A Grateful Heart

"Today, I am so grateful that God knows my heart. Others may misunderstand my good intentions, judge my words or deeds, find fault, or blame what they truly do not understand. But God knows my heart. He knows I am learning, trying, endeavoring, to be all He created me to be." -Lori Nawyn


Recently, I have experienced a renewed gratefulness for my Savior.

Grateful that no matter what the circumstances are around me, He is always with me.

Grateful that He continues to provide blessing upon blessing upon blessing.

Grateful that I can always count on Him.

Grateful that He never leaves me.

Grateful that despite all the shortcomings of humans, He has none and is always constant.

Grateful that He protects me and shields my heart.

Grateful that He knows my heart.


Despite the hurt, evil, anger, confusion, bitterness, frustration of the world, He remains.

He never leaves. He never fails.

And I can't help but be so so grateful for that.

For when I am grateful, all the hurt, evil, anger, confusion, bitterness, frustrations seem to fade away.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you... Do not be afraid, for I am with you. - Isaiah 43:2&5

Let's [Not] Workout!

Every day for the past couple years, I have thought - at some point during the day - I should really work out... I really need to get active and get in shape and lose some weight. And when I say every day, I really do mean every day. So, yesterday was no different. I awoke in the morning, grateful I didn't have to go straight to work and was able to veg in the morning. I relaxed, watched tv, took my time waking my mind up. All the while thinking I'm going to do my Jillian Michaels dvd this morning! With my excited-can do attitude, I pounced off the couch!

This is what happened.

I grabbed the phone and dialed my sister.
"Whatcha doing?"
"Oh I'm trying to encourage myself to workout. What are you doing?"
And we talked for an hour or more.
We hung up, only because she was at her destination and meeting a friend. Otherwise I could've talked to her about each strand of my hair to avoid getting off phone.

I walked into the kitchen to fill a glass with water (in preparation for my workout).
I spied a container of chocolate chips cookies I had baked the day earlier (I really am the source of my own downfall).
Of course, I had to eat one! Which means two.
Then I found the perfect cookie. I set it right on top for me to eat at the end of my workout... I need a little incentive, right?!

I walked to my room to get the weights and put on more comfortable clothes.
Coming back into the family room, I realized I had forgotten the weights.
Go get the weights.
Grab my Bible while I'm at it.
It's ok, I can eat the cookie now. I'll have another one at the end.

Oh, lets do some quiet time! I mean, it is most important.
Read my Bible.
Lord, I'm spending time with you. I love you. Please make me skinny. This should be worth more than crunches!
That didn't work.
Another cookie.

At some point, I did end up doing a brief workout. But usually, I end up showering and once I'm clean, I can't get sweaty! Needless to say. I hate working out. It never gets easier. It never becomes likable. But it is needed, relatively. I was the only person in college like this, cuz I was surrounded with Kinesiology-workout people. But hopefully now, those around me understand more. At least my mom does. We've devoured those cookies.....

Faithful Promises

Today is October 23. Which means its day October 23 of Jesus Calling. Now. I'm not going to pretend I read every day of Jesus Calling. But every now and then I'm curious to see what the Lord is telling me. Truly, every time I open that little book I discover - yet another - reason why I love it. I don't open it enough. And I don't know why I don't go to that over other, for lack of a better term, non-inspiring resources. But that is not my focus today.

If you read Jesus Calling religiously, you know what today was about. If you don't, I will tell you. Or rather, I will type up what the day says.

"As you turn your attention to Me, feel the Light of My Presence shining upon you, Open your mind and heart to receive My heavenly smile of approval. Let My gold-tinged Love wash over you and soak into the depths of your being. As you are increasingly filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me: I in you, and you in Me. Your Joy-in-Me and My Joy-in-you become intertwined and inseparable. I suffuse your soul with Joy in My Presence; at My right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

Then it gives two verses to further dive into the meaning of the words and help you create an even more impacting and joyous image. John 17:20-23 and Psalm 16:11.

I wish so bad I was this person who, after reading this, just smiles and sits back, closes her eyes, and feels the joy of being in the Presence of the Lord. Sits in silence and peace, with a heart that just pours over with joy. But, I'm not. I never have been. Despite how hard I try. I think that is what my sister and my grandma do. And I am so jealous of them for that. They provide so much incite about what they are reading in the Word and they want to dive even more into it and share about it. Awesome right? My mom is insightful about what she reads, too, but I think she understands where I'm coming from (which is still not evident yet - I'm sure).

So as I sat back, I imagined the Lord sitting next to me, staring at me. Like a child who made his mom a mothers day card and was eagerly awaiting her response to viewing it. And I managed a smile, because it is a wonderful feeling and scene to picture - being one with my Creator. But I still didn't feel that overwhelming joy almost everyone on earth experiences... Or at least, those are the people who talk about their quiet times with the Lord. Always describing it as "rejuvenating, enlightening, fulfilling, joyous, captivating,..." you get the picture.

This is a big reason of why I don't openly discuss my quiet time. Who wants to hear that they read the Bible and it just wasn't quite what they needed or they are still not content? So I began to ponder a different way to approach my readings. And though my thought process started to drift from October 23 of Jesus Calling, it still relates. I also read Psalm 91 - which is still slightly in line with Jesus Calling. Promises to those who dwell in the shelter of the Lord.

And I began to realize something. The Bible is filled with promises. Nearly every time I open it and read, I find a promise. Not just any promise - God's Promises. My family taking promising very seriously. You can't go back on a promise. And you can never - NEVER - lie if you promise. But with all these promises in the Bible comes something that isn't guaranteed or offered anywhere else in the world. With God's promises comes fulfillment. He follows through on what He promises. Even when we can't feel it, even when we don't see it, He follows through.

So as I read through Psalm 91 as the Lord is promising that if we dwell with Him and use Him as our place of Refuge and safety, He will protect us. He will be with us in trouble times. He will send His angels to guard us. These are promises that we can trust and have faith in. Jesus Calling doesn't say "As you are immediately filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me." It says "As you are increasingly filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me." Just because I didn't feel joy instantly doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It means I need to seek Him more - increasingly being filled by Him. Then I will experience joy. 

I choose to feel reassurance and peace. Many feel such joy when talking with the Lord, I'm tired of not feeling it. And I do feel reassured and comforted knowing one thing is always constant. People constantly let us down. They break promises, they fail. We are human. We are not perfect. But only One makes promise after promise and will hold true to all of them. Maybe we don't see it or feel it today or tomorrow, but we know we can trust in Him. 

I don't know where I'm headed in life. I don't know if I will ever feel pure joy in my life. But I can feel comforted knowing that I have someone who promises me things and will always hold up His end of the bargain. 

It's my turn to hold up mine.

Pioneer Woman... In Training...

I have a bit of an obsession. Its been growing - it isnt NEW, but it has sprung within the last year. And its going to sound slightly stalkerish, but its truly not. It is a fascination with a person. Not a "typical" celebrity, but I guarantee you if I ever meet her, Im fairly positive I will be star struck. Some people have heard of her - if not on their own, then definitely by me.

Her name is Ree Drummond. She is better known as the Pioneer Woman. 

I found her on Food Network. Another obsession I have. [Obviously] she has a cooking show and makes all kinds of amazing things! Ever since the whole Paula Deen scandal (which - lets not even GO there) and Food Network cancelling all her shows (ya, she was once on half the day), its obvious theyre trying to find a new 'Paula Deen.' I feel they have been elevating the Barefoot Contessa. Wrongly so. I believe, Pioneer Woman should be the new face of Food Network, as Paula Deen once was. 

Anyway. PW lives on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, Oklahoma. A HUGE ranch. With her husband and kids. She cooks for her family while they manage the ranch. She takes them food, sets up picnics, has steaming hot meals ready at the end of the day... Plus all other mom/wife duties a mom/wife does. She calls herself an accidental country girl and is not ashamed to say she still hasnt gotten the hang of ranch-life. Yet she seems like a pro. 

And truly. I just want her life. I want to be her. She is just the perfect woman. I love the country, I am a country girl at heart. I love that life style. But since I cant actually be her, I just really really want to know her and be her friend. Let me tell you why. 

She is genuine - just so real.

She cooks incredible food! And isnt afraid to go a little heavy with the cream or butter. I love it. 

She is honest - whether it be on her show, confessing she licks the brownie bowl during commercial breaks, or on her blog when she tells stories about how she cannot dance. 

She is kind. 

She is welcoming - constantly having company over and hosting all types of functions. 

She is humble. She has the coolest life, but she never acts like she has it all. (Partly because she cant go down the street to grab a Starbucks.) 

She is funny! Shes a little corny, but thats part of why shes so captivating!

Shes adorable! She wears the cutest shirts and the cutest boots, always has her hair and makeup done. Always looking flawless. On a ranch. Im sure - its not an easy task.
Did I mention she is an amazing cook??
She loves her dogs and always has them be part of her show, blog, or cookbooks. [She also loves all the other animals on her ranch, but her Bassett Hound, Charlie, is always with her.]

You have to watch her show, or at least read her blog (a posting or two). Youll quickly learn why she is so great and youll fall in love with her too. You can find her website here:http://thepioneerwoman.com/

Itll entertain you for hours and make you super hungry. Youre welcome. =)

I can only pray I have little characteristics of Pioneer Woman... since I dont see a cowboy taking me to a life like hers anytime in my future...

Catch-up

Just to catch you up on dog adventures... and see how BIG Brinkley is, I figured Id give you a little something to hold you over until something totally exciting and worth reading happens in my life. =)

A couple weeks ago, Mom and I took Brinkley and Ava to the beach. It was only Brinkleys second time and Avas forth time (I think). Brinkley LOVES to socialize, but he hasnt figured out that hes allowed to play with other dogs besides Ava. Finally he got it and played with a little-medium-sized dog. All the while, Ava just wants to play fetch. The. Entire. Time.

And of course, they were soooo sleepy. Got baths right after we left the beach, so they felt good and clean. And were so ready for a nap. 

And, of course, theyre just the cutest little buddies ever. 

A Gamblers' Advice

Today I decided to check out a website I had seen a commercial for. Its a website where people get huge HUGE deals on EVERYTHING. From gift cards to Starbucks and Home Depot to iPads and Laptops. The thing that really caught my attention was a lady saying she purchased a KitchenAid standing mixer for $40! Now, I love to cook and have been dying for one of these awesome mixers for months, if not years. So I decided I need to figure out how I could be apart of something so amazing.

Before going too deep into what happened next, let me tell you something. If something seems too good to be true... It is. The only exceptions are Jesus and how unreal it is how much He loves us (yet He does) and Santa Claus. Those are pretty much the only exceptions to this common phrase. I, of course, always need to try things on my own. And I always want to believe things, so I give it at least one try. But let me tell you, if you hear of something being such a huge deal - theres something wrong. It really is too good to be true. Dont even do investigating. Because people know how to deceive and make you think its still good. Just avoid it. Dont do it. Its bad.

So back to my story. Which Im sure you have a general idea of how things went. But Ill tell you anyways. This needs to get out. Im contemplating making my own commercial about this site and exposing the TRUTH about it.

So I checked out the site. I wont even say the site at this point because I know youll be tempted to check it out. Ill post it at the end... after my warnings and you can make an education decision of what you want to do. I go to the site and theres all these amazing testimonials of what people have won and how much they spent on it. And it said "winners" rather than 'testimonials.' This shouldve been my first clue. But I ignored it and continued figuring out what it was. I immediately went to the place where all the things are available. Again, ignoring a bad indication when you have to click on "auctions" to see all the cool stuff they have available. And on each item available you click "BID NOW".

Let me tell you, there is some cool stuff available! Like I said, gift cards, iPads, iPhones, TVs, etc. Heres my other problem - Im slightly impulsive. I see something I like and I go for it. Theres no additional shopping around. I dont check other places for deals. I decide I want it and thats that. So right as Im about to sign on the dotted line and create an account for this sinful site, I found a tab that said "whats the catch?" Trying to be fiscally responsible, (I really still dont understand it all) I clicked on it and watched a short video that explained the game to me.

Heres how it works:
In order to win something, you have to bid on it and [obviously] be the highest bidder.
In order to bid on something, you have to have bids - this means you have to purchase bids which are normally $.60 a piece.
When you bid on something, you use your bids and youre technically spending $.60 every time you bid on something - win or not.
To create an account, you have to purchase bids at normal price and you have to buy a pack of 60. (Thats $36 for 60 bids.) But then youre in the game!
Bidding starts at $0.00 and everytime someone places a bid, it goes up by $.01. Amazing right??
So you have to wait for the timer to run down to 10 seconds, then its open for bidding. You can see how many people are participating in the auction by clicking on the item.
Heres the bigger catch, everytime someone bids on the item, the clock goes back to 10 seconds and starts counting down again. So the clock can say 10 seconds for 20 minutes - depending on how many people are bidding and how far theyre willing to go.
If you lose a bidding war, you can click "buy it now" and pay the full purchase price AND get all your bids back.
You can always choose to "buy it now" and pay the full purchase price - but that kinda defeats the purpose.

There are other little rules to play by, but these are the main instructions. This is how the game is played. Its what you need to know to start bidding. Are you thinking it seems amazing and you need to sign up?! Then youre like me. If youre thinking its a total scam and you need to run... youre way smarter than me.

So within half an hour of creating and account and buying my "starter kit" with 60 bids - Im down to 6 bids. And Ive obtained 7 free bids in the process. Therefore, I went from 67 to 6. In half. an. hour. Another tid bit about Carly - I can easily and quickly become addicted to something. Ive posted in the past about playing the stuffed animal claw game... well this is why I dont gamble and go to casinos. Ever. Because I know how easy it is to get the fever and spend a lot of money knowing that a win is just around the corner. And theres another $50.

I didnt end up winning anything. I was trying to win more bids and a Starbucks card. And I failed. And now Im down to 4 bids. =/ Yikes. Needless to say, I have checked the site several times to see how things are going and whats up for auction. I ended up bidding again... its how I got down to 4 bids.

I started this posting last night and am now finishing up. There is a new development though! I have received an email with tips on how to win auctions! One of which shows the times when there is less traffic on the site to increase your chances of winning! So Ill have to check that out! But I really need to get some more bids. Im debating against buying more bids though... since Ive basically thrown money away already.

And that is my story. So if you see a commercial for dealdash.com and youre tempted to go there... just remember that sin is tempting. And run. RUN. RUN FAR AWAY. Block it from your browser!!

Hopefully you dont have find yourself in the predicament Im in. WANTING MORE.

May the force be with you if you check it out...

The Trouble with Fear

As you may - or may not - know, I graduated from college a little over a year ago now. Gee. A year. Where in the world did the time go?? What have I been doing since then? Well, let me tell you. Not much.

I've continued to work at the same place since graduating, the same place I worked at during college when I would come home on summer break and often times during Christmas. I enrolled in and completed Physics this Spring, so I am one step closer to graduate school. Pretty much any graduate school. I've spent every free moment at home, with my Ava and our new Brinkley. Literally. Every free moment. Partly because I don't really have any friends around here. Mostly because I love home and I love my dog(s) even more.

But you get to a point where you think, what am I doing?? I mean, I need to choose/find a career. I need to become a full-fledged adult. I have a dog to support. And hopefully I'll have more to support one day. I've decided to not go in the direction I've been striving towards for the past 4+ years. I think I've written about that. And I'm ok with that decision. The problem now is where do I go? What do I do?

So I embarked on a new career venture toward Physical Therapy. I've been told I would make an excellent Physical Therapist... apparently I have the right personality. [This isn't necessarily a compliment...] I visited a private campus, an extension from a graduate school in Florida. It is based in San Diego (which is much more viable for me). It only has 2 programs. Yes you read correctly - 2. Occupational therapy and physical therapy. It is kinda perfect for me. It's a shorter program, though more intense. It's small so I don't have to walk all over the place to get to class. The only thing I'm concerned about is the internships you do. Where you're sent wherever they want to send you. Finding housing for 2 or more months is completely your responsibility. And you don't know where you will be sent. But even as my head told me that just isn't happening, my heart was consoled when I found out students take their dogs with them. And even more consoled when the proposal of my grandma coming along with me - and her totally liking the idea. So I proceeded to process.

What's standing in my way? Observation hours. Once I track down 80 observation hours, I'm good to go. I can apply no problem.

And even with knowing how close I am, I continue to look into my options. The first time I don't just go for something at the drop of a hat. Usually, when I shop, I grab the first thing I see. No need to further exploration. That's a fairly good description of me. And usually, I'm content with my choice. Except for these situations. Regarding my life. I'm more meticulous and indecisive. So I have come up with becoming a real estate agent. I can watch hgtv all day. I love home shows. I came up with a handful of reasons why I would make a great real estate agent. My favorite reasons - its so quick to get licensed and you create your own schedule, so you can be extremely flexible. However, I'm terrible at marketing myself. Literally I loathe talking about myself and putting myself out there the way you have to in real estate. I've also come up with becoming a chef. (Something that has always been in the option list.) Because I can watch food network all day long. And I love being creative with food.

I mean, the list goes on and on. And why am I still sitting, job searching and processing? Because I'm afraid. Do you know what the biggest trouble with fear is? It's paralyzing. It'll stop you in your tracks, steal your voice and confidence, and ruin a plan.

So in this place of feeling stuck and needing to move forward, the most influential feeling is fear. And it is stopping me from doing anything. Pathetic isn't it? The Bible says not to fear enough times to be said every day for a year. I know the Lord is in control. I just want a door to be opened. I know I'm probably reading it wrong and really, multiple doors are open, I just need to decide which one to walk through. And no matter which door I choose, the Lord is with me.

I just need to get over this and move forward. I know you're probably shocked to hear I'm afraid. I am the one who fears nothing! (Besides creepy crawlies.) But big decisions scare me. Paralyze me. Stops me in my tracks. Steals my voice and confidence. And ruins my plan. And what am I even afraid of?? Oh plenty. Failure. Not remembering what I've learned. Not liking it. Being put on the spot. Name it, I'm probably afraid of it.

But somehow, I'll get past this. 

And move forward into life. 

My grandma is depending on me for an adventure! 

Ava is depending on me for a sweet life! 

I need to grow up! 

.......

Yikes.