I had planned for this semester to be jam packed of school work, and I got myself prepared to throw everything I have into finishing strong (like I did last semester). Im not losing that dream. I want to finish strong - which is why I throw everything I have into my books. How many people can say my Vertebrate Physiology book is one of my best friends? I can. I believe I have entered Loner Land. Im basically constituted as a book worm. Id rather be a worm than a rat though... although, I have 2 labs - making me a bit of a lab rat... great.
Well. This week: I completed a two-part test. A very difficult lab report. A midterm. A massive chart for my midterm. It may not sound like a whole lot, but literally these things have been taking me hours each day to complete. And I know I need to go inside and pick up my book and keep reading. I know I need to answer a few questions for chemistry. I need to study for a chemistry quiz I have every Friday. I need to study for an exercise physiology quiz. And copy those notes. Nope. It never ends. And tomorrow will be a full day, as well. Hopefully, with fun aspects. I guess theres not a whole lot to write. I am just so done with school, homework, studying, CBU, Riverside, here here here. Im ready to be in my glorious bed in my wonderful home in El Cajon, watching a movie. Ive hit the "Im done" point. I hit it every year. Honestly, every year since I was young, I get to a point where Id just about rather be poor, living in a cave the rest of my life than to keep going to school and doing all it entails every day. Im not trying to complain. Im thankful. Just trying to keep reminding myself of how blessed I am.
Well. Last night I saw the clock turn 2. In the morning. I dont advise this. I can tell you right now - its not exciting - go to bed. I dont think Ill be doing that again... not that I was desiring to in the first place....
A little lesson Ill leave you with. This afternoon, while sitting on my balcony, I watched a soccer game. Always look ahead - look where youre going. A guy ran into the flag at the corner. He continued to chase after the ball as if it hadnt happened.... And Ive totally done that. But we can apply this to life. Basically, always look where youre going. You may not know where youre headed, but youll at least know when youre about to hit a tree or something, so you can dodge it. I feel like I need to do that a little more - cuz Ive been running into things a lot... Anyways. Sorry this was so random... Hope you got the lesson though! =)

A Disney Tribute

You would think I would write about Valentines Day... Or as every person without a significant other calls it: Single Awareness Day. And dont get me wrong, my day today was not bad at all! But the important day to mention of this weekend was yesterday.
Saturday, I embarked on a Disney adventure with my good friend, Jacob. I have been excited to go to Disneyland for weeks. And when we made plans to go last week, my excitement soared even higher. To begin my blog, I want to point out, that this weekend was a 3-day weekend - for SOME people. Presidents Day is tomorrow and, obviously, Valentines Day is today. (Not that I ever got school off for Valentines Day...) We realized we were crazy for going this Saturday as we got closer to a crowd infested Disneyland, but we figured it would all be part of the adventure.
We parked and headed to the park(s). (Haha!!) Starting our day at Disneyland, we first made our way to Space Mountain, after a pit stop at the bathroom. Coming out, I find Jacob surrounded by... tourists... at that point I definitely knew this was going to be an interesting day. Crowds. Tourists. Strollers. Children. Four of my all-time favorite things. I wont walk you through every little thing we did, cuz that would take a while (and Ive received complaints on my post lengths). But I wanted to share some interesting things I learned... and things that I feel even stronger about.
#1: I could never be a character at Disneyland. Too much smiling. Too much happy. Too many kids. To overwhelming. One dream... shot by reality.
#2: I took a "test" telling me what Disney character I am most like. You may think I am like Cinderella in my breath-taking beauty, Pocohontas in my free spirit and stubborn nature, or even Snow White in my inability to turn down a delicious apple... but my character will shock you. Or maybe it wont - if it doesnt, please keep it to yourself. I am most like.......... the wicked queen in Snow White.... I felt this also reinforced that I shouldnt be a princess (or any character) at Disneyland... (However, I did felt a little better knowing Jacob is most like the candlestick in Beauty and the Beast.)
#3: Little girls should not have Minnie ears with veils on them. Those are for brides. I dont think a 4 or 5 year old was just married. Parents - you are hurrying the growing up process, in case you didnt know... I feel like I should have gotten one of those - seeing as Jacob and I were unexpectedly married on the Monsters Inc ride, with a family of four to witness.
#4: I need a lot of practice in Toy Story and Buzz Lightyear... games where you shoot either random objects to hits things or lazers at targets. It was a true tragedy to be responsible for such low points at these games. And even when the ride stopped in the middle of Buzz Lightyear and I had a target to constantly shoot literally right next to me, I still lost in the end. Shame.
#5: I have always been a "free the leashed child" type of girl. I want to carry scissors, just to cut kids loose. When Jacob asked my opinion of these leashed children, I openly and honestly shared my feelings on it. He agreed. Another reason why we get along so well. At the end of the day, we were walking out of Disneyland following a couple with their child... who was on a leash. She was constantly running and was even pulled back several times by her father, who controlled her movements. Jacob, unbeknownst to them, took pictures. (Upon telling my parents this story, believing they would feel for the child, my mom shocked me with her comment of, "Thats probably why she was on the leash... she runs everywhere!")
#6: Rainforest Cafe is an awesome restaurant. And Disneyland is definitely one of the happiest places on earth. (My home is still number one on my list, though.)
I would be down to spend a day at Disneyland any day! I had a ton of fun! It was a well-needed break from homework, school, and Riverside. A huge thank you to my amazing friend for accompanying me in this Disneyland journey! And thank you for a delicious dinner!!! And thank you for letting me distract you from homework!
Everyone needs a little Disney in their life. Even the man who got kicked out of Knotts Berry Farm... for reasons I could not understand....

A Lesson of a Window

I have been urged to share this story with the world. Well, with my blog peeps, at least. Though it is a rather tragic story, it has a very important moral. Try to follow along and see if you can catch the lesson I learned.
Several Saturdays ago, I was preparing to go on an adventure with my roommate. The first thing to do when preparing for my day, most days, is to take a shower. Understand, I am not a hustle-body. I take my time. Also understand, I am not modest. I played waterpolo. I know I am not the most attractive Victoria Secret model out there, but I just dont really care, I suppose. So I showered, came out into the living room in my towel, and wondered what the weather would be like. As every girl knows, you have to know the weather when deciding what you will wear. Seeing me nearly naked is no new occurrence for my roommate, though I still receive a laugh because I am the first person she has met who does such a thing. To answer my question of weather, I decided to go outside on my balcony to feel the air. I have a balcony looking out onto the massive front lawn of my school. However, thinking I would be walking out to am empty field, I threw the blind back and prepared to take a step into the outside world.
I stopped, my hand on the lock. Well wouldnt you know it. A game of ultimate frisbee was occurring right outside my window. It would be my luck that this was happening. But I stopped myself before going outside. Now, being under the impression that those who are outside cannot see inside, I decided to stay and watch the game for a short bit. (I have been told you cannot see inside our apartment if you are standing on the field.) And so, I was comfortable in my towel, watching the game be played.
I needed to move on, though, and went to embark on the first steps of dressing: undergarments. I came back out of my room, poured myself a cup of coffee, and returned to my position in front of the sliding glass door to observe more of the game. Sipping my coffee, wearing minimal clothing, wide open blinds... just to give you a faint picture. I would go do something else to prepare myself for the day, then go back to the game. Several times.
My next dressing motions involved pulling some jeans on. I, then, blow-dried my hair. I picked up my cup of coffee and again returned to watching the game. Lets review. I have on a bra and jeans at this point. Moving on.
I finally chose which shirt would be covering my torso for the day and completed my dressing routine. I finished my coffee and prepped my toothbrush for some good, old-fashioned teeth cleaning. I went back to the window to watch the game while I brushed. Several hundred yards out on the field, I saw a friend walking towards me. Several hundred yards out. Thinking nothing of it, I continued to brush. I then noticed his hand lift up in the air and make a waving motion. At me. Another friend, walking near him, looked up to see who he was waving at. Saw me, and also waved. I smiled through my frothed mouth (not that they could see that), waved back, opened the door, and went out onto the balcony.
After several more seconds of brushing my teeth, something struck me.
Do you know the lesson yet?
I turned around and headed back inside, laughing. Calling to my roommate, I told her I was just waved at... while the door was closed. Her eyes widened. Yes. She got it quicker than I did. She laughed too. Then said, "Well we all know why theyll be back next Saturday!"
Talking to a friend via online later that evening, I told him the story. He responded with, "Well it sounds like you had quite the audience!" Upon telling my roommate that, she added, "Yep. And I bet theyre looking for an encore."
Well needless to say. Those people came back the following Saturday for another game. And the next. And the next. But its a scheduled game! Haha! You thought they were lining up didnt you?
Moral of the story: It doesnt matter if someone tells you they cant see inside your window. A window is not a door. A window is see through. People can see through it. If you are modest - dont be changin in front of a window. If youre like me... you have to learn that for yourself.

Little things....

The past few days have proved to be interesting ones....
For starters, the past few days, I have been... ill... But do not fret, I have recovered and am now functioning very well!!! I want you to know how amazing the human body is. If one thing is not functioning correctly, everything will get out of whack. Also, if you have a serious problem, it can cause some serious pain and throw off everything else. Whew. I have never been so thankful for the way the human body operates. God, very evidently, knew what he was doing when he created us.
For second, I have been in the process of applying to be a Resident Assistant. This has always appealed to me, and now I am finally doing it. Applications were due this week and this was the first week of activities (breaking the ice type stuff, not mention a good hearty, "let me analyze your behavior to see how you are as an individual and how youll be as an ra"). It was awesome. Truly, the activities ended up being fun! I enjoyed them and enjoyed the people I met. I made some new friends! Thats always a good thing right?!
For third, all week long, I have been barcaded in my apartment, studying for two tests on Friday. I have flashcards coming out of my eyes. By the grace of our incredible God, my Vertebrate Physiology test has been postponed to this coming Wednesday. Meaning, I will once again be a mole, buried in my books for the first part of this coming week. For my Chemistry test on Friday, several of us in my class met for a study group. Believe it or not, Im confused with what the difference is between a pi bond and a sigma bond. I dont know the molecular geometry of SF4. Needless to say, Ive been lost. But I think I began to get it a little. Hallelujah for a prodigy in the group. Though the test looked like nothing the practice test looked like, I feel like it could have gone worse. If you know me, you know that this is actually a great statement for me to make. Anyways. On to studying for the next test.
For fourth, a statement of pure ignorance has been made in my life. I feel so blessed by the people around me, that we understand each other in our frustration. Its amazing to see how people can come together to support each other when they need support and encouragement. I love love love every person in my life. God knew what He was doing when He placed me in these families, in these friendships, in this place... And ya know, its amazing to see how peoples true colors come out... Ignorance is bliss. Who in the heck said that??? Maybe its blissful for the ignorant one.. they dont even realize whats going on! However, its not blissful for the people around the ignorant one! The people who have to deal with the statements... now thats patience is a virtue... Those people deserve a standing ovation. *clap clap clap* If you are laughing, actually think about this for a second. The person who made the ignorance is bliss comment was obviously too ignorant to realize what that entailed. Thanks for trying to contribute to society though dude! Let me try! ....dang it! I gotta give that guy more props... its hard to think of something that doesnt make sense off the top of my head!
For fifth, I was able to hang out with some pretty amazing people. I went on two different shopping expeditions with a friend. A friend who is truly unique and beautiful. I love her so so much. (And shes making me a dress! Totally random, but I am way way more than excited!) I got to go "do homework" and have coffee with my roommate. I got a fabulous cup of coffee and had a wonderful conversation. I love my roommate. And I love that we understand each other.... And gotta love those awkward situations with random people where the whole "understanding each other" really comes out.... Hopefully, the girl who a random guy was yelling about on the phone isnt really possessed. Nevertheless, all of Coffee Depot knows there is a girl in trouble who needs 1. prayer 2. a Bible and 3. authorities to get involved. Thank you stranger, for informing us about your and others personal lives. I got the opportunity to reconnect with several different friends - which I always love doing.
For sixth, I got to sleep in today! Well, till 930. Darn daylight. Totally makes me want to have a house like the one in The Holiday, where the huge sun-blockers come down to make the room pitch black. Those are an amazing invention. I feel like I would sleep so much better and be happier in the morning when I have to wake up! I could decide to leave the sun out for a bit longer, or invite it in to help me prepare for my day. Ah fabulous. Then I got to relax for a while! Given I should have been doing homework, but I felt like I could take part of a day off.
Well. I believe that is all. I had a good week. And to you, it may seem rather uneventful and mundane, but to me, I need to be thankful for the little things. Those are what get me through the day. Each of the things listed above may have had a bummer incidence in it, but ended up ok. Or funny. Whatever. I could deal with the ending, basically. Well. It is time for bed. Bible study and bed. Haha! Its B&B time! Can I just point out, how fabulous is a bed? Who created these things? (Im not even a history buff, and yet I just want to know several origins for this note!) Anyways. Until next month! Or whenever I decide to write again!...