Convicting Love

Well this ends the fourth week of school for me. This week was pretty crazy - filled with studying, papers, busy-work assignments, more studying, tests, lab reports, errands, and if I havent mentioned studying, well, that too. Not to mention the regular feeling like Im doing the wrong thing with my life and struggling with whether my classes and my occupation are right for me. Ive been wanting to blog, but I dont have any stories really to share, I dont feel like pouring out my heart, and I dont have a lot of inspiration on a subject of what to write. I have realized a large portion of my posts being with an unloading of school... Hum. Thanks for bearing through that with me - time after time.

February. Wow January is already over. And January is a fairly long month, with the full 31 allotted days a month is able to have. And now weve moved on to February. February is probably my least favorite month. For the obvious reason.

Now Ive been thinking about a possibility of writing about February: the Love Month for a while now. Long behold, my sister actually wrote about it. For those of you who read my blog, you probably read my sisters. So you have probably seen her blog about February, where she lists several things she loves. I was planning to take quite the opposite road than her... which is not uncommon with us. Jordannas lease on life is refreshing. Honestly. Both my mom and I think the same - its another day full of working/school, then coming home to clean/do homework then go to bed. Then wake up and start all over. My sister has the same type of schedule - wake up, feed and walk her pups, go to work, come home from work, feed and walk the pups, dinner, bed. However, she looks at each day as if it is different from the one before. Take any situation involving a frustration and, sure, my sister will be frustrated, but she will find something to be thankful for in the meantime. There is no other explanation for her view of life than refreshing.

Well this blog was no different. Regarding the month of February, (if you havent read it) she figured she should list a few things she loves: mornings, morning showers, breakfast, etc. Truly, she loves those things. They excite her. They bring her sincere joy. But I couldnt help but chuckle to myself. I hate mornings. I hate the sound of my alarm and I hate getting out of bed. I barely eat breakfast while Im at school because I stay in bed til the last minute... then am rushing to get out the door.

Anyways, before reading my sisters blog, I was planning to write about how I dont love February. I know Im in a different stage than my sister... Im not married - not even close. I bet if I was in some type of a relationship, my opinions on the subject would be a lot different. But, that is not the case. Ive been receiving emails from Godiva (chocolate) about "getting my special someone what they love (aka chocolate)." [They send me stuff cuz Im signed up with them.] But I would end up buying all that stuff for me. So you get where Im going with this. Lucky for me, my apartment is pretty anti-love. We talk about it. It helps with being anti-February. And then I hear a song like this:

You're nobody 'til somebody loves you
You're nobody 'til somebody cares.
You may be king, you may possess the world and it's gold,
But gold won't bring you happiness when you're growing old.
The world still is the same, you never change it,
As sure as the stars shine above;
You're nobody 'til somebody loves you,
So find yourself somebody to love.
The world still is the same, you never change it,
As sure as the stars shine above;
You're nobody 'til somebody loves you,
So find yourself somebody, find yourself somebody,
Find yourself somebody to love.

And I felt so much better.... right.... WORST SONG EVER. Although, I do have people who love me... just not the type of person they discuss in this song...

So I was going to focus on February as Black History Month. (And just as I type that, an Usher song came on...)

I think Black History Month gets overlooked... although, honestly, if they wanted the attention, youd think they would change it to a different month... Anyways. I was planning to celebrate February as Black History Month, rather than the Love month. (Lets face it, the Love month is so fun when youre ordering for one.) However, all of these thoughts were prior to reading my sisters blog. Well really, these thoughts were prior to yesterday, when I was thinking about them in connection with my sisters blog.

The two of us are completely different - this is the perfect explanation of how. But I decided rather than becoming a love hater (oxymoron!) I would try it her way. I was convicted of putting the word hate on things that really are a blessing. For example - mornings. Ok, I still dont love mornings. But I love having coffee in the mornings to wake me up, or just for a yummy taste. Without getting up, I wouldnt get my coffee. So mornings may not be my favorite thing, but they have perks. Im trying to catch myself before I look at something negatively and become a sourpuss. Im trying it the Jordanna way. Its not easy though. I give my sister props.

But ultimately, I am so incredibly blessed. I have been given so much that I dont deserve. And every time I say, "I hate _____" or just am negative, I am taking that thing for granted. Well see if this will last or if it will even work. But I am blessed. And I should be more thankful for that.

I do love flowers, though. And flowers signify love. Which is the sole purpose of February.... Maybe February isnt completely bad. ;)