A Grateful Heart

"Today, I am so grateful that God knows my heart. Others may misunderstand my good intentions, judge my words or deeds, find fault, or blame what they truly do not understand. But God knows my heart. He knows I am learning, trying, endeavoring, to be all He created me to be." -Lori Nawyn


Recently, I have experienced a renewed gratefulness for my Savior.

Grateful that no matter what the circumstances are around me, He is always with me.

Grateful that He continues to provide blessing upon blessing upon blessing.

Grateful that I can always count on Him.

Grateful that He never leaves me.

Grateful that despite all the shortcomings of humans, He has none and is always constant.

Grateful that He protects me and shields my heart.

Grateful that He knows my heart.


Despite the hurt, evil, anger, confusion, bitterness, frustration of the world, He remains.

He never leaves. He never fails.

And I can't help but be so so grateful for that.

For when I am grateful, all the hurt, evil, anger, confusion, bitterness, frustrations seem to fade away.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you... Do not be afraid, for I am with you. - Isaiah 43:2&5

Let's [Not] Workout!

Every day for the past couple years, I have thought - at some point during the day - I should really work out... I really need to get active and get in shape and lose some weight. And when I say every day, I really do mean every day. So, yesterday was no different. I awoke in the morning, grateful I didn't have to go straight to work and was able to veg in the morning. I relaxed, watched tv, took my time waking my mind up. All the while thinking I'm going to do my Jillian Michaels dvd this morning! With my excited-can do attitude, I pounced off the couch!

This is what happened.

I grabbed the phone and dialed my sister.
"Whatcha doing?"
"Oh I'm trying to encourage myself to workout. What are you doing?"
And we talked for an hour or more.
We hung up, only because she was at her destination and meeting a friend. Otherwise I could've talked to her about each strand of my hair to avoid getting off phone.

I walked into the kitchen to fill a glass with water (in preparation for my workout).
I spied a container of chocolate chips cookies I had baked the day earlier (I really am the source of my own downfall).
Of course, I had to eat one! Which means two.
Then I found the perfect cookie. I set it right on top for me to eat at the end of my workout... I need a little incentive, right?!

I walked to my room to get the weights and put on more comfortable clothes.
Coming back into the family room, I realized I had forgotten the weights.
Go get the weights.
Grab my Bible while I'm at it.
It's ok, I can eat the cookie now. I'll have another one at the end.

Oh, lets do some quiet time! I mean, it is most important.
Read my Bible.
Lord, I'm spending time with you. I love you. Please make me skinny. This should be worth more than crunches!
That didn't work.
Another cookie.

At some point, I did end up doing a brief workout. But usually, I end up showering and once I'm clean, I can't get sweaty! Needless to say. I hate working out. It never gets easier. It never becomes likable. But it is needed, relatively. I was the only person in college like this, cuz I was surrounded with Kinesiology-workout people. But hopefully now, those around me understand more. At least my mom does. We've devoured those cookies.....

Faithful Promises

Today is October 23. Which means its day October 23 of Jesus Calling. Now. I'm not going to pretend I read every day of Jesus Calling. But every now and then I'm curious to see what the Lord is telling me. Truly, every time I open that little book I discover - yet another - reason why I love it. I don't open it enough. And I don't know why I don't go to that over other, for lack of a better term, non-inspiring resources. But that is not my focus today.

If you read Jesus Calling religiously, you know what today was about. If you don't, I will tell you. Or rather, I will type up what the day says.

"As you turn your attention to Me, feel the Light of My Presence shining upon you, Open your mind and heart to receive My heavenly smile of approval. Let My gold-tinged Love wash over you and soak into the depths of your being. As you are increasingly filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me: I in you, and you in Me. Your Joy-in-Me and My Joy-in-you become intertwined and inseparable. I suffuse your soul with Joy in My Presence; at My right hand there are pleasures forevermore."

Then it gives two verses to further dive into the meaning of the words and help you create an even more impacting and joyous image. John 17:20-23 and Psalm 16:11.

I wish so bad I was this person who, after reading this, just smiles and sits back, closes her eyes, and feels the joy of being in the Presence of the Lord. Sits in silence and peace, with a heart that just pours over with joy. But, I'm not. I never have been. Despite how hard I try. I think that is what my sister and my grandma do. And I am so jealous of them for that. They provide so much incite about what they are reading in the Word and they want to dive even more into it and share about it. Awesome right? My mom is insightful about what she reads, too, but I think she understands where I'm coming from (which is still not evident yet - I'm sure).

So as I sat back, I imagined the Lord sitting next to me, staring at me. Like a child who made his mom a mothers day card and was eagerly awaiting her response to viewing it. And I managed a smile, because it is a wonderful feeling and scene to picture - being one with my Creator. But I still didn't feel that overwhelming joy almost everyone on earth experiences... Or at least, those are the people who talk about their quiet times with the Lord. Always describing it as "rejuvenating, enlightening, fulfilling, joyous, captivating,..." you get the picture.

This is a big reason of why I don't openly discuss my quiet time. Who wants to hear that they read the Bible and it just wasn't quite what they needed or they are still not content? So I began to ponder a different way to approach my readings. And though my thought process started to drift from October 23 of Jesus Calling, it still relates. I also read Psalm 91 - which is still slightly in line with Jesus Calling. Promises to those who dwell in the shelter of the Lord.

And I began to realize something. The Bible is filled with promises. Nearly every time I open it and read, I find a promise. Not just any promise - God's Promises. My family taking promising very seriously. You can't go back on a promise. And you can never - NEVER - lie if you promise. But with all these promises in the Bible comes something that isn't guaranteed or offered anywhere else in the world. With God's promises comes fulfillment. He follows through on what He promises. Even when we can't feel it, even when we don't see it, He follows through.

So as I read through Psalm 91 as the Lord is promising that if we dwell with Him and use Him as our place of Refuge and safety, He will protect us. He will be with us in trouble times. He will send His angels to guard us. These are promises that we can trust and have faith in. Jesus Calling doesn't say "As you are immediately filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me." It says "As you are increasingly filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me." Just because I didn't feel joy instantly doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It means I need to seek Him more - increasingly being filled by Him. Then I will experience joy. 

I choose to feel reassurance and peace. Many feel such joy when talking with the Lord, I'm tired of not feeling it. And I do feel reassured and comforted knowing one thing is always constant. People constantly let us down. They break promises, they fail. We are human. We are not perfect. But only One makes promise after promise and will hold true to all of them. Maybe we don't see it or feel it today or tomorrow, but we know we can trust in Him. 

I don't know where I'm headed in life. I don't know if I will ever feel pure joy in my life. But I can feel comforted knowing that I have someone who promises me things and will always hold up His end of the bargain. 

It's my turn to hold up mine.

Pioneer Woman... In Training...

I have a bit of an obsession. Its been growing - it isnt NEW, but it has sprung within the last year. And its going to sound slightly stalkerish, but its truly not. It is a fascination with a person. Not a "typical" celebrity, but I guarantee you if I ever meet her, Im fairly positive I will be star struck. Some people have heard of her - if not on their own, then definitely by me.

Her name is Ree Drummond. She is better known as the Pioneer Woman. 

I found her on Food Network. Another obsession I have. [Obviously] she has a cooking show and makes all kinds of amazing things! Ever since the whole Paula Deen scandal (which - lets not even GO there) and Food Network cancelling all her shows (ya, she was once on half the day), its obvious theyre trying to find a new 'Paula Deen.' I feel they have been elevating the Barefoot Contessa. Wrongly so. I believe, Pioneer Woman should be the new face of Food Network, as Paula Deen once was. 

Anyway. PW lives on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, Oklahoma. A HUGE ranch. With her husband and kids. She cooks for her family while they manage the ranch. She takes them food, sets up picnics, has steaming hot meals ready at the end of the day... Plus all other mom/wife duties a mom/wife does. She calls herself an accidental country girl and is not ashamed to say she still hasnt gotten the hang of ranch-life. Yet she seems like a pro. 

And truly. I just want her life. I want to be her. She is just the perfect woman. I love the country, I am a country girl at heart. I love that life style. But since I cant actually be her, I just really really want to know her and be her friend. Let me tell you why. 

She is genuine - just so real.

She cooks incredible food! And isnt afraid to go a little heavy with the cream or butter. I love it. 

She is honest - whether it be on her show, confessing she licks the brownie bowl during commercial breaks, or on her blog when she tells stories about how she cannot dance. 

She is kind. 

She is welcoming - constantly having company over and hosting all types of functions. 

She is humble. She has the coolest life, but she never acts like she has it all. (Partly because she cant go down the street to grab a Starbucks.) 

She is funny! Shes a little corny, but thats part of why shes so captivating!

Shes adorable! She wears the cutest shirts and the cutest boots, always has her hair and makeup done. Always looking flawless. On a ranch. Im sure - its not an easy task.
Did I mention she is an amazing cook??
She loves her dogs and always has them be part of her show, blog, or cookbooks. [She also loves all the other animals on her ranch, but her Bassett Hound, Charlie, is always with her.]

You have to watch her show, or at least read her blog (a posting or two). Youll quickly learn why she is so great and youll fall in love with her too. You can find her website here:http://thepioneerwoman.com/

Itll entertain you for hours and make you super hungry. Youre welcome. =)

I can only pray I have little characteristics of Pioneer Woman... since I dont see a cowboy taking me to a life like hers anytime in my future...

Catch-up

Just to catch you up on dog adventures... and see how BIG Brinkley is, I figured Id give you a little something to hold you over until something totally exciting and worth reading happens in my life. =)

A couple weeks ago, Mom and I took Brinkley and Ava to the beach. It was only Brinkleys second time and Avas forth time (I think). Brinkley LOVES to socialize, but he hasnt figured out that hes allowed to play with other dogs besides Ava. Finally he got it and played with a little-medium-sized dog. All the while, Ava just wants to play fetch. The. Entire. Time.

And of course, they were soooo sleepy. Got baths right after we left the beach, so they felt good and clean. And were so ready for a nap. 

And, of course, theyre just the cutest little buddies ever. 

A Gamblers' Advice

Today I decided to check out a website I had seen a commercial for. Its a website where people get huge HUGE deals on EVERYTHING. From gift cards to Starbucks and Home Depot to iPads and Laptops. The thing that really caught my attention was a lady saying she purchased a KitchenAid standing mixer for $40! Now, I love to cook and have been dying for one of these awesome mixers for months, if not years. So I decided I need to figure out how I could be apart of something so amazing.

Before going too deep into what happened next, let me tell you something. If something seems too good to be true... It is. The only exceptions are Jesus and how unreal it is how much He loves us (yet He does) and Santa Claus. Those are pretty much the only exceptions to this common phrase. I, of course, always need to try things on my own. And I always want to believe things, so I give it at least one try. But let me tell you, if you hear of something being such a huge deal - theres something wrong. It really is too good to be true. Dont even do investigating. Because people know how to deceive and make you think its still good. Just avoid it. Dont do it. Its bad.

So back to my story. Which Im sure you have a general idea of how things went. But Ill tell you anyways. This needs to get out. Im contemplating making my own commercial about this site and exposing the TRUTH about it.

So I checked out the site. I wont even say the site at this point because I know youll be tempted to check it out. Ill post it at the end... after my warnings and you can make an education decision of what you want to do. I go to the site and theres all these amazing testimonials of what people have won and how much they spent on it. And it said "winners" rather than 'testimonials.' This shouldve been my first clue. But I ignored it and continued figuring out what it was. I immediately went to the place where all the things are available. Again, ignoring a bad indication when you have to click on "auctions" to see all the cool stuff they have available. And on each item available you click "BID NOW".

Let me tell you, there is some cool stuff available! Like I said, gift cards, iPads, iPhones, TVs, etc. Heres my other problem - Im slightly impulsive. I see something I like and I go for it. Theres no additional shopping around. I dont check other places for deals. I decide I want it and thats that. So right as Im about to sign on the dotted line and create an account for this sinful site, I found a tab that said "whats the catch?" Trying to be fiscally responsible, (I really still dont understand it all) I clicked on it and watched a short video that explained the game to me.

Heres how it works:
In order to win something, you have to bid on it and [obviously] be the highest bidder.
In order to bid on something, you have to have bids - this means you have to purchase bids which are normally $.60 a piece.
When you bid on something, you use your bids and youre technically spending $.60 every time you bid on something - win or not.
To create an account, you have to purchase bids at normal price and you have to buy a pack of 60. (Thats $36 for 60 bids.) But then youre in the game!
Bidding starts at $0.00 and everytime someone places a bid, it goes up by $.01. Amazing right??
So you have to wait for the timer to run down to 10 seconds, then its open for bidding. You can see how many people are participating in the auction by clicking on the item.
Heres the bigger catch, everytime someone bids on the item, the clock goes back to 10 seconds and starts counting down again. So the clock can say 10 seconds for 20 minutes - depending on how many people are bidding and how far theyre willing to go.
If you lose a bidding war, you can click "buy it now" and pay the full purchase price AND get all your bids back.
You can always choose to "buy it now" and pay the full purchase price - but that kinda defeats the purpose.

There are other little rules to play by, but these are the main instructions. This is how the game is played. Its what you need to know to start bidding. Are you thinking it seems amazing and you need to sign up?! Then youre like me. If youre thinking its a total scam and you need to run... youre way smarter than me.

So within half an hour of creating and account and buying my "starter kit" with 60 bids - Im down to 6 bids. And Ive obtained 7 free bids in the process. Therefore, I went from 67 to 6. In half. an. hour. Another tid bit about Carly - I can easily and quickly become addicted to something. Ive posted in the past about playing the stuffed animal claw game... well this is why I dont gamble and go to casinos. Ever. Because I know how easy it is to get the fever and spend a lot of money knowing that a win is just around the corner. And theres another $50.

I didnt end up winning anything. I was trying to win more bids and a Starbucks card. And I failed. And now Im down to 4 bids. =/ Yikes. Needless to say, I have checked the site several times to see how things are going and whats up for auction. I ended up bidding again... its how I got down to 4 bids.

I started this posting last night and am now finishing up. There is a new development though! I have received an email with tips on how to win auctions! One of which shows the times when there is less traffic on the site to increase your chances of winning! So Ill have to check that out! But I really need to get some more bids. Im debating against buying more bids though... since Ive basically thrown money away already.

And that is my story. So if you see a commercial for dealdash.com and youre tempted to go there... just remember that sin is tempting. And run. RUN. RUN FAR AWAY. Block it from your browser!!

Hopefully you dont have find yourself in the predicament Im in. WANTING MORE.

May the force be with you if you check it out...

The Trouble with Fear

As you may - or may not - know, I graduated from college a little over a year ago now. Gee. A year. Where in the world did the time go?? What have I been doing since then? Well, let me tell you. Not much.

I've continued to work at the same place since graduating, the same place I worked at during college when I would come home on summer break and often times during Christmas. I enrolled in and completed Physics this Spring, so I am one step closer to graduate school. Pretty much any graduate school. I've spent every free moment at home, with my Ava and our new Brinkley. Literally. Every free moment. Partly because I don't really have any friends around here. Mostly because I love home and I love my dog(s) even more.

But you get to a point where you think, what am I doing?? I mean, I need to choose/find a career. I need to become a full-fledged adult. I have a dog to support. And hopefully I'll have more to support one day. I've decided to not go in the direction I've been striving towards for the past 4+ years. I think I've written about that. And I'm ok with that decision. The problem now is where do I go? What do I do?

So I embarked on a new career venture toward Physical Therapy. I've been told I would make an excellent Physical Therapist... apparently I have the right personality. [This isn't necessarily a compliment...] I visited a private campus, an extension from a graduate school in Florida. It is based in San Diego (which is much more viable for me). It only has 2 programs. Yes you read correctly - 2. Occupational therapy and physical therapy. It is kinda perfect for me. It's a shorter program, though more intense. It's small so I don't have to walk all over the place to get to class. The only thing I'm concerned about is the internships you do. Where you're sent wherever they want to send you. Finding housing for 2 or more months is completely your responsibility. And you don't know where you will be sent. But even as my head told me that just isn't happening, my heart was consoled when I found out students take their dogs with them. And even more consoled when the proposal of my grandma coming along with me - and her totally liking the idea. So I proceeded to process.

What's standing in my way? Observation hours. Once I track down 80 observation hours, I'm good to go. I can apply no problem.

And even with knowing how close I am, I continue to look into my options. The first time I don't just go for something at the drop of a hat. Usually, when I shop, I grab the first thing I see. No need to further exploration. That's a fairly good description of me. And usually, I'm content with my choice. Except for these situations. Regarding my life. I'm more meticulous and indecisive. So I have come up with becoming a real estate agent. I can watch hgtv all day. I love home shows. I came up with a handful of reasons why I would make a great real estate agent. My favorite reasons - its so quick to get licensed and you create your own schedule, so you can be extremely flexible. However, I'm terrible at marketing myself. Literally I loathe talking about myself and putting myself out there the way you have to in real estate. I've also come up with becoming a chef. (Something that has always been in the option list.) Because I can watch food network all day long. And I love being creative with food.

I mean, the list goes on and on. And why am I still sitting, job searching and processing? Because I'm afraid. Do you know what the biggest trouble with fear is? It's paralyzing. It'll stop you in your tracks, steal your voice and confidence, and ruin a plan.

So in this place of feeling stuck and needing to move forward, the most influential feeling is fear. And it is stopping me from doing anything. Pathetic isn't it? The Bible says not to fear enough times to be said every day for a year. I know the Lord is in control. I just want a door to be opened. I know I'm probably reading it wrong and really, multiple doors are open, I just need to decide which one to walk through. And no matter which door I choose, the Lord is with me.

I just need to get over this and move forward. I know you're probably shocked to hear I'm afraid. I am the one who fears nothing! (Besides creepy crawlies.) But big decisions scare me. Paralyze me. Stops me in my tracks. Steals my voice and confidence. And ruins my plan. And what am I even afraid of?? Oh plenty. Failure. Not remembering what I've learned. Not liking it. Being put on the spot. Name it, I'm probably afraid of it.

But somehow, I'll get past this. 

And move forward into life. 

My grandma is depending on me for an adventure! 

Ava is depending on me for a sweet life! 

I need to grow up! 

.......

Yikes.

A Lassie of My Own

Thursday night something amazing happened at my house. 

And when I say amazing I mean hilarious, yet truly remarkable and uncommon. 

When I say uncommon I mean this does not happen often and especially not [yet] in my house.

Not [yet] in my house... 

Until Thursday.

When the something amazing happened.

You may or may not know, I have a dog.

Her name is Ava. She is a little 46/47lb Lab mix.

I love my little girl more than I can express or anyone understands.

She is the best gift I have ever received and has such a huge place in my heart.

She is absolutely adorable and so sweet. 

She is squirrelly, stubborn, and independent. 

She is so caring, especially about her peers in crisis mode (ie. howling or whining dogs). Cue story.

Last night, Ava was outside going about her business, sniffing, running, checking things out. 

After a bit, we began to hear her bark.

This is not uncommon, as Ava will bark at a leaf in the pool. And more recently, our neighbor who likes to do yardwork in the later evening. [I would bark too.]

After several minutes of us doing our own thing inside and not checking on her, she obviously needed our attention.

Suddenly, she jumped on the door, making herself as tall as possible and began barking her aggressive not-so-little bark. 

As soon as we looked at her, she got down on her four legs and ran away.

It was apparent she wanted our attention.

We then went to the door, me calling out 

"What is it Lassie?!" (Clearly, I was joking......)

Once we stepped outside, we looked toward the pool to see her along the side staring intently in - glancing up at us, then back into the pool, then up at us, then back into the pool.

Again, not an uncommon sight. Ava will stand at the side of the pool and stare in at her ball for hours on end, praying someone gets it out for her.

But there was no ball this time. 

We continued to walk to the other side of the pool to stand next to her. 

Finally we saw the problem.

A rather large grasshopper had hopped into the pool. 

He was alive and still. [Probably frozen by fear from the dog barking 2 inches from him.]

My mom walked around the pool to retrieve the pool net, all the while, Ava showed her where it was. 

Then she lead the way back to the grasshopper and watched as mom fished it out of the pool.

She maintained her stare as it was dumped into the bushes.

Since Ava is notorious for eating bugs and being relentless in trying to get something, I told her to leave it alone.

But there was no more urgency in her.

She was fine to walk away at that point.

She walked into the house to return to her ball play or Brinkley play. 

At that point, we knew she didnt want us to get it out for a midday snack.

No, she purely wanted that little guy to be saved. 

It was surprising, but to her it was all in a days work.

My mom wondered if she would do the same thing if a child fell in the pool.

I think she would. 

Add to her character traits:

Nanny
Hero

Lifeguard

911 Dispatcher

Lassie

Sisters Go Home

I realized I mentioned something in my last blog that - if youre a religious follower but dont actually know me (is there such a thing??) youre probably surprised at. And thinking "well Id like to hear more about that!" Yes, My sister and I went to Italy in March! And since shes slightly slacking with putting up the thousands of pictures we took and I finally figured out how to transfer pictures from my phone onto my computer, I will reveal to you the shining moments of our week-long, whirlwind of a trip to our homeland! Again, I dont have nearly as many pictures of our trip, so my telling will be much more brief than hers. Besides, shes good at telling stories.

We left on a red eye to Atlanta Friday night (March 22) and arrived eeeeearly Saturday morning. We were forced to leave the gate area of the airport during out 10hr layover, but were restricted to the airport as it was raining and we each had three bags of luggage.

We then arrived in Rome Sunday morning, hopped on a bus to the train station, hopped on a train to Venice, hopped on the vaporetto toward our B&B, and walked the rest of the way.

We spent the afternoon and next morning trying to sightsee and shop, despite the 7 degree weather... in Celsius.

We LOVED our B&B. Seriously, the cutest room with the cutest juliet balcony over a little canal. And we got to lounge in bed with our first Italian style breakfast! And the best cafe lattes we had all trip! This was also where we were introduced to Nutella. (That will be mentioned again... count on it!) We couldnt feel our fingers or toes but we fell in love with Venice.

Monday afternoon, we walked to the vaporetto, hopped on the vaporetto, hopped on a train to Florence, and took a taxi to our next B&B. Our room was delightful! We shared a private garden area with 2 other rooms, but we were the only ones who used it [to get wifi]. Our room was the best, we have no doubt! We hunted for a restaurant, while trying to sight see.

Tuesday morning we discovered the best cafe! We sipped our cafe lattes and enjoyed our breakfast pastries - mine a Nutella croissant and Jordanna something equally delicious. Then we went on a food tour, learning about their coffee customs (which is not as luxurious as we have here in the US), wine and food pairings, gelato, and other delicacies like white truffle. Then we did more sight seeing with some shopping. We also saw the infamous David, by Michaelangelo. Dont worry - we censored ourselves.

THAT NIGHT. We walked to a restaurant Jordanna had been dying to try (credit to her friends who had visited). It was a good 20-25minute walk, but it was well worth it. I had decided not to order anything and Jordanna ordered her pear and cheese pasta she HAD to try. I took one bite and ordered my own. We split the one she had and she ordered another one as well. BEST DINNER. Literally, one of the best meals of my life. I didnt pause to take a picture... Jordanna did though! =)



The next day, we embarked on our huge climb to the famous Pizzalle Michaelangelo. The famous lookout point over Venice. We had quite the workout! But the view was worth it! We didnt have to buy any postcards because we got the exact picture!








We then had to hurry to make to to our cooking class. We tasted the best pesto and the most incredible tomato herb spread. Then headed to the cooking school to make homemade pasta, tiramisu, and the sauces that accompany the pasta. That is a story in itself... For a whole other blog. Long story short, we were originally not liked by the chef because of our tardiness. By the end, we were the favorites.

For the rest of the day, we shopped (with Jordanna purchasing a new luggage addition to contain some our new purchases), did a little more sightseeing, grabbed some dinner, and prepared ourselves to say goodbye to Florence.

Early Thursday morning, we hopped in a taxi, hopped on a train/switched trains to Cinque Terre, hopped in a taxi to our hotel (when we nearly lost our lives), and got lost in the two streets trying to find our hotel. Cinque Terre is a small beach town. We had it all set up to go snorkeling with gear provided by our hotel! I was so excited. But we prepared ourselves for a snorkel fail with the cold weather we experienced all trip. It was gloomy, grey, and raining. All. Afternoon.

Outside the train station in Cinque Terre

We walked around to the shops, trying to find a little cafe to eat in (we had been spoiled in Florence), but it was as though the town was shut down for the rain. They also had a landslide the day before so part of the town was inaccessible. We walked around in the wind, rain slapping us in the face, attempting to capture the once-in-a-lifetime moments with our cameras. After shopping in a little shop, we headed back to the hotel and had a plateful of pasta, complementary with our room. We decided to lay low in our hotel the rest of the night, reconfiguring our over-packed suitcases and listening to the rain hit the cobblestone streets.



Early the next morning, we caught our early taxi and headed back to the train station (with a much smoother driver). We hopped on a train/switched trains to Rome and hopped in a taxi to our hotel. One the way, we drove by the Colosseum (per our request) and jumped out for a quick picture. We were able to drop off our things at the hotel, were given a map of the city, and headed out to sightsee for the last afternoon of our time in Italy.


We took the metro to the Vatican. (Oh, and this was on Good Friday. Oh and the new pope had only been selected 1-2 weeks earlier.) The church in the Vatican was closed. Huge parts were under renovation. But it was amazing, what we were able to see! We were pulled into a store on the way back to the metro, where I got a cute dress and Jordanna purchased the leather jacket she had been searching for.

Once back to our hotel area, we journeyed to the Pantheon and several other well known places for photo ops. Our feet were killin, but we covered a lot of ground! Finally we got some gelato and headed back to the hotel for a break before going to dinner. After a short break, we returned to the streets of Rome to see the Trevi Fountain and find a great spot for dinner. We spent our dinnertime reflecting on the trip - things we loved, things we wished we could do/eat again, things we were surprised by, things we were happy we did. We walked our final Italy walk back to the hotel and spent most of the night repacking our suitcases to fit everything.


We had a 4am date with a taxi driver to head to the airport, which ended up being a Mercedes with a suited driver. We finally got through checkin and security and boarded our plane to Paris. Upon arriving to Paris, we flew through customs and the gate area to find our ginormous plane to LAX. Though we had a 11-12hour flight to get through, we loved our flight experience. We were delayed getting back to San Diego, but finally took off on our puddle jumper and landed in San Diego Easter Eve.

We had the best time. We learned so so much. About each other, about Italy, about traveling [in a foreign country]. I love time spent with my sister. I love getting to experience things with her. It had been a while since we had spent that much time together, but [I think] we both enjoyed every bit of it. (Minus hiking up to the lookout point, maybe.) It was definitely a whirlwind of a trip, but we had a week to go to Italy. It was now or never. We fit in as much as we could. If we didnt do it the way we did, we wouldve been kicking ourselves. Heres to Italia 2013!

Venice!

From the top of the bell tower... 

we braved the immense cold for a fantastic photo op!

Florence

crossing the river

after our AMAZING dinner

Chefs in the making

Thank you sister! Youre the best sister/travel buddy/trip coordinator/"interpretor"! 

To Burger or Not to Burger...

Well its way past due for that time again. The time to entertain my audience with a funny story, Carly insights, an all-about-Ava post, or really at this point - MONTHS after my last post - ANYTHING for my readers to read. I guess you could say Ive been trying to build the suspense. But really, I dont have great stories to tell. My life revolves around my canine child and I know people get tired of hearing all about her. So I took myself away from the blog world to regroup and re-examine.

Again, I really just havent had any brilliant things to share. But its me. I mean, I do always have something to say. Whether it be on the weather, on driving around, errands, etc.. My reputation of having an opinion succeeds me. [Is that the proper terminology?]

Anywhoo. I figured Id share about a consistent struggle in my life. Something Ive always had looming over my head and always had to face, but really tried to ignore. And recently, I had a slight epiphany. Well, maybe epiphany is a little too bold of a word. I had a realization. And I thought some people would understand and join in my realization with me. The past several weeks, to months, to really years, I have had the desire to lose weight. Ive never been small. And when a lot of people say that, they really were years ago, but they forgot those days. No. I mean, Ive never been a small person. I was a crazy child who always had energy. I played sports, though I was never the fastest runner or the fastest swimming. I feel I have extra floatation devices holding me back. But I was tough in my sports. I played positions that I didnt need to be fast because I could use my strength. Even in that though, I would be exercising for hours a day and depressingly, never lost a pound. Apparently I was building muscle. I swear - you cant do one without the other. I would give up. Sure I was getting stronger, but I wasnt seeing the results I wanted to see. And that is not encouraging.

So the past several years, while I was in college, I was a Kinesiology major. I was nearly the only person in my department who didnt like to run. And pretty much really didnt like working out. I need incentive. I need something fun, where it feels like Im not working out. And most importantly, I need to see the pounds falling on the floor. If it doesnt have those things, count me out or count me done after a try. The nice thing was in college, I would actually lose weight because I wasnt eating good home cooked food. I was also doing more and had a higher level of stress, which took a toll on my eating. But all in the meanwhile, we would talk about exercising and eating right in my classes and all I could do was look around at all the triathalon looking bodies and think "you people dont understand." In one class, I was even used as an example because I was the only person who admitted to hate running. Luckily, I wasnt scrutinized - it was used as "what other activities could we suggest that would make her enjoy working out?" And that was my Kinesiology class life.

Upon graduating and returning home, I have indulged in my moms cooking, along with the ability to have thin mints or extra snacks that I wouldnt usually find in my apartment at school. Yes, those pounds I may have lost at school have crept up on me with a vengence for not doing it properly. Dont get me wrong. Ive dieted. Ive have "lifestyle changes." And they worked temporarily. And slowly. Have you ever watched a snail move? Well, I wish I was losing weight that fast. But then I get to a point where its not happening fast enough. Its too much work. Its exhausting. Its hard. Excuses? Im the queen when it comes to this stuff. My sister and I started going back to the gym, eager to get bikini bodies by the time we went to Italy. We would look at all the skinny people at the gym and think "go home, youre done here!" Well. We went a total of maybe five times from January to our trip in March. Obviously, we didnt have bikini ready bodies, as much as we were excited talking about it and determined to see our vision through. I will add that Italy was cold and rainy. We had rain coats on the whole time! So fortunately, our not-so-bikini bodies did not need to be modeled.

So here I am, almost two months after our Italy trip, still wanting to lose weight. Still wanting to be a runner because I know Ava would absolutely love that. Where was I going with all this?? A realization... Oh right!

I have a lot of friends who post pictures of their breakfast/lunch/dinner choices on facebook or instagram (yes! I have an instagram now!) and have elated captions with the food. Mind you, its a shake. Not a cookies n cream shake, but a honey, sea grass, flaxseed, cranberry shake. And the captions usually say something to this effect: "The perfect way to start a day! Yum!" or "I dont know what Id do without my dirt smoothie!" It takes every fiber in my being to not comment and say "Well my pancakes and sausage would beg to differ!" Because really, if I started my day out like that (and I have recently), its not a good way to start my day. And I see those posts and have these thoughts every time. And suddenly it hit me.

These people arent crazy! Theyre using reverse psychology! On themselves! Let me explain. If you are going to eat that healthy poop, then you HAVE to convince yourself its delicious too. Its completely mental. I felt a little better. Knowing oh, they want to dump that and grab an egg mcmuffin too! Theyre just pretending its good! I think its mean that the best food is actually the worse food for you.

And with that realization came more thought. I want to lose weight. Seriously. And I probably need to. But I know I will never be tiny. I am big boned - its totally a thing. But I could look healthier. I could be toned and more defined. Im muscular, so I will never be incredibly lean. But I cant eat food that I dont like. If Im going to take it in, it needs to be good. Good tasting. Otherwise Id rather not eat. Thats where the portion thing comes in. Paula Deen lost all her weight through portion control, not by taking real butter out of her dishes. And she doesnt indulge in nearly as many sweets and rich things as she used to. Well. Props to her. I have a self disciplined problem. Hence why I havent gone to the gym this week and dont opt away from the thin mints. My grandma doesnt eat chocolate. Her reasons were not weight, but she hasnt touched chocolate in years! Props!

So in my quest to lose weight, I have to focus on fun exercise. Ive realized. I refuse to give up the things I love for the rest of my life. I love food. I love cooking. I love tasting. Food makes me happy. Maybe only for a bit, but I actually rarely have times where I think "I wish I didnt eat that." If Im stuffed, I think "Was it delicious? Yes. Then it was worth it." I dont have the self disciple to give up burgers for the rest of my life. Or meat. Or chocolate because there are times where I want a smore. If you are ok with giving up that food, then props to you. I hope you enjoy your days and find other things that fulfill that happiness.

And so, I have decided, for now, and for always, I will have food. Because in reality, everyone wishes they could have the delicious real stuff that they may push aside.

New Experiences

WELL. Its about time I put something up on this thing right?! And because my life is working and Ava, you can guess what this post is about!

Last weekend, Jordanna and I embarked on a first time adventure. We declared Saturday a beach day. Not for the purpose of coloring our pale bodies. This trip was not even for us. It was for our beloved children. Emma and Baker had been to the beach once before. Emma loved it! Baker did great! And this time, we were incorporating Ava into the mix. This was her first beach excursion. So I was so excited for her! After a couple walks around Lake Murray with Em and Bakes, we all concluded the beach is a must after all three tried running into the lake multiple times.

So Jordanna and I piled into my car with our puppies and headed East until we hit the ocean. (Literally.) We found a pretty packed parking lot, but it didnt scare us. We just prayed Ava would come when she was called and Baker would be nice to all the curious dogs. We really werent concerned about Emma. Shes everybodys friend. We climbed out of the car and began the trek across the sand to the water. We found a slow-traffic area, where Ava and Baker wouldnt be overwhelmed by a bunch of other dogs and crossed our fingers as we unleashed them one by one, starting with Miss Emma.

Well Emma led the pack. And a pack they were. Baker and Ava became little buddies as Emma was a little in her own world, but stuck close to us. Poor Baker couldnt go out quite as far as the girl since his legs are shorter, but he didnt let that stop him! We lost a few balls in the current, but we came prepared and the girls were thankful for that. Jordanna and I were so excited that they were so happy and did so well. We decided it needed to become a regular event, since they loved it so much and it pooped them out for the day!

Upon leaving, we looked up a do-it-yourself dog wash in the area on Jordannas handy dandy iphone, so we would go home with clean, sleepy puppies. We lucked out and got them all washed in good timing! Minus the fact that I squirted hypo-allergenic shampoo up my nose. But we left with handfuls of bones for the pups! When we got back to my car, we were surprised to find it not starting, not even hearing the engine turn. I rolled down my windows so they pups wouldnt overheat as we assessed what the problem could be. I was in park. Nothing was left on for the battery to die... but it seemed like that was the problem. So Jordanna called AAA while I tried to look for addresses as to where we were exactly. As I turned around I noticed a AAA truck park right behind us. So I asked the guy if he was on duty and if he could help us. Turned out he was the one dispatched to the call and fixed us up in no time! Thank you Lord!! I needed a new battery. But hey. Its fixed.  The puppies were very patient waiting and walked with Jordanna so they werent stuck in the car. Well... Emma and Baker were very patient. Ava was a little perturbed but she was fine.

In all. It was a highly successful day! The dogs were happy and we were happy with our happy dogs. Who then slept most of the day cuz they were so sleepy from such an adventure! Were sure more beach trips wil occur soon!

                                        

Snapshot

May 8, 2012

Getting home with my new puppy and about to give her a bath.

She has gotten SO BIG! 

Life With Ava

Well, Ive had my little bundle of joy for a few months now. She has quickly become part of the family. She is so easy to love. Shes intelligent, respectful, playful, hilarious, sweet, and so much more! She is the gift that keeps on giving.

Obviously, Ive been a little MIA on here... hardly any posts the pasts few months. And I was doing really good at the beginning of the year! Sorry about that.... although truthfully I havent had any great stories to share with the world. And Im kinda one of those "new parents" everyone groans about because all they can talk about is their new child. But all my stories really are about Ava. So I decided I would try not to solely talk about her but that she is my baby, so if people get irritated with Ava stories then they just need to find a new friend.

So I thought I would share how my life has changed since Ava entered my world. Since she IS my stories nowadays... Not that Im complaining! I dont want to talk about anything else!

First off - I wake up a lot earlier. My day usually begins between 5 and 6am. I make her wait until 6, which she is getting better at each day. She stretches out across my body - I dont understand how it could be comfortable for her. She yawns with a little whine. She jumps off the bed, then back on. She sits next to me and stares at me. She grabs a random find and chews on it... Today it was a receipt. Really though - this is better than in the beginning. Shes the sweetest in the morning.

This means that Im typically tired throughout most of the day and turn in pretty early at night. And with that, Im asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow... which is pretty rare for me. (The 8 or 9 oclock bed times could be why she wakes up so early.... I guess the problem could be my own fault.)

We ALL have to be a lot more protective and careful with our food... Especially Mom. Ava has stolen a hamburger right out of her hand before! Shes also stolen a muffin, chips, and a few other things. She is a true Lab. Always hungry, will eat anything. I usually share my banana with her in the mornings. She is getting better, but not enough to put food close to the edge of the counter or leave food unattended to on the table.

(Here is a fun, hilarious video I caught of my girl in action!)

I drive differently with her - more methotically and with quieter music.

I dont have my nails painted nearly as often as I used to. I find that I have to jump on the opportunity to paint them when Avas sleeping... otherwise they wont last long with teeth scrapings and hair in them.

I spend more money at Petsmart than anywhere else, for anything else. I may go in needing food, but I never walk out without a new toy of some sort. Poor dog has toys coming out of her ears.

Im always rushing home from whatever I was out doing, just because I want to get to her. And of course, to Sam too. Hes still around and our big sweet boy. (Liking Ava more and more, but still not wanting to admit it, might I add.)

We have another dog that has assumed the position of guard dog, a position Casey took very seriously. So Ava has some big shoes to fill, but I think she knows and is doing a good job at filling them. Though I havent figured out the best way to get her to stop barking and growling at company, she is the first to alert us and keep the house safe.

There are so many other little things that are done differently now that we have a little one running around. But its funner with her. She provides endless entertainment. Shes growing up a little more each day, but she is definitely still a puppy! My little puppy!

Another White to the Black

When we had Casey, it was custom to see black and white. Sam with his thick black coat, and Casey right next to him with her yellow/blonde. They were yin and yang. Thhey were the cutest together. When you found Casey, Sammy was usually not far behind. He took cues from her. I think that was one reason it was so hard on him when we lost her. She was first. He came and learned from her.

Since weve brought Ava into our family, the biggest adjustment has been on the animals. Especially Sam. At first he was annoyed with her. Im sure wondering if she would ever leave. But each day, he wakes up to her. I think hes realizing she isnt leaving. Its taken time, but he tolerates her more and more. For the first time, he is the trainer. Ava follows him all over the yard. Shes his little white shadow. And hes starting to not only put up with her, but kinda like her. Though I dont think he wants to admit it. But truly, he looks for her when shes not right beside or behind him.

Seeing a black and white pair just puts such a smile on my face. Sammy has a little buddy again. Hes not alone. And Avas charm is finally winning him over. Its a precious, precious thing.

Introducing... AVA!

As you may or may not know, I graduated from college about 2 weeks ago!!!! Yup! Done with that aspect of life. And in that respect, I apologize for being so MIA on here. Though I like to post, the things to talk about seem unimportant compared to the massive amount of work I had to accomplish. But now I am free to post as I so desire! Until life really picks back up with work and such. In a sense, it already has become quite interesting.

My graduation gift from my parents was a PUPPY!!!!! For months - probably years - I have been talking about getting a puppy. I have been wanting a puppy and have vowed to get a puppy once I was done with college and could, once again, have an animal. And so, at lunch after graduation, I opened a very creative poem announcing my gift of a puppy from my parents! Apparently they had been searching and searching for the perfect puppy to add to our family but have not been successful. That is when I joined the search.

She has the prettiest green eyes! And loves to be outside, where they seem to shine the most!

Despite my searching (we are on a waiting list for a litter due late May, available July), I failed as well. Until last Tuesday night when my mom pulled up craigslist. Not 10 minutes prior, a post had been put up with 4 Lab mix puppies, 1 female, 3 male, almost 8 weeks old. Mom called to see if we could check them out. Within another 5 minutes, we were headed to see my possible new puppy.

As we drove, my mom because giving me a little pep talk/lecture. The topic: Dont allow cuteness to dictate my decision. I shouldnt take her just because she was super duper cute. I needed to be sure she would be a good fit and such. Of course I agreed. Nothing should be solely judged based on looks. So, with this little pep talk in mind, we found the house, rang the doorbell, and were taken around to where the puppies were kept (outside).

Upon opening the gate, 4 ADORABLE puppies came tearing across the yard to us! Immediately, we both sank down to meet them at their level. I found the little girl and held on to her, getting a feel if we were meant to be. Mom was lying down, allowing the little boys to climb all over her. She was falling in love with them too and even chose her favorite. I found myself reminding her not to base it solely on cuteness!

But the little female had my heart. She was a feisty little thing, standing her ground in a family full of boys. She had these bright green eyes that you couldnt miss. She was solid, big paws, thick legs, big floppy ears. I didnt want to let her go as she licked my face and gnawed on my fingers. My mom looked at me, waiting for the cue. Seeing as I refused to put her down, I just couldnt separate myself from her. I had to have her.

We drove away with an extra little addition sitting on my lap as we drove home. My little 3/4 lab, 1/8 husky, 1/8 boxer girl became mine immediately. We fell in love. Quickly became inseparable. Within the first night, she would look to me for approval or for safety. She cuddled with me in bed until she decided she wanted to sleep - then she wanted space. She only woke up once during the night and slept until 7! (That was the only time that has happened so far...)

Each day I learn something new about my little girl. She is so so much like my sweet Casey. She is very stubborn, but so easy to love. Shes playful and feisty. Shes absolutely ADORABLE! She loves her toys, but can often get distracted by things she shouldnt get into... but Ive chosen to choose my battles. Ultimately, chewing on the cat tree is better than chewing on the wall. She watches tv and barks at herself in the mirror. She has SUCH a personality and is quite a character!

It is an adjustment for everyone. Especially Sam, Simon, and Sofie. But theyre getting there. Ava has been very respectful to Sam, but is constantly intrigued by all the animals. She desperately wants a friend in Sam and is trying to win over his affection. At some point, all of them will love her as much as we do.

She is the perfect addition to our family. 

She is the perfect little buddy. 

I am so grateful for her and so in love with her.

The Things I Dont Talk About

Its funny how an hour ago, I was lying in bed, exhausted in so many ways and excited to finally shut my eyes and drift off to sleep. I was staring at a beautiful painting on my wall with a verse on it, "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." - Psalm 4:8

And I felt peace. And then there it was again... the nagging thing that has been bothering me for a while. Nagging things. Not really bothering me, but surrounding me and consuming me at times. And now, Im wide awake.

As Im nearing the end of my undergrad schooling, I am obviously forced to face all types of things. Some good. Some stressful. Some saddening. Some unexpected. Some scary. The list goes on and on. And I look back on my years here at Cal Baptist. These years have been not at all what I expected. But Im getting ahead of myself... All my thoughts are jumbling together. Organization is key.

These past 4 years have been hard. With struggle after struggle. I expected to make friends I would keep forever. And I have a handful of those, and for them I thank the Lord every day. I expected challenges, but more bright sides and lessons to learn from. But I have lost more relationships than I can count. I have opened myself to get hurt. I have trusted and been deceived. I have made myself available, but have been left feeling lonely.

I have played mom, nurse, friend, advisor, student, leader, sister, etc. etc. etc.. And I am so grateful for the opportunities to do so. I am truly humbled and blessed by every role I was placed to play. It equipped me for the future... which I have no idea what that may be.

I have allowed myself to believe the things people tell me without seeing the actions behind it. (This is the whole faith thing I talked about a few posts ago.) I am not someone who easily trusts, but I try to have faith. Faith that the Lord has a reason for the person, the situation, whatever it may be. And that encourages me to open my heart a little. And 9 times out of 10, I am reminded why I dont trust easily. 

I try to be dependable, trustworthy, faithful, encouraging, available, welcoming to the people around me. Given, I probably dont succeed. But I try my very best to be there when I am most needed. And as much as I love to be the person people confide in, I hate to be the person seeking after someone to listen to me. Call it a flaw, but I dont seek people out when Im in need. Ive never been in need but I have needed someone to confide in. 

I have never been in a place where I have felt more lonely. Given, it is not a consistent feeling... sometimes I feel very surrounded by love. But in the past 4 years, I have felt more alone than I have ever felt in my whole life. Maybe its my fault - for not seeking people out. 

I think just about every one of my closest friends here is either in a relationship, engaged, or married. Ever been the single friend? Welcome to my life. I dont want pity. Its not something I lose sleep over... haha as Im sitting here, unable to sleep at 1230am, talking about everyone being in a relationship... But really, Im ok. What makes my position harder, though, is being at a school that gives out a MRS degree along with your actual degree. Im not knocking anyone. Im happy for everyone who found their soulmate in college - given, my sister is one of them - but its often times a difficult place to be in.

Ive never been tested or pushed harder in school, in relationships, in new experiences... Ive been spent to my max. Many times. Luckily, I dont think too many people have seen me get to that point. I have felt like an absolute failure, where whatever I try, I cant seem to do well enough. (This is usually when I hit my max.)

And then I think of once Im out of this place in the next few weeks... what am I going to do?? Where will I be? And more thoughts cross my mind... (Actually, these arent nearly as stressful to me right now as you would assume. Im so ready to be done and home that I welcome these stresses with a kiss on both cheeks.)

I have no motivation to do anything. Its taking everything I have just to do my homework right now. My inspiration is drained. My desires are lacking. Im in for quite a wake up call....

What is even realistic for me?? What is possible for me?? School is so hard. My dream is to be a veterinarian, but I feel I might kill myself in the process with all the hard work. And whos to say how long itll take me to even get into school. Can my dream become a reality? Or is it something that will always be a great idea, but just not a great idea for me? 

What is in San Diego? What keeps me there? If my precious sister and brother in law move away, part of the reason why I love San Diego will disappear. Part of my heart will be gone. So is Oregon a place Im ready to consider? Jordanna and John are at such peace about that decision and I am so so grateful for that. I wish I had a little clarity in that area.

And then I think of all the blessings that surround me. Because I truly am blessed. And I dont want to get into a mind set of self pity or feeling sorry for myself. I am surrounded by so much I dont deserve. But reality caves in on me every time. And the reality is that Im graduating. Another friend told me shes engaged tonight. Reality just keeps coming. Keeps attacking.

What I realize most in this moment, is that in the past 4 years, at no point have I had anything figured out. At no point have I been in control. At no point have my plans worked out just as I wanted them to. Lesson? Uhh ya think?? Clearly I am not in control. And I can say this til Im blue in the face, and still try to hold a finger on everything in my life. In it all, God has taken care of me. I still dont understand why things have happened. Why certain storms have come my way. But Im still standing. I may be wavering... but Im standing, by the grace of God. And I guess that shall be what I cling to. What I depend on. That no matter what, the Lord will provide for me and protect me. 

Adventurous Fail

Tonight, I embarked on a daring adventure. It was one that has been a long time coming. Completely out of my comfort zone. Definitely something I would never attempt on my own. Something I am sure you will be shocked at. And, of course, in the midst of it all, I learned something about myself... as I usually do in such instances. But let me back up. Im getting ahead of myself and Im sure, close to losing my audience.

For about a year or more now, my friend has been trying to convince me and several of my other friends to go iceskating. Im sure youre already laughing. The story, my dear reader, has only just begun. Weve almost gone a few times, but it kept falling through. Well, this time he got me in the perfect spot where I had to say yes. And I had told him I would go with him at some point because he is so passionate about it and really wants people to experience it with him. So, tonight was the first night of our night class. Yes. This means I am halfway through my LAST semester as an undergraduate student!!! I have eight weeks of this night course, along with the rest of my classes before I get to march across the stage and receive my diploma!

But that all is beside the point right now. Last night my friend texted me asking if I wanted to go iceskating after our class tonight. There was a senior event where the first 150 seniors get to skate for free. I tried to get out of it, pointing out we would be late so we might not get in for free and that I wasnt a professional skater so I might not be the optimal choice. However my reasoning failed and his persistence prevailed. And tonight, as he walked into class, the first words out of his mouth were:

"Iceskating tonight!"

Its like those dreaded words. The sentence you know is going to be said but you dont want to hear it. Like, "its unrepairable." Or, from a different perspective, youre hoping whoever says the dreaded phrase will magically forget... even though you know they absolutely wont. So, yes. He remembered. And I was locked in. 

Mind you. I dont know how to ride a bike. I have never rollerbladed. Nor skated. I have gone iceskating once, but I dont remember how I did... Im assuming not well. And one of the people in my group fell and got her finger sliced open. That was my traumatizing experience of iceskating... I trip walking on an even path. I stumble over a rug daily. Coordination/balance are not my friends. I played a sport in the water for a reason. (Which became even more evident to me tonight.) 

But here we went. My opinion is that iceskating appears to be easy. When I watch other people skate so gracefully, I think shoot, I could do that. But luckily, I recognize it is not as easy as it looks. My friend said he wouldnt laugh at me, but I told him not to make that promise until were there. I also told him he had his work cut out with me if he really wanted me to go. Apparently, he was ready and willing to catch me if I fell and hold my hand to balance me. I could only pray hed follow through.

And so we arrive. Much to my disappointment, we got in for free, so we were strapped in to go. He showed me how to lace up my skates and gave me little pointers on what not to do as we headed to the ice... Consider this. If you havent been iceskating, this is how my friend comforted me as we walked into the place: "Its easy! Its like walking, but on knives." Um. How would walking on knives be easy??? In whos world does that make sense??

He stepped out onto the ice first and I followed. My first foot had barely landed on the ice and I immediately knew this was a terrible idea. I grabbed onto the side as my other foot joined my first foot. I knew my friend had skated before. He loves hockey. He loves skating. So, naturally, I expected him to do quite well. And he lived up to my expectations. I on the other hand, am not a natural. But I did live up to my expectations and probably far exceeded them in a failure type of way. I clung to the wall and inched my way along, also grabbing onto him. Not even halfway around, I fell. Watching his face as I went down was definitely one of the highlights of the night as I was holding on to him when it happened. Getting up though... well falling is the easy part. And it didnt even hurt. Standing back up takes some God-given talent. Talent that God felt I wouldnt need. I would agree with Him... except for this instance.

I finally made it around the rink once and decided it would be wise to take a break. My friend tried to encourage me to keep going. We agreed that if he would go do 3 laps on his own (without me holding him back) that I would do another one. So with a lot of persuading, he went out and did the smallest and fastest laps Ive ever seen, then came back to pick me up for the next set. So I set out again. This time I hung on to the wall more than him and made it without falling again. We started to go for a third, but then they turned around on us. That was even harder, trying to figure out how to go the other way. So I did about two and a half laps total. Then I called it cooked. 

My friend was so sweet as he really didnt want to leave me to skate. But I didnt want to skate and Im also one of those people where I know my limitations/strengths. And this was a huge limitation. Not something I could easily overcome. Definitely not in one night. But nonetheless, he let me hang onto him and each time he felt me lose my balance, he held on tighter. He encouraged me, telling me how great I was doing... as if I couldnt tell I was the only person on the wall... But I dont think I wouldve made it around once had it not been for him. I think he recognized what a struggle it was for me too, so I m sure he was trying to do everything possible to make it go more smoothly. 

In all, I walked out with a wet tush, a renewed appreciation for shoes and a sturdy ground, and a revelation about myself. Actually, a few of those. 

1. First things first. I cannot skate. The maneuvers are odd and not something my body is comfortable with. Iceskating, specifically, is one of those things where I dont know if Ill ever really get the hang of it... 

2. Id like to point out that Jesus walked on water. Ice is a form of water. There are certain things we arent supposed to do. Lets leave the walking on water - in all of its states - to Jesus.

3. I try to be a go-with-the-flow type of person. And I think generally, I do fairly well with making the best out of situations. But this was an eye opener. I am absolutely and completely 100% someone who has a comfort zone and doesnt deviate from it. I like to think there are certain things I would be willing to try... and Ill stick with that declaration. But then there are some things where I say "No way." And that is that. 

4. Im a little sad Im not more adventurous. I wish I was a little less fearful in that type of situation, but in the same instance, its not like Im going to be crossing frozen lakes on a daily basis in my life. So, Im ok with being defeated by the ice. But I pray that I have a more daring spirit with things Im not normally comfortable with.

5. You might have caught in 4 that I mentioned being fearful. That might have surprised you as that isnt a common word in my vocabulary. But I will be the first to admit. I was TERRIFIED! Dear goodness! I literally had memories of my life flash before my eyes. Im not someone who is scared often, but Im not afraid to proclaim that I was more than 'uneasy' with the experience.

6. I managed to laugh and smile. I managed to have a decent attitude. Sure I was pretty discouraged and not enjoying myself, but I feel like I couldve been a lot worse. I guess that could be a good thing. Even if Im absolutely terrible at something and no fun to the company Im with, I can at least provide laughter...

I think, in all, I realized I need to weigh out the pros and cons. The things that could go wrong or right. Ultimately, I couldve gotten hurt, sure. And knowing me - getting hurt would be breaking my femur or something ridiculous. But I think I wouldve been ok. And I say that now - safe and sound, sitting in my bed. In the moment - heeeeck no. Im gonna die. Thats the worst that could happen. At least thats what it feels like at the time. And its true. But thats when i decide if its worth the risk. Right now, I hold no regrets. Im alive, no scratches. Not even a dinged ego. I only feel bad I wasnt the amount of fun my friend wanted, but he said he had fun... 

I dont know if it was a positive experience or a negative one. It was a learning experience. And I think the main thing I realized is that Im not a fun, adventurous person. Sorry to my future husband, who Im sure will read all my blogs at some point in his life. (This is a good way to find out what hes getting into here...) 

If you are thinking of picking up iceskating soon, I hope you picked up some things. I hope you got a little incite. If theres one thing I can re-emphasize to you, it is: iceskating does not just happen like it does in the Mighty Ducks and in figureskating in the Olympics. Its hard. But from what Ive gathered from those around me, its worth it. I havent gotten to that point yet...