Braking with a Purpose

I dont understand the concept of traffic. I dont understand why you can get stuck in traffic for an hour to get somewhere that is a mere 20 minutes away. My philosophy is: as long as everyone continues to move and flow, there should be no reason for everything to clog up. There should be no reason to brake, praying your spedometer rises above 10 miles per hour. Keep moving and there should be no problem, right?? Right.

But of course. People introduce flaws into my philosophy. You have a wide variety of people on the road, all containing their own agendas. It would be fantastic if we all worked together, which is another soapbox speech I wont dive too far into at this moment. But I will touch on it by saying, we live in a world that has become dog-eat-dog. We are constantly competing against other people. We have to. Competing for a job. Competing for attention. Competing for the last cookie. Competing for a parking spot. At some point, we must realize that only when we work together will the world be a little easier to live in. When we help each other out, well become better able to achieve where we want to go. It only gets doubly difficult when youre striving after something and you have to worry about watching your back because someone is going for the same thing. Dont believe me? Ill give you an example. Black Friday. Why is it called Black Friday? Because it has become a day of darkness. Of pepper spray, muggings, tramplings, deaths... Why? Because people are competing for things - toys, electronics, clothes, the best sales...

And that was only a small portion of my idea on working together in the world. Back to traffic.

Ill only do a few of the groups on the road, since this list can get mildly long. First, you have the slow drivers. Those drivers who insist on jamming up the fast lane and the lane next to the fast lane. Who persuade themselves they are doing their civic duty by keeping people safe by refraining them from going above 55 miles per hour. After all, the "slow lane" on the right gets interrupted by merging traffic, and that just wont work.

Which brings me to the second type of drivers - the mergers. These drivers believe they are automatically entitled to a spot on the road. They believe it is your duty to adjust your speed to suit their merging needs. If you need to slow or speed up to avoid a collision with them, well clearly that is your problem, not theirs. In essence, shouldnt we be gracious hosts by welcoming them onto the road with an open spot in the lane??

Third, you have the oblivious drivers. Those drivers who dont pay any attention to the people around them. They assume that if they need to get into your lane, you will accommodate them. And when they dont use their blinker, well hel-lo you should know their plan of action and anticipate it. These people usually drive in the fast lane at a slower speed, then realize they need to exit the freeway, um NOW, and then cross 5 lanes of traffic. Youre upset with them?? Well, you should know their plan and accommodate them!

Fourth, you have the precautionary brakers. Those drivers who like to let you know their brakes work and want to give you a small light show... since youre obviously bored. Theyre trying to entertain you, but really, theyre only entertaining themselves. These drivers often see a brake light maybe miles ahead of them and begin to prepare for a full-on stop. Since when is being cautious a bad thing??

Fifth, you have the speed demons, also known as the idiots. These are the drivers who really should get pulled over for attempted manslaughter because it seems at if their purpose is to kill someone. But as they weave in and out of lanes, dodging those slow drivers, they hinder the flow of traffic by cutting people off, tailgating, etc.. Though, in actually, we should be moving for them. Their destination is undoubtedly more important than yours, thus everyone should be clearing a path for them.

Theres several more groups of drivers. Some begin to overlap. Typically, mergers become oblivious drivers. Slow drivers and oblivious drivers have a lot in common. We also have the distracted drivers - easily engrossed by texting or passing an accident, the foreigners - either from a different country or different state or different city and simply do not understand how things work where you are, the overcautious drivers - who do not know how to drive carefully in rain so they must crawl through puddles to be safe, and the list goes on.

I am convinced that these are the reasons for traffic. It is not that there are an abundant amount of people swarming the roads at a specific time. It is not because it is 5oclock or Thanksgiving break. It is because you have people who like to hold everyone else up. Because everyone is working on that persons clock. I understand if there is an accident and a few lanes are shut down. Given, it doesnt help the paramedics if everyone tries to see what happened, but I understand the need for braking in an accident situation. In intense weather conditions, obviously, some slowing is expected and necessary. There is a time to brake and a time to either coast or gas it.

In case you havent caught on, I have gotten stuck in some pretty heavy traffic on several different occasions lately. It is absolutely ridiculous. Luckily, I am not the worst person in the world when dealing with traffic. Ive learned that driving along the side of the road is not the answer, so I must wait for my time to accelerate and leave the braking behind me. In those times, I recommend turning up the radio and singing along with the tunes. It is relaxing and distracting - not in the sense that you become a distracted driver, but in the sense that your mind isnt completely consumed with the frustrations of traffic.

Then there are the times, where youre flowin along with everyone else. Same speeds, not too slow, not too fast. All in harmony. Its pure bliss. You cant help but smile to yourself because the drive is just going that well. Then you see them. They start out in the distance, but their brightness is unmistakable. Brakes. Of course someone had to ruin it. And like the plague, its contagious and spreads. Before you know it, you have your foot on that pedal causing you to slow, as well. Throwing up your fists you plead "WHY?!" Before you know it, your question is faithfully answered.

And then you are so grateful someone initiated the braking sequence after spotting that dark squad car waiting for someone to come speeding around the bend you just came from.

Dress for Success

This past Friday night, I got dressed up. Yup. Me. Miss pjs all day, never wears make-up, barely brushes her hair, all about the comfort. Got all fancy. Why, might you ask? Well Friday was CBUs Christmas dinner banquet (kinda equivalent to a prom, but without the fun of dancing). And I got asked for the first time. Hes just a friend - dont even give it a second thought. Actually, I got asked twice. Its a mildly tragic story, but chances are itll be another blog to share.

So, I went with my friend, Kyle. Who, is actually my friend, Kaihla, dates friend. Confused? My friend, Kaihla went with Michael. Michaels friend is Kyle. Now that were all caught up, Ill move on. I had searched (at a very unaggressive rate) during Thanksgiving break to find a dress to wear to the event. Luckily, my stress was there, but minimal because we are just friends. I decided to wear a dress I had worn to a Winter Formal in high school. Thankfully, it still fit and is a gorgeous dress. I planned to wear my sparkly black flip flops and large black coat, since I knew it would be a very cold night.

To be honest, I was excited to go when I was asked, but that excitement kinda dissipated. I become stressed in these situations. I try to remember that its fun in the moment - prepping for everything and I usually enjoy the event I head to. But nevertheless, as I came back to school last Sunday night, I just couldnt amp myself up for Yule on Friday night.

Then, my week turn an interesting turn (not in a good way). It wasnt particularly busy. In fact, I completed all the things I needed to and wasnt stressed about school things hardly at all. But, if you read a past blog, youll see why I just was not feeling a celebratory, elegant event. I was in a very solemn mood all week, not wanting to talk to anyone or be around anyone. When Friday rolled around, I really was not excited for Yule at all. I was wishing I hadnt been asked. I was wishing I didnt have to get all dressed up. I was wishing I could throw on my sweatshirt and sweatpants and head home for the weekend.

In those moments, I grow so grateful for my mom and my sister. Who have very different ways of encouraging me, but both relay that they understand. My mom understood my mood and matched it out of her own empathy, telling me I would have fun and everything will be great. My sister understood my hesitation during prepping and tried to get me excited about everything, adding hundreds of exclamation points in her texts she was sending. Despite my desire to wave my friends off and climb into bed, having my 2 other musketeers texting me support provided a needed push.

Kaihla, Kayla, and I prepared. Doing our hair, make-up, and whatever else has to be done for these events. Kayla left first with her date - a true symbol of who "Lady in Red" was written for. Kaihla and I were running a little behind, but finally got our dresses on and headed out the door (only 25 minutes past the original plan of departure). I think Kyle was a little surprised at me. After all, we had hung out several times in the beginning of the week and before break and my attire consisted of jeans or pajamas, no makeup, and hair thrown up. Not my best looks, but Ive never been someone who has a burning desire to impress everyone I meet with my high-class fashion sense and easily-hidden good looks. Maybe its a good thing... Its mostly not, but I just dont really care. Anyways, I think Kyle was a little surprised to see how I clean up... which, I was too with the way I was feeling.

We headed to the Grand Californian for our event. Made it with plenty of time. Found our table. Connected with a few friends. [Actually Kyle connected with half the crowd... apparently my date is quite the social butterfly, which isnt really a secret to me.] Ate a pretty delicious dinner. Listened to a hilarious comedian. Walked around Downtown Disney a little. Headed back to school, with a pitstop at Cheesecake Factory for coffees/milkshakes/cheesecake. Then headed back to our apartment.

from left to right: Sam (Kaylas date), Kayla (my roommate), Kyle (my date), me, Kaihla, Michael (Kaihlas date)

Sorry if the description of the night was brief and boring... it really was fun. Of course, I would have rathered a DJ than a comedian, but apparently Baptists do not dance. So, that was just out of the question. But in all, I had a good time. Kyle was a very sweet date. We had a real good time. I loved seeing a few of my friends. The comedian provided some many needed laughs. It really was a good time!

But, boy, I was exhausted and ready for bed when I got back to my apartment. Sleeping until almost 11 the next day proved how true that was! (I may put a few more pictures up... seeing as I was not the camera possessor, Im stealing these. Muhaha!)

It is Well.... For Now.

One week down, 2-ish to go until Christmas break. And yes, its CHRISTMAS break, not "winter break." Because its centering on Christmas. Though I was expecting these weeks to be fairly simple, this past week packed a bit of a punch. It had good times, but was filled with grief (which is all stated in a past post, if youre curious). But even in all of it, my heart has swelled with grief and sadness, yet humbleness and gratefulness.

Im grateful for a grandmother, my own little prayer warrior, who listens to me and shares about herself with me. Who has an open door policy, embracing me (and my dog) whenever we visit. Who helps me with a homework assignment, trying her hardest to give me the best answers possible (I wasnt cheating - I was interviewing her, promise!). Who loves me for everything I am and is always praying for me and rooting for me.

Im thankful for a roommate, who helped me with my project/presentation with a smile. Who was excited to see me when I picked her up from the airport. Who has been bubbling over, in excitement, to tell me things. Who inquires about me and gets me.

For a friend who loves me and understands my not-always-needing-to-talk aspect. Who has stuck by my side this past week, despite my solemn mood. Who expresses her own gratefulness for me and love for me.

For a mom and sister (and other friends) who support me and check on me when they realize I am having a hard week. Who understand me and where Im coming from. Who encourage me and send me messages to get me excited for things. (Ill explain that in my next blog... I decided I wanted to split up the news.)

For finishing a project with ease and presenting it without difficulty. For a professor who accepted my rough draft of a project as my final draft because, well, it was just that good. Haha! For a professor who has decided to give our final before finals week... which is pure amazingness. For a professor who cancelled class and, therefore, cancelled part of our final.

For having a lazy day today. Where I get to stay in my pajamas all day, not doing anything. Literally, nothing. Because everything is done and turned in... except for my finals.

Despite a hard week, I cant help but thank the Lord for what he has given me. In this moment, I just cant help but be grateful. In this moment, it is well with my soul.

My Mascara is - apparently - NOT Waterproof

In case you ignored context behind the title, I will tell you: you probably will cry in this. If you have a heart. Which, of my readers, I am the one without a heart and I have been crying most of the afternoon, so you better grab the tissues if you really want to read this.

I have a professor here (well, I have several professors here) who I adore. This professor is my favorite. I have had him for three classes. Freshman year, I had him for my first class. Literally, my first class of my college career - Anatomy and Physiology. One of the hardest classes Ive taken. Partly cuz it was at 7am, partly cuz it was a very tedious class, partly cuz I was a freshman and the college thing was new to me, and partly cuz my professor was a very hard one. His tests were killer. The class was huge, so he couldnt get to know each student individually. But he prayed before every class. He had an open door policy and was willing to help his students if they showed they wanted it. He would share about his family, showing us how much he loved them.

I distinctly remember one day, he was in the middle of teaching and he stopped. He was obviously a little distracted and he decided to share why. His son, Harrison, had had a grand mal seizure just the night before. He wanted to stop to pray for his son and asked us to join him in it. The concern on his face was evident, as Im sure Im not the only one who prayed for his son after leaving the room.

The second half of the next semester, I had General Biology with him and I got to really know him. He shared he had wanted to be a veterinarian originally. We bonded over that. Hes the kinda professor who stops lecture to ask what type of lollipop I had in my mouth. I adore him. Hes hilarious and yet, the thing I admire most about him is the way he talks about his family and the way he loves the Lord. And in it all, he is the most humble man I know. Sure he jokes around, but he is truly the most respectable and honorable, most inspirational professor Ive ever had. He cared about his students and will do anything to help them succeed.

The next year, I had him for another class and it was the same way. I was given another opportunity to get to know him better. Again, one of the toughest classes Ive taken, but I adored him as a professor and man of God too much to complain or drop it. One weekend, I decided I needed to just go home because I felt as if the world was collapsing on me. I emailed my professors to tell them I would miss class on Monday. On Tuesday, in lab, he came to talk to me, asking how I was doing and providing some words of encouragement... My only professor who extended a hand like that.

I go in to talk to him, seek out his advice, see how he is doing, etc. I just adore Dr. Prins. He knows so much about the "excitement" of my life. And he advises me based on his own experiences. He cracks me up, but I find his wise and always inciteful.

Yesterday afternoon, I received notice that last night, Dr. Prins' son, Harrison, has gone home to be with his Creator. Ive met Harrison a few times and his heart is as big as the ocean. He was full of the joy of the Lord and only wanted to share it with the people surrounding him. He genuinely cared about people, even if he had just met you. He was definitely his fathers son.

My heart just broke for my professor and his family, who are some of the kindest and welcoming people I have ever met. I am confident Harrison is dancing with the Lord, all his difficulties are gone. But it doesnt always help in the moment with grief.

Last night, I caught him on facebook (yes, were friends, which came about out of a joke). I told him I was praying for him and his family, not expecting him to respond. But he did. He continues to praise the Lord for the things he knows to be true in his life... even in the midst of losing his child. At one point, he told me he hoped his other boys marry caring girls like me. My heart swelled. I just hope that one day, my father in law is like Dr. Prins.

Pray for this family. They need the prayers and the support. They know Harrison is with the Lord, which does help, but does not diminish the pain. Thank you for your prayers and for making it through this post... Hopefully it wasnt too tough for you to read.

A Day to Give Thanks

Today is Thanksgiving. I think its sad that we always give thanks on this day... as if it isnt as important to give thanks on every other day of the year. Im guilty of it too. Im trying to be better. Trying to take each day as a gift, give it to the Lord, and praise Him and thank Him for the things/people/situations He has blessed me with in life. I am so undeserving, and yet, He chooses to love me and provide for me on a daily basis. I think the thing is, though, that this day gives us the opportunity to voice our thankfulness more than most others... similar to a birthday in that its a day dedicated to a person - a day to celebrate that person and let them know how much they mean to us.

Anyways. Tangent over. Today is a day to give thanks. I posted a few weeks ago about how my heart has been in "thankful mode." It still is. This week has provided such an amazing reminder of all the incredible things I have been blessed with. It has been a busy week, but it has been a wonderful week.

Because today is thanksgiving, and I am continuously humbled and grateful, I figured I would follow my sisters lead with her blog posts. On this day [and every day] I am thankful for:

A Savior who loves me despite my failures, weaknesses, doubts... the list goes on. Who protects and provides for me. Who brings me through the toughest of struggles. Who has a plan for me, even if I know know it nor understand it right now. Who loves me unconditionally despite my undeserving it.

A mom who gets me. Who takes me shooting. Who laughs and dances with me. Who supports and encourages me. Who loves me always and forever.

A Steve who has given our family a life we never thought wed have. Who stands by me. Who teases me and accepts my teasing with grace. Who loves me.

A sister who was almost taken from me. Who finds joys in the simple things and encourages me to do the same. Who supports me. Who laughs with me. Who loves me for who I am.

A brother-in-law who loves my sister and takes care of her. Who gets excited to see me and spend time with our family. Who loves me.

A whole more of family who I can have a good time with. Who support me. Who is big and loud and overwhelming at times, but I wouldnt have it any other way. Who loves me.

A dog who has the sweetest heart. Who gets excited when I walk in the door and wags his tail when I kneel down to kiss him. Cats who are cute and cuddly. Animals who love me.

Friends who understand and accept me. Who encourage and listen to me. Who seek me out for help. Who love me without trying to change me.

A house - home - to return to. Which always has a warm feeling. Which is always inviting and welcoming. With a comfy bed and a relaxing atmosphere.

A car to get me to the places I need to go. Which also provides a comfort zone.

An opportunity to go to school which not everyone has. Parents who are able to help with that unfortunate cost. Professors who always have an open door, kind words, and care about where Im going and what Im doing.

Waking up each morning. Falling asleep each night. Second chances. Fresh starts. Thoughtful people. Justice. Animals. Armed forces. Great movies. Songs with a good beat. Rain. Sunshine. Fire (in a fireplace). Delicious food. Heroes to look up to.

Just to name a few things Im thankful for on this Thanksgiving.

"I will give thanks to the Lord because of His righteousness;

I will sing the praises of the name of the Lord Most High." - Psalm 7:17

Criteria for my Husband

Last night I got to talk to my mom. We updated each other on what has been going on in each others lives, since we both are so busy and only get to talk at night, we dont get to talk nearly as often as wed like. So our conversations consist of the weeks events, all the way to what were doing at that moment. I always ask about our animals, and she always has stories to tell me about them.

In case youre just tuning in to my blog, and dont know anything about me, let me tell you something that you might not guess. I know this will be a shocker - especially with my pawprints background - but I love animals. My animals are my life. My family is centered on my animals. We are always concerned with what theyre doing, how theyre doing, where they are, what they need, loving on them, spoiling them... They are our lives.

Especially Sammy. Our sweet doofy Newfy. Ever since my baby Casey passed, Sammy has become our main priority. We take him on errands with us, we make him follow us (though he does that on his own nowadays), we sit with him while he eats, we give him treats as we make them for ourselves.... Seriously, this dog is pretty spoiled. But hes a big boy - no little man syndrome, thinking hes better than all the other dogs at the beach. Hes a sweet, sweet dog.

Yesterday, my mom was telling me how he had decided not to eat in the morning. Unfortunately, she had to go to work, so she had asked Steve to feed him before he headed out to work. Apparently, later on in the day, my mom received a message from Steve saying he had gone into work at noon instead of the morning because Sammy wasnt eating his breakfast and seemed a little down. So he decided it would be best if he hung out with our dog for the morning. Im sure this was sure a treat for Sammy as he loves Steve. So any time spent with him cheers that ol boy right up! My mom said Sam seemed more chipper when she checked on him at her lunch hour.

As she told me what Steve did and how he stayed home from work a little longer than he was supposed to - for our dog - two things came to mind. Well, three, I suppose.

One. I am so glad Steve has a job that allows him to do something like that. Its not like he was just handed this job either, he has worked for it and he continues to be the hardest working guy at that place. If he wants to take a day off to play tennis or go in late to take care of our dog, he deserves to be able to!

Second. I am so thankful for Steve and what he brings to our family. Without him, we wouldnt have so much of what we do and we wouldnt have the life we have. We would miss out on so much.

Third. I want my husband to be like that. I want to marry a guy who will put something on hold to care for our "children." And Im sure, there will be times in my household where the animals may get priority over everyone else. But I want my husband to have a caring heart like Steves, where he recognizes the importance of family and the significance of my animals. Where he decides work can wait a little while to make sure our dog is feeling ok and isnt depressed or anything. I want my husband to be like that.

Be Still

Sometimes, I think it is so interesting to read my sisters blog. Well, wait, I am always interested in reading my sisters blog. But sometimes it is more interesting because the things that she says, or the topic that shes writing about, is one that has been heavy on my own heart. Though we dont always see things the same way, we are passionate about similar things. For instance, for February, she blogged about the things she loves. For February, I blogged about why I hated February. Like I said, were passionate about similar things, but we have different takes on them in many cases.

About a week ago, I started writing a post, but the words werent flowing well, so I gave up on it. The next day, I gave you the pleasure of reading about my lip-blowout. I revert to humor when I cant think of something to write about or if the words just arent going well. My sister reverts to the little reminders of Gods blessings in her life when she cant think of anything to write about - though, in most cases, she truly is sharing the joys she gets out of life and the things the Lord has blessed her with.

Well. This wasnt meant to be a comparison of blogs. Im sure if you read my blog, you are well versed with hers. Recently, as in yesterday, she posted giving thanks. Well, the post I was working on a weekish ago, was about that exact topic. She took a bit of a different stance on it, but I was generally typing with the same idea.

Lately, I have been in a grateful mode. I should be way more often than I am. Dont get me wrong, I recognize what I have and how blessed I am. But I am not always as thankful as I should be. Its easy to get wrapped up in whats happening and the problems that surround me. Its easy to forget how much I have to be thankful for.

A few weeks ago, I decided to skip class to go to chapel. I was glad I did. It was Seek Week and the theme was Be Still. Listen to God and recognize His blessings. So we spent several minutes in prayer with our great Creator. I could not bring myself to ask for anything, but to just thank Him for all He has given me. One of the first blessings that came to my mind was my mom. She always does. Unexpectedly, I began to cry. I have such an admiration and understanding and respect for my mother. Often times, I really dont know what I would do without her love and support. I believe God knew exactly what He was doing when He "assigned" me to her. I may be a handful in most stories we have, but there is no other mother who would be a better fit for me. She is exactly what I need. We were perfectly paired.

My heart was so overwhelmed with gratitude. I continued on with the rest of my family. I cannot even begin to describe how blessed I am with my family. The way they love me and offer their protection and constant support and encouragement. I think if youre reading my blog, you know me well enough to know my love and devotion to my family. So I wont go into explicit detail. I couldnt even go nearly as far as I wanted to in my talk with the Lord because our time was up. But since then I have been trying to have a spirit of humility and gratefulness.

Several months ago, I read something. It was a bit of a challenge. "What if tomorrow you woke up and only had the things you thanked God for today?" I want to be someone who never forgets what she has. I want to be someone who never misses the chance to tell someone how much they mean to me. I want to be someone who is constantly praising God for His awesome works. I want to be someone who is expressing only love to those around me.

Realistically, I wont be this person all the time. I can only try to be that person. I will fail. But I want to try. I know at any time, everything Ive come to know and love and become comfortable with, can be taken from me. In this time, I have become so overwhelmed with a grateful spirit, humbled by how much I have been privileged with in life. I will try to stick with that.

A NEW Way of "Plumping"

I have a lot of random addictions. Well, I suppose addictions would be a bad word. I have a lot of interests. I love nail polish and painting my nails. I love highlighters and sharpies (no doubt, a trait that is attributed to my sister). I love make up - eye shadows mainly. And fun lip gloss. (And I could go on with my loves, but lip gloss just brought us to the story.)

Several weeks ago, my friends and I made 3 Sephora runs in one week. Im not exaggerating. None of them were for my own intentions. But let me repeat myself - we went to Se-phor-a. You cant walk out empty-handed. The first trip, I walked out with several eyeshadows. And when I checked out, the girl ringing me up was telling me about this "lip plumper" they just got in the store and all of the girls were trying it and saying how it made their lips tingly. OF course, I was intrigued. "What is it??" She runs to grab it and loads it on my lips. Within a few seconds, my lips feel like theyre being electrified! Sounds odd and uncomfortable. And it kinda was. It was a very strange feeling. But I liked the glossy look it gave my lips. But I walked out of the store without it.

We had to go back to Sephora not 2 days later for something else and I decided to find out what it was. I found it and was, once again, fairly intrigued by it. But my self control overcame me and I walked out without it, yet again. We went BACK another few days later and I finally decided I had to go for it. I mean, the signs were flashin! So I bought it. And Ive been pretty happy with my purchase! Id say it was worth the money - which I wasnt expecting it to be, quite honestly.

A week or so after this Sephora event, my friend, Kaihla and I made another trip to the mall. This time our destination was Mac. Yes, it seems we are similar in our weaknesses of purchases. So, as we walked through the mall, we spotted a small beauty with a sign advertising OPI nail polish colors out front. We decided we HAD to investigate their options. So we walked in the store.

We discovered a vast array of options, which greatly excited us. We also came across various makeup stations and immediately decided to have some fun. I found a lip plumper, which smelled like strawberries! And of course I had to try it! Also, figuring I knew what it would feel like - you know, since Im a pro at lip plumpers and everything at thing point. I mean - Id had mine for a good week at this point! I knew what I was doing. So I put some on.

Obviously, my lips did not approve of my brains decision to test the product.Within a minute, they felt a fiery vengeance upon them. Now because I have so much experience with lip plumpers, I knew this reaction was not a normal one. I quickly decided it would be best if I took off the plumper. However, the damage had already been done and I felt, helplessly, my lips burn as if i had placed them on the sun itself. I tried to furiously fan them with my hands, but they continued to burn. I chose to ignore it since we had a mission to accomplish. We moved on to the Mac store.

Upon our arrival, someone helped Kaihla find a lipstick she was searching for. I stuck by her for moral support as she made a difficult decision between a few types. After applying one, she turned to me to ask my opinion and gasped, "Oh. My. Gosh.... Carly, are you... are you ok???" I looked at her puzzled and responded quite honestly, "Well, my lips are on fire but otherwise, yes Im fine. Why?"

She continued to let her jaw stay dropped as she braced me for the next words she would divulge. "Your lips... are HUGE." I searched for a mirror, which luckily was close, since after all - we were in a makeup store. Sure enough, my lips were about five times the size of normal, bright read, and looked very irritated. And all this happens... in the middle of Mac.

I did my best to kinda cover them up so I didnt get a lot of looks and attention... which that could just be awkward and weird. We finished up our trip and headed for the car. Since I had never experienced an allergic reaction before, I was a little panicked. I felt the burning subsiding, ever so slightly and Kaihla tried to reassure me they were going down. Each time I passed a mirror, I managed a sneak look... they were not going down. But I appreciated her sweet attempts to calm me. She was even so thoughtful as to mention the situation reminded her of a similar one in the movie Hitch. If you havent seen it - look it up. There is a scene where Will Smith has an allergic reaction to shellfish and his face balloons up. Well, this was similar to me - without ALL of the face.

I decided it would be wise to stop and grab a drink somewhere, then held it to my puckered lips as I drove. The coldness definitely eased the burning sensation. Then I took a Benedryl once I got back to my apartment. They calmed down and went back to their normal size fairly quickly once I began to treat them. It was quite the odd and mildly terrifying experience. I looked up the ingredients and could barely pronounce most of them. So I have no idea which caused it. I intend to write the company to see if one of the ingredients seems to cause reactions in people. It would be nice to know what Im allergic to. Haha! Kinda strange saying that, but its kinda cool too. Im actually allergic to something. I thought I was immune to all. My Kryptonite has been discovered.... Well. Almost.

Grateful for the BIG Things

I didnt expect this week to be a difficult one. I didnt expect this day to bring me to tears. Actually. On the contrary, I expected this week to be very busy, but fun and fast... leading me straight into the weekend with my birthday. But it has been fairly difficult, extremely busy, stressful, and crawling by. But, of course, its been manageable. I actually expected today to be a really easy, fast, fun day. Yes, theres homework, but I had one class and it had a test. Within 15 minutes, I was out of there and still have my whole day to look forward to. But this day packed an unexpected punch. Not a bad one, by all means... although I guess a punch cant really be taken in a good way... Let me rephrase. This day provided an unexpected... unexpected. There. Thats the best I got.

I found out the other day that my sister would be having surgery today to take out a tooth that had 'resorbed.' Meaning it died. Given, my sisters teeth are cleaner than mine. But it stems from an accident we were both in 12 years ago. An accident that truly changed our lives. Shaped us into the people we are today. Gave us an understanding and gratefulness for life. We never thought wed be returned to the accident in such a way that Jordanna has faced. The way Im laying this out may be confusing. But if you read my blog, Im sure you know all about what Im talking about.

Jordanna was 12. She had several injuries that no doctor expected her to make a full recovery from. Let me make that simpler. Doctors were shocked she survived. My sister nearly died. One of the injuries was a broken jaw, which led to the more recent discovery of a resorbed tooth (apparently, this can take years to happen/discover, which is exactly what happened). Anyways. Today she had the tooth removed and will have an implant put in tomorrow. It will appear as if nothing happened. But she knows what happened. And so do we.

I called her this morning to tell her I was praying for her, but I missed her. I knew this was a big deal, but I dont think the full extent was really understood... until I read her blog.

I am able to recall aspects of our accident the best. I typically can do it matter-of-factly, rather than becoming emotional. Mind you, I was 8 at the time of it and therefore didnt understand the complete gravity of everything. But her interpretation of it in her blog brought me to tears. I know how blessed I am that the Lord decided it was not her time. I was reminded of that again today. In a new way.

Today, I was reminded of the days in the hospital, seeing her in her coma. Seeing her in therapy. Seeing her want to talk so bad that she broke the bands keeping her jaw shut after surgery. Seeing her face obstacle after obstacle, yet putting a smile on and gaining determination to prove everyone expecting the worst wrong. She was so inspiring. That hasnt changed.

Today, I was reminded how close I came to becoming an only child. Some people want that. I dont. Especially with the sister I have. I wouldnt give her up for anything. I had glimpses of what my life wouldve been like without her. It would be so dull. It would be so depressing. There would be no spurts of joy she brings. No extra brightness in a room when she walks in. No love and understanding she provides. It would be so hard.

But today, I dont have to think that way. I dont have to wonder what she would be doing today and what type of impact she would have on people. (My sister is the type of person who really touches people and can make a difference.) I dont have to wonder who she would become. I dont have to miss her.

I get to be grateful I have her. I get to thank the Lord He didnt take her. Her time wasnt finished. I get to smile remembering something she said the other day. I get to be excited to see her this weekend. I get to talk to her husband and know her surgery went well. I get to feel so incredibly blessed to have my sister.

Today is a day of remembering. It is a day that couldve been a terrible day. It could be filled with tears of asking why and what-if. But its not. It is filled with tears of joy, knowing she is alive and well. It is filled with an appreciation for her. It is filled with feeling blessed.

A Dogs Perspective

In case you dont know me, I am an animal lover. And I am especially in love with my animals. I always hang out with my pups more than anyone else when Im around home because I just adore them. (Not that I dont love everyone else... but I spend most of my time at home and, in turn, with my pups.) Anyways. Several months ago, we said goodbye to my Casey girl so this summer Sammy has become the ultimate family dog.

He has become so much like Casey in the sense that he doesnt want to be alone and he wants to know where everyone is. He follows us around the house. He comes in my room and lies on my floor in the mornings until Im ready to get up. He is constantly looking for attention and returns the love to us. Hes definitely my boy and my bud. Weve been hanging out a lot this summer. He is our main concern. We want Sammy to be happy and with company as much as possible. Obviously, our animals are our lives.

I have always wished I was Dr Doolittle and was able to talk with animals. I desperately want to know what theyre thinking. I wish Sam could talk to us. We try to talk for him... I wonder how that makes him feel. I firmly believe that animals can teach us so much.

They teach us how to treat Gods creations. They teach us unconditional love - where a dog could get in trouble for chewing a shoe, but still want to snuggle with you at night - always desiring love and affection and always willing to give it. They have genuine adoration for their owners. Just as a few things one could learn from an animal.

As I spent time with Sam this summer, I grew to appreciate things in a new way. All of my animals have had this affect on me with different things, but as Sam being an only dog (which is rare for this family) he really opened my eyes. He has a curious mind and an appreciative spirit. Even if hes not excited to get in the car for an adventure, Im sure he never regrets getting in. At least, he always seems interested in the passing scenery. There were several incidences this summer that made me so grateful for him and the way he has responded to situations.

My grandma lives up in the hills, not too far away. Shes surrounded by horse people - corrals, horses, trails, etc.. I love it. This summer, when going to visit her, weve been trying to take Sam along. The first time we took him and he was able to smell the horses, he was instantly curious. When he got out of the car, he was so overwhelmed with the smells and scenery. He smelled bush after bush, tried following along a trail, chased a stray orange down the hill, looked over the canyon. He was so excited!

Each time we pass the horses on the way to my grandmas, we try to get him to look at them. He is so amused and interested to figure out what they are. They are bigger than him and just mysterious creatures to him. You can tell he just wants to go investigate... clearly we cant really let him do that... But it is so funny to watch his ears perk up, eyes fixated on the large animals as they walk along the property line. Though I know what they are and, yes I am fascinated by them still, he is just so curious as to what they are. I wish I could see through his eyes at what they look like to him.

On several occasions, we took him to the beach... something we couldnt do with Casey due to her injuring herself at previous visits. Sammy would miss out on beach trips too, simply because they were a pair. They liked to be together. It wasnt as fun with only one. But Sammy has done so well with every trip to the beach weve taken! He was like the old grumpy grandpa who would grumble at his grandchildren to go play away from him. But not anymore! Especially at the beach. As soon as he smells that water as we get closer in our drive, he becomes a puppy. Nose in the air, stands to his feet, tail wagging, head out the window, impatience setting in. He runs all the way to the water and dives in. Theres

no testing the water temperature with his paws. Its all or nothin! He makes friends with just about every dog he sees. He fetches balls, but drops them and allows the rightful dog to reclaim ownership. He plays with puppies - puppies! Who are clearly way younger

and more agile than him! But he keeps up! He chases them and romps with them! He has slobber all over his face, making other owners smile and push him away, but he is happy and when Sammy is happy, we are happy. His happiness is contagious. But see. I hate the beach. I hate the sand getting everywhere and the cold salty water. I really dont choose to go to the beach often. But Sammy makes me realize how much I take it for granted. The fact that its not a far drive to enjoy. Its a beautiful creation to just look at. Sam is an only dog, but you wouldnt know he had a care in the world when hes at the beach.

Its so refreshing to watch him in all different types of situations. Its like watching a toddler experience things for the first time. It makes you realize how truly blessed we are with the things around us. Even in the morning time (which I hate mornings) he has been waking me up with standing by my bed, waiting for me to acknowledge him. I never get irritated with this type of wake up call. Hes so sweet about it, just wanting to say good morning.

I have always been grateful for the ability to have animals in my life. Yet again, I find myself feeling blessed and thankful for the lessons a dog can teach me.

Standing Still

That time is coming again... the dreaded time of packing up the things I cant live without, loading our cars to a should-be-illegal-limit, trekking (in cars, of course) up I-15, moving all my necessities into my new temporary living arrangement, and finally going to my classes. Yes. It is almost time for school - again. For the 16th time in my life, I will have a first day of school.

Every year I start school - I dread it. Im sure youre thinking ya Carly, everyone dreads it. But I dont think you know the extent that I truly hate school. I wont go into it. But I will say that this year, I am even more dreading it than usual. Im sure its contributing factors, not solely a class thing. Nevertheless, the day that I move back to school is in no way going to be an easy one.

Everyone around me is moving forward in their lives. Getting jobs. Meeting their "other half." Searching for their own places. Moving out of their parents house. Creating lasting careers. Getting married. Building their own lives. Being completely and entirely dependent on themselves. And its what they are striving for. So each of my friends who is seeking after their desires - I am genuinely happy for them. Im happy if they are happy. And most of them are very happy with where things are going and excited to see how things turn out. People are constantly moving around me; constantly changing and chasing after what they want. It really is a thrilling experience. However, in the midst of all this, I feel as if I am standing still, watching the movements around me, but not stepping anywhere.

The only thing I have in that list is a job. And its not a job I want to have forever. But I dont live on my own. Im not searching for an apartment to move into once I graduate. Im not planning on getting married any time soon. I dont have any intention to move out of my parents house until I feel comfortable enough to be on my own. Of course, it isnt like I would be dependent on them as my life source: I would get a job, try to create a career, save money to potentially move out and yada yada. But it isnt in my realm of sight right at this moment. I just want to finish this ridiculous thing called school... And I really dont totally know how this year is going to pan out... I have about 100 things I need to do and not nearly enough time or space for it all. But keeping the thinking to when Im done - Im not excited to figure out what to do or where to go.

Dont get me wrong. Standing still while everyone is hustling and bustling around me seems depressing, but I really am ok. I am satisfied with where Im at. I love knowing I always have a home to come back to and parents who will always love and encourage me - in whatever I want to do. I dont know when Ill get married, and of course I feel as if it would be easier to have a partner to figure out what to do, but for now Im trusting in the Lord with whatever comes with that. What else can I do?

The only thing that makes me nervous is my career. I just want to be in it already. I want to be doing something that I love and something that I can best utilize the abilities I have been given. I am at a point where I really dont know what I should do and where I should go. That is an absolutely terrifying place to me. It isnt a place Im in frequently and when Im in it, its frightening. Not only that, but I dont have a desire to chase after anything anymore. I feel like Ive been chasing after a specific career for so long, that Im just pooped out. I want it. I just have no desire left in me to chase after it. To do what I need to to get there. I just want to be there. I just dont have that push Ive always had. It sounds ridiculous. It sounds confusing. Its kinda how I feel about it all right now.

Despite all this confusion and... everything I really am okay. I know I said that already. But its true. Im trying to become the person Im called to be. Im trying to find positives within the negatives. Im trying to surrender my worries, fears, stresses, frustrations, desires/non-desires(??) to the Lord because all I can do with them is worry and stress. Not that this is the most simple thing to do - after all I do have control issues - but the fact that I am satisfied with where I am and Im not scratching at the walls to get out (this may change when I move back to school) tells me I am experiencing some type of peace. Though I havent put my finger on what it is regarding - the future, the past - or what, I believe it is from the Lord. Because he loves me and cares about me and has a plan for my life. So, though Im concerned about what Im going to do and where Im going to go and Im incredibly apprehensive about moving back to school, Im okay.

Im dealing. Im trusting.

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." - Proverbs 16:3

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." - Proverbs 16:9

Retraction

I feel as if I must write a retraction for my last post (dated yesterday night). Upon a second glance over, I realized a reader could easily take it as if my mother is a terrible parent. But really it is quite the contrary. Scroll down to Fifty is Freedom and youll see all the amazing things about my mom and see why I love her and we get along so well.

We find those stories hilarious. It may come off that I was neglected in my sufferings, but really, it was quite the opposite. When we reflect on these stories, we laugh hysterically. We can share our vantage points with each other and others and it tends to make the story that much more pleasurable.

Really, my mom is a fantastic mom. Shes done nothing but love me and support me my whole life....

And laugh at me when I fall.

Mehehehe!!! ;)

The Girl who NEVER cried "Wolf!!!"

If you dont know me very well, then why the heck are you reading my blog?? How did you get here?? Possibly a link from my sisters blog. But no really, if you dont know me very well, let me give you a little incite. I am a joker. I am constantly horsing around, teasing, cracking jokes... of course I never do it with the intention to hurt someone - or myself. Its all in lighthearted fun. More than anything, I crack jokes and tend to be mildly witty in comebacks. So its more that I am a verbal jokester.

I dont usually pretend to fall - all the way to the ground - then pretend to be hurt. Depending on the situation, I dont think thats funny. Basically, I dont joke about injury (unless its a 3 second deal or something minor).

However, in all the years I have been this way - almost 21, to be exact - my mother tends to think my joking personality stretches further than it does. We have several stories that involve me falling, causing injury to myself, sometimes crying, and my mom not believing me in the process. Slightly confused? Ill make it simpler. I fall. She thinks Im kidding. Shell say it makes her sound terrible, but in her defense, I was like a little boy in my childhood... kinda wreckless. And I can see why she would assume Im faking, but after so many falling stories, you would think shed catch on that I really did fall or whatever the case may be...

Last night we were reminded of all the stories we have that we can now laugh about, but may not have been so funny at the time. As we shared our stories with my grandma and aunts, we found ourselves with tears streaming down our faces, squeezing our legs together, folding over, holding our stomachs, slapping our knees.... ya, we have some pretttttty hilarious stories to share! Yet in the same instance, our audience was definitely entertained by us, but I feel they lacked the understanding and appreciation we had. Not that they werent great - they laughed along, but I think they more thought we were insane than simply hilarious. Or maybe they were giving my mom those looks.... after all, Im the innocent victim in all these stories.

So for lack of an eruption of laughter from our audience, I wont make you sit through all of the stories we have. Ill choose one of the funnier ones that you can read and picture and laugh at. Hopefully I do it justice in writing....

So about 2 years ago, my family flew up north for my cousins wedding. We all flew separately since I was coming from school and my parents wanted to go early, so my sister and I arrived the same day, similar times and were picked up by my parents. We spent the day together, then prepped for the wedding that night. My mom and I had gone shopping a few weeks earlier and unexpectedly stumbled upon from adorable dresses. I searched and searched for a specific color shoes - which ended up being pumps - and Mom made me a matching sash. So we made our way to the wedding, which happened to be in a grassy park... Mental note. If I ever go to something and I know it is going to be in the grass, do NOT wear heels. Im not an experienced heel walker and had to walk on my tiptoes to avoid having my heels sink into the grass. Boy were my legs tired.

We then made our way to the reception in downtown Sac town following the ceremony. Luckily, I was able to take my shoes off during a majority of the reception. After the reception, around 1030 at night, we headed back to our car. We began walking down the street of downtown Sac town, my mom and sister several steps ahead of me, my stepdad one or two steps in front of me, and me bring up the rear. My legs were shaking from exhaustion, my feet were sore from the unfamiliar height, but I told myself just a few more blocks. But they decided to take a break all on their own.

I stepped off a curb into the alley and instantly felt myself beginning to collapse. My legs folded underneath me and I found myself sitting on the ground. Steve was immediately to my side, as my mom and sister took a second to turn around and acknowledge my odd position of sitting on the sidewalk. My mom stared down at me for a second before she said, "Are you kidding me??" I looked up at her, helpless, as in gosh Mom, you got me!

Before I could respond though, Steve chimed in, "Uh honey, Im pretty sure she just fell..." And I was back on my feet due to the swift and quick movement of Steve. I kinda dusted myself off, all the while my mom is still standing a few feet ahead of me, trying to figure out if I was for real or not.

"Mom, I wouldnt have taken a joke all the way to the ground at 1030 at night in downtown Sacramento..." Suddenly she seemed to believe I wasnt full of it and asked if I was ok. We managed to make our way back to the car, all the while, Steve clung to me and I to him to avoid another walking mishap.

And there is one - just one - of our stories we share. Hopefully you got a good belly laugh out of it.... We definitely werent laughing at 1030 at night. I dont think we really laughed about it that night. And the next day I realized I really did hurt myself, so it was still a bit of a sore topic. But it didnt take long for us to recall the incident and laugh hysterically all the way through... As many of our stories go...

No Longer a Kid....

In case you arent completely familiar with my family - especially my sister - yesterday, August 8th, was my beautiful sisters birthday!!

This year has been a landmarker for all of us... My mom and Steve both turned 50! Im turning 21 next month! And Jordanna is now 25! Unfortunately, we grow older rather than younger... But it is exciting that we all have big birthdays in the same year! AND Jordanna is officially HALF of Moms age! Thats cool in its own way.

Well, just last month, I dedicated a blog to my mom in honor of reaching her 5th decade. I decided it would be best to dedicate another to my sister in honor of reaching a quarter of a century. And similar to my moms, I figured naming 25 things I love about my sister would work for this blog as well... Hopefully it works for Jordanna as well as it worked for Mom. ;)

1. She is absolutely one of a kind. There is none even remotely close to my sister... for so many reasons.

2. She has the kindest heart - warm and welcoming to friends and strangers alike. It doesnt matter if youve lived most of your life with her or if you just met her, she will make you feel special and important.

3. She is always there. She truly has a servants heart - never able to say no, even at the expense of her own sanity/sleep. She will be there for someone if they need her, whether it be to take some pictures, run some errands, set up/clean up from a party, the list goes on. She will be there.

4. Not only does she have a servants heart, always willing to serve and help, but she never ever complains. She performs the deed with a smile from ear to ear and the best attitude. This is probably one of the reasons shes a go-to person...

5. She always looks at things on the positive side. It could be the hottest day in history, walk out to find your tires have melted, slam your fingers in the door, trip over a stray cat kind of day, and yet she will still find something good that happened.... something my mom and I are a little envious of.

6. She is a breath of fresh air. There is a uniqueness, a rarity, a specialness about my sister. It is something that cannot be explained until you meet her.

7. She is incredibly creative and has the patience to wait for the perfection of her vision to be made.

8. She sticks to what she knows and likes. She may have 10 colors of the same shirt, but its what she likes and what she feels comfortable in. That is what is important.

9. She has her own sense of humor, but always makes me laugh. I always love spending time with my sister because I just never know what is going to happen.

10. She appreciates me and my humor. She might not always get me, but she appreciates me. I can tease her, but she knows I do it out of love. She is such a good sport in those instances... even when other family teases her, she still chooses to laugh along.

11. She will go to Padre games with me and be my buddy... eat anything we want, cheer and hollar with the friar on the "get louder" board, and share stories between exciting hits or outs.

12. She treats me better than husbands treat their wives. And she recognizes when I need a little girl time or pampering, and treats me so well... better than I could ever deserve.

13. She loves her dogs, bird, and husband unconditionally. She has so much adoration for all of them and will do anything for them and with them.

14. She has an appreciation for life, people, moments, experiences that nobody really understands. She never takes things for granted and remembers to be grateful for the things she has.

15. She gets excited about the small things in life, like a new light on her balcony or new blinds. And not only does she point them out to you when you visit, but she will blog about them. You may be thinking a light?? Blinds?? Only Jordanna can make you fully appreciate them and only she can word it in a way that gets you excited about it too!

16. She loves the little boy she takes care of. She is a pediatric home health nurse and talks about her patient as if he is her own son. I cant wait to see her with her own kids.

17. She is very intelligent. She knows a lot of medical terminology and medications and diseases and on and on. She only continues to learn as she goes to work each day. But shes like a sponge in the way she soaks it all in and can regurgitate it at any given time.

18. She loves ice cream. I dont think Ive met anyone who loves ice cream quite as much as my sister. But in grateful for that... she introduces me to new flavors almost everytime I visit.

19. She cherishes her friendships and only says wonderful things about the people she has created relationships with. Jordanna is the friend everyone wants - shes dependable, positive, accepting, loving, and so much more.

20. She loves the Lord with all her heart. She has a passion to pursue Him and seeks after Him each day of her life.

21. She is an encourager. She is a permanent cheerleader without the uniform at all times, no matter where she is and what shes going through. She can be completely down on her luck, unsuccessfully searching for a job, whatever the case may be, but she will be genuinely happy for anothers success and happiness.

22. She is the most supportive wife Ive ever encountered. I pray my husband (of whenever that happens) doesnt pick up on how encouraging and supportive, full of love and commitment my sister is towards her husband.... I dont think I could ever quite live up to that...

23. She is young, yet feels a call to walk the 3 day breast cancer walk alongside my mom. I cant say Im that motivated nor that strong.

24. She doesnt give up. She wants a job in the hospital and I believe wholeheartedly that she will get one. She is persistent in what she wants and has a drive to achieve it... going where she feels led to be.

25. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know. There are many things to characterize her heart as, but in general, she has a big, entirely selfless and genuine heart.

If I could choose any sister in the world to call my own, I would still pick my sister. For everything she is, all of her qualities and characteristics, her heart, her passions.... I love her with all my heart. I have no idea what I would do without her. Life would be so dull without her... and just not complete... not AWESOME. ;)

Happy 25th Birthday Sister!! I hope it was all you wanted and more! You deserve it!!

Morning Glory

I love mornings.

I love waking early to witness a beautiful sunrise, feeling grateful for a new day, a fresh start...

I love listening to the birds chirping outside my window, singing a chipper morning song...

I love the sun creeping in through the windows, announcing its arrival for a new day...

I love smelling hot coffee, which lures me out of bed to taste its yummy goodness...

I love hearing crackling bacon, beckoning me to investigate a delicious breakfast cooking...

I love taking a hot shower to feel refreshed, prepared for whatever the day holds...

I love choosing my outfit, allowing it to set my mood for the rest of the day...

I love knowing everyone on the road is going to a similar destination - work (and they probably arent super happy about it either)...

I love offering an upbeat "Good Morning!" to everyone I come in contact to - you can only do that until 11 or 12, you know...

At least thats what I keep reciting to myself

as I wake up each morning lately.

The truth is... and this may be a complete shocker to you - if you dont know me -

I hate mornings.

I have even discussed this in a previous blog before. I hate waking up. I hate hearing the birds chirping. I hate that the sun has found ways into my room. I hate physically getting up. I hate leaving my warm, cozy bed to be exposed to the cold, harsh air. I hate getting dressed - the pressure to choose an outfit becomes overwhelming sometimes. (It is not uncommon for me to express my frustrations with Adam and Eve for eating that fruit... because of that act, we are forced to wear clothes each day. But thats another conversation.)

Lately I have been working mornings. Let me reiterate, in case you slept through the beginning of this post... I hate mornings. But its not just that I dont like them, it is also that I am not made for operating in the morning. I was not created to function properly in the mornings. I cant help it. Ive heard it is possible to trick your brain into (or out of) something and it can become normal... Therefore, I have tried to have a positive attitude about mornings, convincing myself of the good aspects of mornings... but this positivity is short lived. Being positive about something I am so negative about is just not an easy task. I found it would take even more energy to have a good attitude... and I needed to save my energy for actually getting up and getting ready.

Anyways. I get to work and for some reason, God has put me in a place where every person is a "Good Morning!" type of person. So people are smiling and chipper all around me and I just want to growl and do my job... until about 10 oclock when I can start to think clear enough to have an understandable conversation. But the past few days, the early mornings have drained me for the entire day. Even by noon, I still cant think clearly, Im stumbling over my words, I feel like Im moving in slow motion, and doing what needs to be done seems unreasonably difficult. Just as an example of what I am talking about - A woman called asking what vaccines we require for an animal to stay with us. "Bordetella, Rabies, and Distemper Parvo" I tell her. Short jibber jabber and were done. Not 5 minutes later, I hear my manager on the phone "the feline vaccine and Rabies." Apparently I told the woman dog vaccines when she had a cat. There were many more of these types of situations. Luckily my manager laughed pretty hard and wasnt irritated with my blatant mistake. Ive been wearing 2 different socks - repeatedly cuz I dont feel like taking the extra time to find matching ones. These are how my days have been going. And I barely make it home, where I sit down and never want to get up again. These mornings are killing me!!!!

I know I should be grateful because I am incredibly blessed. And I am grateful. Mornings truly are a blessing. I am blessed I was given another day. I am blessed I dont have to wake up earlier than I do. I am blessed to have a cup of coffee to help wake me up, (which I have discovered really does make a difference). I am blessed to have hot water for a shower... if I decide to wake up even earlier to take one. I am blessed to have a job to go to where I can make money and get hours. I try not to take it all for granted, but I know I do.

I cant promise that I will have a better attitude and constantly be positive about the mornings... I cant promise that because I know it wont last. But for now, I will remind myself of the beauty of mornings in the small things - that really arent that small at all. Like a sunrise. The radiance and bliss of a glorious sunrise is the perfect reminder of the magnificent day the Lord has created.

"...they are like the new grass of the morning: In the morning it springs up new, but by evening it is dry and withered." - Psalm 90:5-6

Fifty is Freedom!

In honor of my Moms 50th birthday on July 10, I had been planning to do a "50 things I love about my Mom" post... However my sister gave my mom a gift of a handmade 50 things scrapbook. Yup. Beat out again by my much-more-creative-than-me sister. So. Mine wont be nearly as good and there may be repeats of things my sister said in this blog, but these are some of the things I love and cherish about my mom.

1. She is absolutely beautiful. She keeps saying she looks like shes 50 and just laughs if people say she looks younger... so to appease her, I will say: shes rockin 50 by looking faaaantastic!!

2. She has a generous and caring heart.

3. She recognizes right from wrong and stands up for the right. Shes passionate about these things and is willing to fight for them.

4. She lets me wear her scrubs.

5. She is an amazing friend. One who people can depend on, are eager to talk to, trust to confide in, and genuinely love.

6. She is a loving daughter and sister, always calling her siblings and parents on their birthdays to sing to them. She checks in on her parents from time to time and loves spending time with her mom (aka my grandma).

7. She drives a big car and was always the hottest mama carpoolin!

8. She has been knocked down by so many of lifes grievances, yet she continues to stand up and trudge on... giving all the glory to the Lord. She truly inspires me.

9. She loves the Lord with all her heart and has instilled a desire to seek Him in both my sister and me.

10. She would rather have a BicMac than a salad. She would rather have a brownie than a piece of fruit. Shes my kinda Mama!

11. She is incredibly supportive of everything I want to do and strive after.

12. Not only is she supportive of me, but she is my biggest fan. She is so encouraging in all of my adventures, always telling me to do my best. And when my best isnt good enough, she still makes me feel like it was THEE best.

13. She is realistic and plans everything out with/for me. She knows going from point a to point b takes a lot of turns in betwee, so she makes all the necessary plans for it.

14. She has faith in me... probably more than I have in myself sometimes. But without her faith in me, I doubt I would shoot for my dreams the way I have.

15. She is mama bear when it comes to her kids... always willing to drop someone off the earth if we get hurt.

16. She understands me in a way nobody else does. Truly gets me.

17. She appreciates my humor and returns with her own witty remarks. Spending a day with my mom leaves my side hurting from laughing so much. Its amazing.

18. She is honest, yet respectful when giving advice. It may not always be what you want to hear, but its what you need to hear.

19. Shes always in my corner. Always lets me vent and will stand behind me, even help me fight my battles if not fight them for me.

20. Shes willing to drive to Riverside at the drop of a hat - it I say I need her, she will be on her way. Whether its because of a hard day or I forget something, she is more than willing to come to me if I ask.

21. She listens to me, and really hears what I have to say. She has never brushed me off or given me half an ear... She will stop what shes doing to hear what I have to say on any given day.

22. When she makes a commitment, she follows through with it. She remains committed and sees it to the end.

23. She appreciates the little things and remembers to be thankful for the smallest moments in life.

24. She makes signs to welcome me home and hangs them all over the house... theres no other house I would rather return to on breaks than this home.

25. She has dreams... Shes a visionary. Whether theyre about things she wants to accomplish being personal goals, or remodels on the house - she is able to see a finished product before it begins.

26. She went to dental hygien school to create a better life for her kids - us.

27. Shes opinionated and compassionate. Not many people can appreciate this.... but I can.... and those who really know me would understand why.

28. She shares in my opinions and ideas. This makes a lot of conversations go a lot more smoothly than if we disagreed.

29. Shes incredibly intelligent. I dont give her enough credit sometimes. She pulls things out of nowhere and I still dont know how she knows it.

30. Shes wise. She has learned from life experiences and has common knowledge and is willing to let people in on little "secrets". [I dont know if that makes sense at all, but it kinda does.]

31. Shes creative. Just look at the ideas she came up with for her and my sisters 3-day walk fundraising open house! Very creative!

32. She will laugh like Van and Cheyenne with me.

33. She loves animals. For years, she allowed MY dog to take over HER pillow at night.

34. She takes me to tea and talks in fun accents. Shes created a special tea time that I will never take for granted.

35. She obliges me in my love for green bean casserole and meatloaf... weird things like that.

36. She will go with me to run errands... even if its just returning the favor, I still appreciate it.

37. She sits outside with our sweet Sam while he eats nowadays - he wants company when he eats.

38. She persuades me to buy something we both like when Im on the fence about purchasing it... convincing me with anything that will get the price tag scanned and my card to come out.

39. She cheers, dances, and gets pumped with me at Padre games... shes a good buddy to take.

40. Which reminds me, shes got the best moves of any 50 year old I know!

41. She likes a lot of the same shows as me - including the horrible, "cryptic" (as she puts it), ridiculous ones.

42. She will sometimes send me a Starbucks card while Im at school if Im having a hard time or to aid in my coffee needs during finals.

43. She values time spent with loved ones and has taught me the importance of family.

44. We have similar tastes in things we like... it makes shopping kinda easy.

45. She is loyal to friends, family, or anything she commits to. She has attended the same church for years upon years... even with its frustrations, she still does love it.

46. She isnt afraid to laugh out loud or tell someone they need to pick up their dogs poop at the park.

47. She moves me into school and organizes all my stuff... cuz she knows it probably wont get done any other way...

48. She embraces my friends as her own when they come into our home or casually sees them around.

49. She tries new things and refuses to give up. One of my favorite examples is how she has planted several pretty flowers around the yard, waters them, and keeps them alive... given, this house does not have a good track record with greenery so her trying is inspiring!

50! She is EXCITED to be 50! Nobody is excited to get older, but she has embraced it and is choosing to enjoy it!

I love you with all my heart Mom! You are my hero! They say if you love something to set it free, if it stays and says 'lets order a pizza' then thats me! Ill be your buddy for life! Thank you for being the best Mom a girl could ask for! (That could be 51.) Love you!

The Power of a Bee

Today, I celebrated the Fourth of July by working, swimming, soaking in the sun, grilling/eating, hanging with family, and watching fireworks. I love fireworks. They bring me such intrigue and excitement. I really cant explain my interest in fireworks, but I feel it is a common American love.... and I came to this conclusion as we passed many many people sitting on the side of the road, in anticipation for the firework show. This is a day where people - common people, average Joes - can come together to celebrate the many years this country has been standing. A day where people can be thankful for the men and women who fight for our freedom on a daily basis, including those who have lost their lives protecting our privileges, which many people have come to believe are rights. A day to share in something we all have in common - being American citizens, being patriotic. I could go on and on. I never cease to realize how blessed I am to live in a country where I can have opinions and share them, can go to church and not be tortured.... the list goes on. But I will digress... and move on. Not because I think this country and the men and women in uniform arent worth it, but because I am passionate about the topic and often get carried overboard. And we never know where that could lead...

As I lazily floated around the pool this afternoon, I encountered several bees. Or maybe they were all the same bee. Unfortunately, I am no bee guru and therefore cant tell them from one another. Anyways. Thats besides the point. Each time, my reflexes worked quicker than my brain. I flinched, I slightly screamed, I splashed - I did whatever I had to to save myself. I mean. Those things sting you. It may sound silly, but the insects/bugs/whatever that people are most afraid of are spiders and wasps/bees. [I may have made that up on the spot, but its not like it doesnt sound believable!]

I am the person who probably possibly causes bees to sting. Thats disputable, but Ive been told I show symptoms of someone who is "asking" for a bee to sting them. Similar to encountering a lion or bear, how you are supposed to be still and not move a lot to aggravate or excite the animal to attack, it has been said that you are supposed to remain still to not anger the bee. And if need be - assume the fetal position. I dont totally know about the first part, but every time I am in the company of others and a bee approaches me and I run away, flailing my arms amd screaming in paranoia, I am told to remain calm and refrain from making sudden movements. Not that I see the bee going after that person! No! Its coming after me. Try to remain calm when its staring you straight in the eye, taunting you with its little stinger.

As I had a few close calls with Mr Bee today (probably Mr Bee, Bee Jr, and Baby Bee or something) I began to realize something. Bees are one of the smaller bugs in the bug family, yet they hold a lot of power. People are often swatting at them when they buzz near them. Why? Not like a fly where they are just plain annoying, they have an ability to hurt you. In some cases of people being allergic, they have the potential to kill. Ill ask this question only once - why wouldnt you swat away a bee knowing that??? Buncha crazies out there. Back to my realization. They really do hold a lot of power. As humans, we are capable of committing horrible crimes against humanity (just watch Criminal Minds or something if you dont believe me). We are powerful beings. Yet we can be overpowered by something small like a bee. An insufficient bee. [Although, for those of you who have seen Bee Movie, you will remember that bees are not insufficient.... in fact, they contribute a lot to our society with their pollination patterns. If all the bees in the world were to suddenly die, flowers would cease to exist. Dont believe me? Watch Bee Movie. And of course, I believe everything I watch - especially animated movies.]

This post may seem extreme in thought, as in "Carly that is a little crazy (extreme) to give bees that much power." But think about it. Bees DO possess a lot of power. Of course, humans are typically the ones who give it to them, but still. I think you now understand my thought here.

Things you never dared to consider....
until you opened a page to my blog....

My Point?.... None.

Just to share - theres not much purpose to this blog, other than to provide a read for my small following... cuz I know that you might come here to check if there are any new developments in Carlys life and continuously find yourself disappointed when the last posting is still from 3 or more weeks ago. But maybe itll be a little entertaining for you to read until something worthwhile to report comes to mind.

Well Ive now been on summer for a few weeks. It has consisted of working, hanging with my injured mother (who cant work), relaxing, hanging with friends... the typical summer stuff, so far. It has been lovely. Simply lovely. I know itll get crazier soon, but for now, Im grateful for this time.

Because of my recent decision to commit to my life backup plan, I decided I need to get back in shape. Understand, I have not been in top shape since my water polo days in high school... three years ago. Yup. Ive become lazy. Accustomed to college life of getting to do whatever I wanted. No pressure to work out to be in shape for a sport - no need. And since school seems to take over my life like ivy on a house, exercising kinda falls to the end of my to-do list. But I found free workouts on ondemand and decided it would be worth a shot to try out. Yesterday, I decided today would be the day to begin that horrible adventure in exerciseland.

I was so excited when I woke up this morning because I remembered there was an all-day Criminal Minds marathon on A&E today! I guess it was their way of celebrating Memorial Day? I would suggest a marathon of The Unit, but thats just my opinion. I didnt complain - I love Criminal Minds. I walked out to the bonus room to find my parents had already turned the tv to that channel. It was gonna be a good day, at least while I was home before work. But after a few episodes, I remembered my promise to myself to do an exercise video. Ive done a few before - they provide quite a workout! So I tore myself away from Criminal Minds for a bit and searched through my options of 100 or so and settled on a Jillian Michaels 58 minute workout.

I was barely 5 minutes into it and I was regretting this selection, let me tell you! She is one tough instructor. But I was feelin it! Needless to say, I stopped 17 or 18 minutes into it because I was so shaky and tired and sweaty. Pathetic right? I know. Its bad. After that, I did do a 10 minute ab workout... cuz I know theyre in there somewhere, begging to be worked. Im a tragedy. I know it. I have a long road ahead of me. But to get to where Im headed, I have no other choice. I think in the end Ill be grateful. But right now, Im walking a little funny cuz Im a little sore and Im definitely feeling the effects of the short amount I did. I will do the full 58 minute workout with Jillian without stopping! But that day is not today... and probably wont come this week either. But at some point it will. I know it will! After all, if Im gonna be running 3 miles a day at some point, this cant be as difficult as it is now.

I kinda found myself laughing throughout the day at myself. My entire major is concentrated on convincing people that exercise is important throughout a lifetime. It helps a person be healthier - improves their cardiorespiratory strength, overall endurance, muscle mass, on and on and on. Im tested on these things - I have to know all of this. And yet I make a decision to NOT work out each day. And as I sit with sore legs, Im reminded why I make that decision. Then I work out and I think Im stupid for making that decision. Its just a tangled web I keep weaving myself!

Well. Thats pretty much all I got. Just an unfortunate "workout session." If I can even call it that. And now, I shall return to my Criminal Minds. I think Im picking up on things... this is good for my future! I dont want to live in Quantico, but never know what agencies are hidden here in San Diego. ;)

Casey May

Ive been avoiding and waiting to write this blog for a while now, but at the same time Ive been wanting to write it. Avoiding because I know its going to be difficult; waiting because I need to become a little stronger before sharing about it; wanting because it is important to me and deserves a memory... or rather, she.

On April 23, we made a very difficult decision, as a family. We said goodbye to my sweet Casey May.
Casey was my yellow lab. Was was 13 years old, though according to a chart at the vet, she was about 102. She was my baby. I chose her out of a litter of many. She was my little buddy, my play mate, my partner in crime. She chased me around the house, took naps on my bed, hung out with me... She was the sweetest dog and the happiest. Everyone who met Casey instantly fell in love with her.

She underwent several surgeries, including two torn cruciates (in human terms - ACL... although I dont know if it was her anterior or posterior or what but now you understand the pain that is involved in that type of injury). Shes had arthritis since she was two years old, and it only spread and became more painful as she got older. Shes had numerous strange injuries that werent always the easiest to figure out (yes, she most certainly was mine). But despite all the pain she suffered through in her life, she never lost her smile. She never complained. She always made sure she was with you - even if it was difficult to get up and move to be with you.

She was so intelligent. Like smarter than us sometimes. She knew not to go swimming if she wanted to come in the house. She knew how to bring a bowl in the kitchen when she was done with it. She knew how to look pitiful, to get what she wanted. She knew how to find any - any - pill we tried to give her... and she knew how to work up a pill that was at the back of her throat. Yes, she was a brat. But her stubborness made her one of the girls in this family...

She was, in some aspects, the core of the family. If you found Casey, you found everyone else cuz she would be in the middle. Shes more than half my age so Ive known her for more than half my life. Shes brought us so many laughs, so much love, so much protection. She was also Sammys best friend. He always followed Caseys lead. She barked - he barked. She ate - he ate. She went outside - he went outside. This has been hard on him, but hes hanging in there. One of the sweetest, yet saddest things is that he has taken on some of her characteristics. I love him for it.

Apparently, Im not as strong as I thought I would be writing this. She was my baby... an amazing dog. I miss her so much. I miss her bark, and how excited she would get when we praised her for it. I miss how her whole body would shake when she would wag her tail. I miss her greeting me everytime I walked in the door. I even miss how she would get up and move away from me when I would love on her - because she liked to be with people, but needed her space at the same time. She was my best buddy. She got me through a lot - I could always count on her to provide a smile. Losing an animal is one of the hardest things to experience, but I wouldnt give up the time I spent with Casey for anything.

"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."